Self-Care During Emotional Avalanches

Segment 1

 

Transcript

 

Self-Care During Emotional Avalanches

 

July 16th, 2023

 

Welcome everyone to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by an Autistic Adult.  My name is Philip King-Lowe. I am the owner, producer, and host; and I am an Autistic Adult. Thank you so much for listening.

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is a member of The Autistic Podcasters Network. Please consider joining the Autistic Podcasters Network on LinkedIn.

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is a free podcast that gives Autistic Adults access to important information, helps us learn about our barriers to discover the strengths and tools we already have to use for the work of self-advocacy. 

 

This first segment of Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored by The Autism Society of Minnesota: Minnesota’s First Autism Resource.  For over 50 years The Autism Society of Minnesota has been honored to support Minnesota’s Autism Community. Visit them online at ausm.org.

 

Thank you for joining me for this episode Self-Care During Emotional Avalanches. My guest is Michelle Markman. 

 

Please visit todaysautisticmoment.com where you can listen to the podcast, get transcripts, program updates, and read the guest bios pages.  Please visit the Future Shows Page with the titles, guests, and descriptions of all the shows coming up through October.  The transcripts are sponsored by Minnesota Independence College & Community. The transcripts can be read and followed from the website.  There is a link provided to get access to a document form of the transcript that you can print it, so it won’t use up the ink on your printer.  The written document transcript has a font that is accessible for dyslexics.  While visiting the website, please consider supporting the work of Today’s Autistic Moment with a financial donation or purchase an item from the Logo Shop.

 

Please follow Today’s Autistic Moment on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Want to chat with me and other listeners? Join Today’s Autistic Moment Community Group on Facebook.  Please subscribe to the YouTube channel @todaysautisticmoment to watch any episode of Autistic Voices Roundtable Discussions.

 

I want to begin by telling a story about what an Autistic’s daily life can be like.  They woke up and after some time thinking about it, they got up.  They are in a happy kind of mood.  They go make their cup of coffee only to discover that there is no cream or sugar.  They cannot drink coffee without cream or sugar.  So, they decide to do something else for breakfast.  They are still happy but would be happier if they had the cream and sugar for their coffee.  They aren’t really in the mood to go out and get them, so they go for a different option.  Before making breakfast, they open their email in their phone.  There is an email from the mental health clinic they use.  They open the email and read that the therapist that they have been working successfully with for many years is going to retire.  The news hits them like a ton of bricks.  Their emotions have avalanched.  They are anxious about the future of their mental health.  They feel upset, sad, and lonely.  They feel like they cannot do anything else all day, because they feel like they are at rock bottom without knowing how to get up.  They have gotten up from being at rock bottom before, but after a while they get weary from how many times, they are at rock bottom.  This is only one example of an emotional avalanche and what can occur for Autistic Adults.

 

Michelle Markman is here to talk with us about Self-Care During Emotional Avalanches.  Michelle Markman is a professional who gets the greatest pleasure in helping others to form and nurture social relationships. 

 

After this first commercial break, Michelle will talk about what

emotional avalanches are.  Please stay tuned.

 

 

Commercial break I

 

 

Segment 2

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Michelle Markman. Welcome back to Today's Autistic Moment. We had such an incredible conversation back in March on that episode about My Strengths as An Autistic Woman, so I'm so happy to have you back. Welcome back.

 

Michelle Markman

Thank you. It's such a pleasure to be back. Thank you for having me, Philip.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Well, this is a great topic to be talking about Self-Care During Emotional Avalanches. I think we all know something a little bit about how you can be happy about everything, it seems like everything's going right. And something will come in, like our sensory, our sensory processing gets overloaded, or some news comes in, and the emotions just avalanche, they just hope right down, right down the bottom, and they take everything with them. You know what I mean? You know, just like an avalanche, an actual avalanche on a mountain it takes everything with. So, this is a great conversation. And wow, what a great one. So, I'll start. What important information do you feel Autistic Adults, and our caregivers need to know about with regards to Autistic Adults experiencing emotional avalanches?

