Anger Management for Autistic Adults

Transcript

Anger Management for Autistic Adults

May 19^th, 2024

Segment 1

Welcome everyone to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by an Autistic Adult. My name is Philip King-Lowe. I am the owner, producer, and host; and I am an Autistic Adult. Thank you so very much for listening.

Today’s Autistic Moment is a member of The Autistic Podcasters Network.

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This first segment of Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored by The Autism Society of Minnesota, known as AuSM throughout Minnesota’s Autism community. As Minnesota’s First Autism Resource for more than 50 years, AuSM serves the whole state, the whole spectrum, for the whole life. Visit AuSM online at ausm.org. 

Thank you for joining me for Anger Management for Autistic Adults. AJ Locashio will be my guest beginning in segment 2.  

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I want to begin this episode by validating how angry many Autistic Adults are.  As an Autistic myself, I get angry because of the number of Autistics who are unemployed or underemployed.  I am angry because every time there is a horrific mass shooting, the news media immediately identifies the assailants as Autistic or as “mentally disturbed.”  I get angry because I am so tired of Autism being put under the pathological microscope for analysis and possible cures.  I get angry when I hear that an Autistic Adult is looking at getting incarcerated because they are perceived as perpetrators of violence and instability.  I get angry because there is a clinic in the U.S. that still uses electro shock therapy to “treat” Autistics who are experiencing sensory overload; with judges that have allowed it while politicians ignore it.  I am sure that many Autistics in my audience and their caregivers get angry because we have to struggle to get Neuro-affirming activities and supports. 

While the world at large will take a long time to address the reasons for our anger; Autistic Adults can manage our rage in a way that it doesn’t have to stop us from living.  We need some supports and other Autistics who are experiencing anger and are working through it and not letting the rage defeat us.

AJ Locashio is here today to talk about Anger Management for Autistic Adults.  

Stay with us after this first commercial break to join AJ and I for our conversation.

Commercial Break I

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Segment 2

Philip King-Lowe 

AJ Locashio Welcome back to Today's Autistic Moment. I am so excited to have you back to talk about this particular subject. Since we're following the show on PTSD. So welcome back, AJ.

AJ Locashio 

Thank you so much, Philip. I am very happy to be here. And it's a great day for me to be here because I'm experienced some of the things that happen and you know, I came on angry today and that's just kind of how it is. So, I think it's a perfect day for us to be having this conversation.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, I could see how that would be. So, we just had that excellent conversation with Silas Zacharias about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. And one of the residual effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is anger. Especially when we are working with that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. And we realize things come home, we get angry. Justifiably angry.

AJ Locashio 

Justifiably being the important word there

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, absolutely. And then there is the, you know, the gaslighting that goes on when someone says, "Oh, you shouldn't be angry about that now" because somebody told us we shouldn't be angry about that long ago. The point is, we were, we are, and it is important to address that anger honestly and openly. So, let's begin with my first question. Where can we begin to explore anger management, and how it affects our Intersectional Autistic Adult Communities?

AJ Locashio 

That's such a good question. Especially that intersectional piece because our anger doesn't just come from one place. Our anger comes from many places that where it's compiled on top of and as an intersectional person. We're all intersectional every person is intersectional. Right? We all have different things that make us who we are. But as somebody where those intersections coming in are oppressive. There is a lot of anger that can happen there because anytime we have oppression that means that we have been told that what we need or what we want is not important. Yes. And scientifically speaking. We've been told that, and our brain reacts like that in a primal way. Because seeking is a behavior that we have as animals. It is how we survive. When we are seeking something, we are trying to survive. So, when people tell us that what we are seeking, whether it be a need or a want is not important, because that's the message that we get over and over again when somebody says, No, that's not true or no, that's not how it is. The message that we get is what you are saying what you need, what you want is not important. Inadvertently, they're telling us that our survival is not important, therefore that we are not important. And I don't know about you, but nothing makes me more angry than somebody telling me that I'm not worthy of life or that I'm not important.