 

Michelle Markman 

I think that it's important to be aware that we, first of all, that we experienced them. And I think it's also important to be aware that, unfortunately, a lot of times for females, this can lead to misdiagnosis. So, I don't know if we talked about it before, but I was previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which I do not have. But it's very common for women to have a misdiagnosis before they get an Autism diagnosis, because of these emotional avalanches that happen to us. And we can have positive emotional avalanches and negative emotional avalanches. So, I mean, we can get really excited, really happy about something or really upset or angry about something. And so, it's important to have a toolbox available that you can access to cope with, when these situations arise.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Well, to cover the subject, from the point of view of an Autistic male man, or even a non-binary who may more identify with more of a male way of being that we too have our emotional avalanches, especially as we're trying to work through life in terms of getting services we need or, or again, there's those moments when our sensory processing just is not cooperating. And, you know, we work, and we may have an emotional avalanche, where it just falls apart in front of us. So, it does definitely apply to men as well. So go ahead.

 

Michelle Markman

Absolutely, I would 100% agree with that, that it really applies to everyone that has some kind of neurodiversity. I believe that that might just be my opinion, but we have so much greater sensitivity to our environments. And sometimes when I saw a meme today, and it just makes me think of this and it was a picture of a person who had gone through the pandemic, you know, had dealt with stress and anxiety and then something really small happens and they have a blow up or they get really upset. And someone else will say well, it's not that big of a deal. But if you think about how stress and trauma and all the things that we go through layer on top, one on top of the other. Sometimes we can have reactions that seem disproportionate to what has occurred. And so, I think it's important for, for, especially for Autistic caregivers, and for Autistic people themselves to understand that our reactions really do have to do with how much stress we've been under. And it's not necessarily a response to that one thing that happened, maybe it's the whole last year that happened, that we haven't really coped with or addressed.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, there certainly were a lot of emotional avalanches when the COVID-19 pandemic began, and throughout the time that we were quarantined, because a lot of us, Autistics, we, our social supportive networks disappeared, you know, they were gone. Especially the ones we may have had locally. And we know how much it takes what it takes for us to gain those support. You know, those social support network networks, which is one of the reasons why I think the folks on LinkedIn kind of started in and took off. But at the same time, we also know that a routine change can bring about an emotional outlet. I mean, just the news, you know, I'm, I mean, I've, I've recently, my medical doctor, whom I've had for the past 20 years, just retired. So, I'm having to prepare myself for a new doctor that I don't, I don't know. I don't know how he's going to treat me as being Autistic, and how much I'll have to explain to him when I you know, when I when I see them. So, I mean, emotional avalanches can come just from just from a change routine. Whether that routine changes a large one or a small one, they can still contribute to emotion lateral avalanches.

 

Michelle Markman 

Yeah, absolutely.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

So, let's describe what an emotional avalanche is a little bit more. You know, I've kind of I've kind of described just what it what it does. But let's talk about what happens during an emotional avalanche. I think part of self-care is just kind of having a general idea. But what happens when they occur. So go ahead.

 

Michelle Markman 

Yeah, so an emotional avalanche is when you will start to have rumblings. So, rumblings or what we call warning signs for a meltdown or a shutdown. So, everyone's rumblings are going to be a little bit different. And it's important to recognize what yours are, for me, I noticed I get a little bit shaky, I start to feel very anxious and overwhelmed. I may be more reactive, or less patient. And then I'll just start to feel completely overwhelmed and completely out of control, almost like I'm trapped in a tornado. And that's how I would describe it.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, I would have to add to that and say it, it can feel like almost like glass breaking beneath you. You know, it, I mean, you can be like, every, everything's holding you up. And something comes along, maybe you got news that one of the services you've been using, it's no longer funded by your government or whatever. Maybe you've gotten, you know, any kind of news like that, it can actually break that glass that you're, you're sitting on and just totally destroy you. You know, because of how much effort we tend to have to do just to get a hold of a service like that, and then just have it fall apart. I mean, you know, that's, its crisis is a huge crisis. And, you know, especially if, you know, let's say, that service you you've lost this with a perfect with a person who's absolutely perfect for this task that you had. And, lo and behold, that persons not there anymore. That can be a real, a real cause of an avalanche.

 

Michelle Markman

Did that happen to you recently?

 

Philip King-Lowe 

I was once using a person to do what they call, what they call Independent Living Skills worker is what he was. But he was also what we call my Personal Supports Person. So, this individual for independent living skills would come and help me with budgeting, they've helped me make decisions about the home, they'd make me help me make all sorts of decisions. And then he would also assist me with things like taking me to doctor's appointments, or picking up my meds for me, and that sort of thing. And then I got this one phone call from my CADI case manager that said that the state had now created a new silo. And then instead of calling it independent living skills, or personal support, say now call it Individualized Home Supports with training and/or Individualized Home Supports without training. And that part of the decision of the State of the State Department of Health Services, that you can no longer have the same person from the same agency doing both jobs. So therefore, I had to, you know, now I had to move this person whom I was relying on for a particular type of support. I couldn't use them for that support anymore without, you know, crossing that line. That that was a bit that was, that was a bit of an emotional avalanche for me. Just because, like I say, they create these silos, and then they make new ones that make it difficult to get those services or keep them in some cases. That was that was an avalanche moment for me.

 

After this next commercial break, Michelle will talk about what she does when she experiences emotional avalanches, with some great suggestions that others might try.

 

Commercial Break II

 

 

Logo Shop Ad

 

Visit the Logo Shop on todaysautisticmoment.com to buy a 16oz drinking cup and/or a lapel pin with the logo of Today’s Autistic Moment on them.  Enjoy your favorite beverage in a clear cup while you tell others about how much you are enjoying Today’s Autistic Moment.  Put the lapel pin on your jacket, shirt, blouse, or gym bag to help start a conversation about the important work that Today’s Autistic Moment is doing for Autistic Adults and their caregivers. 

 

Please consider making a financial contribution for as little as $1.00 or more, please click on the menu option to Support Today’s Autistic Moment.

 

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment

 

 

Segment 3

 

Philip King-Lowe 

So, um, when emotional avalanches happen for you talk about what happens and some things that you do that you need to do for your self-care.

 

 

 

Michelle Markman

Um, so the way that I recover from this kind of experience, if there's a meltdown or shutdown or an emotional avalanche, because those can be separate experiences, right? You can have this emotional avalanche without it turning into a meltdown or shut down. Sometimes it's just this feeling of almost like a wash of dread that washes over you and may or may not linger. So, I have a tool belt that I keep with me, and I have physical tools. And I have, you know, tools that are just within myself. And so, I'll start with the tools that I have within myself, and that includes breathing exercises. So, one of my favorite breathing exercises, and I actually learned this one pretty recently. And it just reminds me of a smoker. So, I was want to call it smoker's breath. I don't know if you ever smoked when you were younger, but I did. And I find it really just very relaxing to do this breath exercise. So, the way that you would do it is to breathe in and fill up your belly and your lungs. And then once you get to the top, you take one more step of air, and you're going to purse your lips and blow the air out slowly. And squeeze your belly and at the bottom and just do that three times. So, we'll breathe in again, fill up the belly, fill up the lungs. One more sip of beer at the top. Push your lips and blow it out like you're blowing out smoke. Fill your belly. One more breath. One last tip at the top and then blow the air out and squeeze your belly at the bottom and I just find that that really helps me to calm myself down and to recenter then you just return to normal breathing you can do that. Three to five breaths usually work sometimes you need more. I do recommend that if you're going to try it to try it sitting in case you get lightheaded. Also, self-talk you know what are you're saying to yourself in that situation? Are you castigating yourself? Are you saying I'm so stupid? I made this mistake. How could I do that? You know, what's your self-talk like?

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Or what is your self-thinking like? Yeah, continue.

 

Michelle Markman

Yes, that voice in your head if you have an internal monologue, yourself thinking, what's going on with that? So, I've actually labeled my internal monologue I've given her a name when she is catastrophizing. So, I call her Cassandra Catastrophizer. So, when Cassandra is catastrophizing, I will label her I'll say, Cassandra, catastrophizer stop. And then I'll try to insert maybe a positive affirmation, and sometimes it works better than others. But that's something that you can try to label that internal monologue that will sometimes, you know, just berate you. You can try, and I can just keep listing things because I have a whole bunch of them, or you can do you want to ask me more,

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Give a few more examples.

 

Michelle Markman 

Okay, you can try changing your exposure to triggers. So, if you're being triggered, and these emotional avalanches are happening, and the person or the group or whatever that's triggering you is treating you in a negative or abusive way. If it's possible to avoid interacting with that person or that group, that might be the best thing for you. And sometimes just changing who you're allowing in your inner circle, can really change how you feel in your experience. And just having those support tools, you know, having your noise cancelling headphones having your earplugs available, having a plushy if you'd like to have a plushie or a fidget available, when you need it, just something that you can get comfort from. And I'm a huge advocate of getting outdoors, getting your feet on the ground, earthing spending time in the sunlight. But that can be a personal preference too.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yep, yeah. And also, I like to use this as a time just to talk about what I call safe spacing. That is just something I think Autistics you know, in whatever way works for you. If it's a room, you use that you just go in there and put up a Do Not Disturb sign. I've got a little joke about that thing about hotels and inns can do it, so can we. Just put a Do Not Disturb sign on your door. And just when you're when you're just tell everybody when I'm in there. And that's you see that sign, don't disturb me until I come out. You know, find a fidget, find a stem, play with your, if you got a cat or lizard or dog, that's sometimes a good time to visit with the pet. You know, whatever it is that helps you recenter um, and if it means talking to someone you really trust, do it. You know, these are things that you have to do for yourself.