Philip King-Lowe 

And Autistics are told that throughout their life. We have been told we shouldn't be angry. We're angry for no reason. We have been told you know, our anger, our feelings have been invalidated and minimalize. If they're not true, they're not real. And unfortunately, I think a lot of us internalize that until we realize I'm Autistic. Yes, those feelings are real. Right. And when we realize that those feelings are real, that's when the PTSD can really take hold. Give me your thoughts on that.

AJ Locashio 

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And, and this is where I think studies, more recent studies have gone on and people are talking more and more about complex PTSD. You know, Silas really talks about PTSD, and he did a great job of explaining their explanation was, I cannot remember right now, it just went right out of my head. They explained that PTSD is, is often thought of as an event that happens one time that is traumatic, like military, for example. Having a car accident, sexual assault, these sorts of things. That is what people's minds go to when somebody says PTSD. They don't think about the complex aspects of PTSD, which is what Autistics and for that matter, anybody who is in a marginalized group of any kind. That's why they have what's called the ACES survey, the adverse childhood experiences. That that is all around the complexity of experiencing something that you internally are struggling to handle over and over and over again, like being told that what you're saying is not true. Being told that your feelings are not valid. Being made to tell what your feelings are when you have no idea how to process what is happening, you don't know how to name that. And somebody is trying to tell you that you have to.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, and I think that it's fair to say that a lot of us when we're gaslighted like that we learn to not trust our own emotions. And so, there is that that struggle to finally accept our own emotions for what they are, and to process them as they are. And when the events are, they're not over. They're continuing but what has been going on for however long finally sets in that's when Oh, boy, the pain starts in the real fright. You know, fear starts and that's when you feel the anger because of what somebody said or what somebody did. In some cases, we blame ourselves for things that we did not take control out when we were supposed to, but a lot of that is once again, matters that were out of our control, or out of our knowledge at the time. Right. So, we internalize those messages. And we've kept those messages and reprocessed those messages. So, when we finally get to a place where we realize, oh, no, those were valid, those were real. That's when the anger can really start working. And become in some, some cases self-destructive. Go ahead.

AJ Locashio 

Absolutely self-destructive it can be and, you know, there are 15 different programs out there to help people in their personal growth and development and you can go see a therapist, you can go see a coach, and they're all of these different things that have to do with psychology that somebody might quote to you and say, Well, we're going to follow this program because it helps with this. And often what they forget to do is give the time to process. And what I have found is that it takes on average, about two years to get that self-awareness to a state where you're not constantly miss trusting yourself and your decisions. And during that time, some of us some of us cocoon. Mm hmm. Right? We go we go inward. We try to get away from all of the sensory things, all of the sensory things that have been bothering us all of our lives suddenly are 10 times worse. It seems as we start understanding these things about us, and that what we have been saying all this time, and tried really hard not to believe because everybody said it wasn't true. Exactly. It is true. That the sun hurts me, causes me physical pain, and gives me a migraine. That at five years old, being told you're five years old, you don't need sunglasses, but I really did because I had physical pain that created a migraine that then lasted for days on end. And when we as adults, start coming into that piece of that self-awareness and working on that because we want to have positive relationships. We want to have positive, meaningful interactions within our communities. Sometimes we have to really withdraw in order to do that, and only have really, really safe people around us. Yes. But our therapists and our coaches are telling us you need to get out there, get out there, put yourself out there. And it's like I can't because I need time to understand me.

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. Yeah, and especially after that, that identification as an adult and then you know, for many, it's your years of unpacking what we thought was, what it was and in fact, it was very different than what it is. And, you know, the fact is, is that when we do get into that cocoon experience in which we've shut out things, that's when the body says it's time to address this. You know, your brain is saying no, no, no, not right now. But the body is bringing it on anyway. So, let's talk let's talk a little more about the actual anger. You know, as I've said in my descriptions, anger is a natural response to feeling threatened. It's very natural. But if we don't find ways to manage it, and everybody has their different ways of managing it, then it can really like Silas was saying it can take over our life. It's suddenly impacting us to a point where we cannot really do a lot of life because of how that anger is impacting us. And managing it. And this is especially since all of us, Autistics, and all about those who are from various of our intersectional communities. We will process it differently. But let's talk about some practical ways that about that angered number one, and also then just talk a little bit about managing. Go ahead.