 

Michelle Markman

Absolutely, yeah. And as a mom, sometimes that's the bathroom. And I completely advocate hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes if you need to calm yourself down. Because sometimes that's the only way you can get away for a minute. And that's okay. And it's, it's so helpful. And you can also try things like an ice cube on your wrist, or an ice cube on the back of your neck. You're open to it.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. You know, a lot of what causes avalanches is that thing called, of course, anxiety. And some of us do have, like a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. That's, that's, you know, related to the stigmas that we often live by and live with and all that sort of thing. And one of my therapists taught me that when you're having an anxiety moment, you know, when you feel like you're at your limits, it means there's this one part of your brain that isn't really functioning the way you want it to. So sometimes, and this is just a recommendation. If you take a little bit of ice and you just put it on your head, it will bring that part of your brain back to thinking because it will calm it down. You know, there are some people who actually keep a bowl of ice water out somewhere that they can just kind of splash it on their face when they're in a moment like that. Just to make sure that they've got something handy. If they're feeling like, you know, anxiety or sensory meltdown or even your you're feeling like you, your mental, your mental emotional avalanche just crashing, sometimes that's just enough to change the chemicals in your brain to, to a better a different, more rational response. And I like to also just talk a little bit too about the fact that, um, you know, I had a good spiritual director who explained to me once, when he said, When you're in a certain state, you're not really rational. So don't try to rationalize if you can't be rational. And sometimes, it's important that I think that we communicate with our caregivers, communicate with the people around us, I don't have the ability to be rational at that point in time. So please don't try to have a rational conversation with me because it ain't gonna happen. You know what I mean? Right. Because you need you need the time to let it settle so that you can actually have a conversation and feel like it's going somewhere.

 

Michelle Markman

So, absolutely, yeah, you really have to know. Or at least you can practice asking for timeouts, you know, if you feel like you are not in your wise mind, or if you are not, in this stage mind, you're able to communicate from a place of balance, then you it's it, there's nothing wrong with asking for a timeout, and it'll save you from really saying some inappropriate things. And then also allowing yourself that recovery time, because every one of us is different. And every time that we have this big emotional response, whether it's internalized, or externalized, we've need to schedule time for ourselves to recover from that. And a lot of the time that is, you know, stepping away, like you were saying finding some space for yourself, drinking water, just taking some time lying flat can be really helpful, it can reset your nervous system just to lay down flat, they're just giving yourself the time to recover. And recognizing that that's okay. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just something that you need to do for you.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. Yeah, and we want to emphasize that, you know, everyone's self-care does not have to look the same. And that would include for me that, you know, that if anything we're saying doesn't work for you, that's fine. You know, but if you've got something like that you've been doing that you notice works. That's okay too. You know, I've given this example as well. And that is, about a year ago, May 2022. We had to take our cat to the vet for an emergency. And I was so overwhelmed with anxiety, and just, you know, I mean, there, there was those moments when I was on complete adrenaline doing everything. And I felt like everything was crashing for me. And so, when we got into the vet’s room, and it was you know, it was a space that there was nobody else there, but my husband myself, the cat had been taken out back. And I found myself, there's this there's the metal table metal table where the examination table. Now I found this line on that table, probably made by an animal with a nail, but it was a scratch in that in that table. And I stimmed by just putting my hand on that on that line and just following it back and forth, just like that just sort of just every time I did it, I was calming down because I was focusing on something, you know, and feeling like I was succeeding at it. You know, I'm just tracing that line. And that helps me to calm down. You know if that's what if that's what works for you. That's okay. To know, when that kind of stress that you know, everybody's stims or calming, you know, it's all different. So, um, yeah, yeah. Well, let's move into my second and final question, though. But what steps should Autistic Adults and our supporters take to advocate for our needs? We're kind of talking about that right now because we've been talking a little bit about the things you need to do You for yourself. But sometimes we do have to advocate for ourselves with others, don't we, when we're dealing with emotional avalanches, and sometimes that can be one of the more challenging parts of this. So, let's talk a little bit more about that. Go ahead.

 

Michelle Markman 

Absolutely. So really figuring out what your boundaries are. And a lot of the time, for us as neurodivergent individuals, figuring out your boundaries might be a long process. And it might be that you have different boundaries with different people, and you want to go based on what feels right and what feels wrong. And if it feels wrong, set a boundary, you know, so learning what your boundaries are. Allowing your boundaries to be different with different people, if they need to be asking for timeouts when you are emotionally activated, and you don't feel in control. Asking for the space that you need to take care of yourself, for literally hiding in the bathroom, if you have to get a few minutes for yourself. Whatever you have to do, to make sure that you're taking care of yourself.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Right Yep. Yeah, um, yeah. And this is interesting, because this is coming right after my interview with Matthew Lawrence, when we were talking about Self-Care Through Creating Good Boundaries. And, you know, we talked about how, you know, creating boundaries means, you know, making your little spaces that work for you. And it's okay to do that, you know, you have to do that to, you know, to take care of yourself, if that's what works. But yeah, but the thing is, of course, is that when we start creating boundaries, especially with people with whom we have not set them before we get some pushback. Oh, yes. And that's where that's, that's where some of the greatest challenges can be. So, talk a little bit about some self-care you do when, when those things are going on?

 

Michelle Markman

Yeah, so a lot of the time when we set a new boundary, or we set a boundary with a person that we haven't set a boundary with before, the reaction will be anger. And that anger reaction is because that person is used to getting a need met, that they won't, they will no longer get met by you setting the boundary. So, they have an anger response. So, when that happens, it's important to acknowledge that their response is their response, you did not cause it, you cannot make anyone feel any way. They feel however, they feel not your fault, not your responsibility. I'm a big advocate of breathing through experiences. I reframe it as their reaction and not my fault. I allow them to have their feelings, I allow them to be upset, but I have to stick to my boundary. And I have to stay strong with it to make sure that I get my needs met, or that I protect myself. And a lot of the time, once you do set the boundary, get the anger response, the person may pull back, they may not talk to you for a little while. But a lot of the time, most of the time, they're going to come back to you. And the relationship will get stronger. In the event that they don't it's probably a good thing that you got out of a toxic relationship. But it is really uncomfortable to set a boundary and have that anger response, though. It's really something that you have to practice doing.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yep. Agreed. And, you know, setting that boundary for people to let them know, Hey, this is the line and no, you may not cross it right now. You know, you get to decide you, as the person setting the boundaries. You know, you get to decide how hard you're going to stick to that boundary. And you know, you do have the right to decide when somebody crosses and when they don't. Remember, a boundary is a kind of thing that no one can cross without your permission. Just like you cannot cross somebody else's boundary without their permission. And it's difficult sometimes not to give permission. That's kind of a habit, you habitually give that person, you know, permission. And so, when you start, when you start no longer giving that permission, you might feel kind of badly that you're doing it, but you are taking care of yourself. And that's why we talk about this time during the summer as self-care. You know, this avalanche happened to you. This is your time to look after you. And if this individual is not helping you at the moment, you do have you have the right. You absolutely have the right, and you also have an obligation. Your first obligation is to yourself in a moment like that. You don't owe anybody anything. Okay? And if by some chance, you said something in that moment that winds up being hurtful, apologize later, you know, just let ‘em go. You can apologize later. But when you've had an emotional outlet, you need to recover yourself. And you need to give yourself permission to recover that. And that can mean you have to tell somebody, no, I can't. I can't do anything right now. I need my space. Please give me that space. And we'll talk later. Whatever. So, yeah, that's still very important. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because in those moments of emotional avalanches, we're kind of in the process. So, and I'm using picturesque language here, kind of resetting our cliffs again, you know, setting up out, you know, there's that moment where you deal with your emotions, but then you also get to the business of, of setting up your new, whatever that is, that's new for you. So, yeah, go ahead, continue.

 

Michelle Markman

What was I talking about? Sorry?

 

Philip King-Lowe 

No, no, we're talking about setting boundaries for when you have emotional avalanches. And we were talking about the importance of setting them and being, you know, being at, you know, giving you have the right to set them and that sort of thing. So, continuing on without if you will.

 

Michelle Markman 

Yes. So, something that used to trip me up when I was younger, and I think I still am challenged by this to this day is that boundaries are fluid. So not only can you have different boundaries with different people, but your boundaries can change on a minute-to-minute basis. So, you know, one minute, you can find, getting a hug, acceptable from a friend, and then the next minute, it's not acceptable, and that's okay. And so, it's recognizing based on what feels right, and what doesn't feel right, what your boundaries are in that moment in time, and allowing your boundaries to change and not having to be rigid around what your boundaries are, or having specific set structures, but knowing that they can change, and that you're supporting yourself by allowing your boundaries to change and allowing other people's boundaries to change.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, I had that conversation too.

 

After this final commercial break, Michelle and I will conclude our conversation with some updates about the work she is doing.   Immediately following that, Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board.

 

 

Commercial Break III

 

Future Shows

 

On August 6th, Becca Lory Hector, Carole Jean Whittington, and Dr. Scott Frasard will join me for Self-Care After Autistic Diagnosis/Identification.  If you or someone you know has just been self-identified or diagnosed by a professional, this episode is especially for you.  Getting an Autism diagnosis changes your life.  If you are late identified because you are over 30, 40, 50 or 60 years old, it changes your entire life history.  You may feel angry, sad, relieved, happy, grieve, or do all of these at once or over time.  Your perception of yourself will change. Other’s perception of you will change. How do you take care of yourself during this time of incredible change?  Listen to Becca, Carole, Scott, and myself as we share our stories and advice to help you at this most crucial time in your life.

 

On August 20th, Robert Schmus will join me for Autistics Transitioning to Adulthood.  This is a special episode for Autistics who are going through the transition to adulthood.  You have gone through your years in school and being looked after by your parents and caregivers.  There are some major changes that occur as you become an adult.  Many of the programs that are in place to help Autistics transition to adulthood are not adequate to meet the needs of Autistics.  Robert is Autistic and a mental health professional who works with adolescents.  Robert will join me to talk about his work to help Autistics transition to adulthood.

 

Check out the Future Shows page on todaysautisticmoment.com for all upcoming shows.

 

Do you have any topic ideas for future episodes of Today’s Autistic Moment?  Go to the Contact Us page on todaysautisticmoment.com and submit your topic suggestions.  Go to the page for Be My Guest to submit a Guest Intake Form if you would like to be a guest.

 

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

 

 

 

Segment 3

 

 Philip King-Lowe

I've come to a place now where I want somebody to verbally ask me for a handshake, or a hug, not make the physical gesture, and then just proceed to do it. Because I'm somebody that can misunderstand a physical gesture. And I want to know what that person's intention is, you know, um, you know, so, you know, I have gotten into the practice of asking somebody, please ask me if you can shake my hand before you extend your hand and a handshake. Because to me, this feels like I'm obligated. You know, and I want the ability to, I want the ability and opportunity to say yes or no. And also, no, and I know that there's some of us, Autistics, when we are having a bad moment. The last thing we want is for anybody to touch us, which is, you know, that's just No, don't go there. And then there are some of us who crave that we want, and we want more, and again, that's okay. It's just, it's just again, it's part of our neurodiversity, if you will, that, you know, each of us has our own needs at the moment like that. Yeah.

 

Michelle Markman

Right. And sometimes we want touch from some people, and we don't want touch from other people. So….

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it can be a matter of what's been feeding you. I mean, I don't know about you, Michelle. But if I'm in a place where there's a lot of various sensory stimulation, you know, it can be loud music, hot weather. You know, the sun is really bright on that particular moment or it's really humid outside it, or it's just a phone call, all of that combined can create a number of moments that, you know, and let's also be put it forward sensory overload and meltdown can be an emotional avalanche. Because it just totally takes everything. And you know, when you're at overload, there's nothing you can really do. At least that's what I find for myself. When I'm there, don't ask ig ain’t going to happen, you know, that sort of thing. So, yeah. So, yeah. Well…

 

 

 

Michelle Markman 

I will say that recognizing when that avalanche is starting to happen, or maybe recognizing before it happens, sometimes it may be possible to interrupt the avalanche or to prevent it, but not every time. So being aware of those sort of avalanche rumblings or what happens before it does turn into that can be helpful, because you can sort of head it off at the past and avoid having to go through that experience.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, and it's important that, um, that, you know, in those times, when you're feeling you're not feeling pressured, or anything like that, it's not a bad idea to also make yourself kind of a list, if you will. Maybe on Word or some other way to make a list of things that you feel you need to do during an avalanche. And you can open up that document and follow up, because I don't know about you, but when I'm in the middle of it happening, I forget what I need to do next. So sometimes after one, and after you've kind of recovered, it's not a bad idea to create yourself a list. These are things I need to do when I have when I'm avalanching. You know? So, you know, you can, you can, you know, just follow that list or, or in whatever way works for you. The other thing too, if you're someone that can't talk at that point in time, I know sometimes I use my instant messages as my AAC. I just can't talk at a moment like that. So, I needed another way to communicate with communicate, even with my husband in my own home. I can't do this right now. Can you do this or that sort of thing? It's okay. It's okay to do those things. Yes. Yeah. Well, Michelle, I think this has been a great conversation. I hope you've enjoyed it. I have Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is a great conversation to have. And, you know, I guess I have to ask, are there any projects that you're involved with right now that you might like to share with us or anything going on?

 

Michelle Markman

Yes, I would love to share a little bit. So, I have recently returned to a previous coaching niche that I was working in, before I started helping neurodivergent adults with relationships, and that is helping parents of children with invisible disabilities. So yes, I can help parents to really deal with their stress and anxiety, and to heal their nervous systems. And as the byproduct their children's behavior will improve because they will be feeling more grounded and more. Gonna be more present. So, my new website is outdoormamas.com. And you can find me there. I also have a couple of Facebook groups. That's the update.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Good. If you would send me, send me the new website. And also send me what some of those Facebook groups are. I think I can add that to my Adult Autism Resources Links Page so people can find you.

 

Michelle Markman

Thank you.

 

Philip King-Lowe

You're welcome. Absolutely. Well, Michelle, thank you so much for this. And we do plan to see you again soon. Thank you. You're welcome.

 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

 

Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board

 

All of these events with their links can be found at todaysautisticmoment.com/bulletinboard

 

Join The Autism Society of Minnesota for their Adult Coffee Club.  The next Coffee Clubs will be on Tuesday nights from 5pm to 7pm at Dogwood Coffee in St. Paul on July 25th, August 8th, August 22nd, September 12th, and September 26th.  Coffee Club meetings will be at the Milkweed Café in Minneapolis on July 17th, and August 14th from 5pm to 7pm. Please RSVP at ausm.org.

 

Understanding Autism virtual classes will be offered by The Autism Society of Minnesota. These classes are perfect for Autistic individuals, caregivers, those who want to understand the basics of Autism and support Autistic people. Classes will be on August 21st from 2pm to 4pm.  Classes are free of charge, but you must register to attend.

 

Registration is open for the Fall classes for Autism Certification at The Autism Society of Minnesota.  The certification is especially helpful for Autistic people to better understand themselves.  I took these classes in 2018 and it helped me to better understand myself and other Autistic people.  These classes are ideal for job coaches, support staff, Personal Care Attendants (PCAs), Educational aides, direct support personnel, Group home staff, Day training and habilitation professionals, and anyone who works directly with Autistic people. Classes will be held on Fridays beginning at 9am to 12pm on September 15th, 22nd, 29th, October 6th, 13th. Register soon for these classes as they fill up very quickly.

 

For more information including summer recreation and sensory friendly activities at The Autism Society of Minnesota go to ausm.org

 

Matthew the #ActuallyAutistic Coach has room in his Finding Your Autistic Self Group Coaching Groups. In the groups, participants learn about unmasking strategies, coping tools, burnout & post-burnout support and much more. Go to autisticcoach.com and click on Autism Groups for more information. While visiting Matthew’s website, be sure to check out the Free Autistic Discussion Circles for Autistics of various age groups, careers, students, and ethnic groups. 

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored in part by Looking Forward Life Coaching.  Looking Forward turns stumbling blocks into stepping stones towards success.  Go to lookingforwardlc.org for more information.

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is here because of the generosity of the supporters and sponsors.  Please join the supporters by clicking on Support Today’s Autistic Moment on todaysautisticmoment.com.  If you work for a company and/or organization that supports Autistic Adults and the movement for Neurodiversity, I would love to have you sponsor ads on the show.

 

If you would like to sponsor an ad and/or have questions about Today’s Autistic Moment, please send an email to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com.

 

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.

 

May you have an Autistically Amazing day.