AJ Locashio 

Okay. So, you know, for me, I discovered this so, just very quickly setting the stage. As a clinical sexologist. I've read this book that talks in depth about some of the emotions and how the brain works. And why sex is good for the brain. And I'm happy to provide that resource for anybody who wants to read that. I'll give you the link to that. And in that book, it was talking, it was quoted Jaak Panksepp, and this is somebody who I had also come across when I was doing dog training. Because he did. He is known for tickling rats, is kind of what he's known for. And that's because he did research, and this goes to the normalization of this and the actual nature of anger. And he says that the primal brain, that there are seven core emotions that we have, and one of those emotions is rage. And that is primal. We are born with it. It is part of who we are as animals. And this I started talking about seeking earlier and seeking is another one of these emotions. So, when we are seeking something, a need, or a want we're trying to explore and reach a goal. And when that gets warded, rage happens. And a lot of times, we kind of sit in that area and also fear happens, right? Absolutely. Right. Fear happens, because we are trying to survive, and we are afraid that we will not be able to survive. Rage happens because we are angry that we can't survive, that somebody is telling us that we can't survive. And then grief happens. Yes. Grief happens because we are separated from community we are separated from others. And we feel a lack of security if you will. We feel this. I'm not I'm not safe. I'm not secure. And this is where the sadness comes from. We feel a lot of distress. That's a lot of heavy. What some people would say negative emotions. I don't like to use the term negative because I think they're, they're valid and they're not negative. They just are. But when we are focused and inside of those, the other three that imagine that you have a scale that is a balance. We don't have any balance there at all. We can't even come to any kind of point of equilibrium. And what we need to be able to do along with these emotions, not instead of, but along with is to participate in caring activities. To learn how to do that for people who care and often we don't have that opportunity because we are, again, given the message that people don't care. We need to play. We need to play and explore in ways that are meaningful to us not in ways that are meaningful to other people. Agreed. And we need lust is in there as well. And it's that's not just sexual. It that's the wanting. Right? Exploring the things that I want that make me feel good for me an example of that is really, really, really tight pressure. And being told that that's weird or that's not right or that's not good or you know, whatever the messages are. All of these things can then lead to anger. So now we have a balance that is very unbalanced.

Philip King-Lowe 

Exactly.

AJ Locashio 

And in order for us, and again, the more oppression that happens to us, the more systems that are in place working against us. Yes. The harder it is to have to have time and energy in the care less than play areas, because all of our time and energy is being spent in addressing grief, rage, and fear. Right. Right? But what people need to survive is they need to have seeking. They need to have play and they have to do that. So, what we need to do in order to manage that anger and this is something I find lacking in the anger management systems. What we need to have there is care and play and the ability to explore what we want and what we desire. Yes. For me, that looks like because becoming a sexologist in my 40s. Instead of doing it when I was 15, like I wanted to because people told me that was bad and don't do that and, you know, I was very interested in BDSM and the sensory aspects of that and how that can help people like me, have healthy relationships and enjoy that. But I was told it was bad. And so, it took me until I was in my 40s before I actually went and did that. Yes, I understand that. Before actually, right before I actually went and said no, I'm gonna take all of this. This money that I was pouring into my second bachelor's degree, and I'm almost done, but that's okay. I'm gonna do this instead. Right. I could not have done that. Did I not have a supportive partner. Yes. Yeah. And this goes back to I can self-advocate all I want. But if I don't have access to what I'm advocating for, and I don't have support from my community to make that happen. The self-advocacy doesn't matter.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, I agree. And I thank you for sharing all that.

Philip King-Lowe

After this next commercial break AJ and I will talk about engaging our anger management through finding supports in the Autistic community with some important self-care suggestions and how your means of communication can be helpful.  Lastly, we will talk about some great ways that Autistics can take the initiatives to address the causes of our anger.

Commercial Break II

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Segment 3

Philip King-Lowe

How can we engage our Intersectional Autistic Adult Communities to do this self-care when we need anger management? Um I like what you said in the last segment about needing supportive communities. And I agree and that's, you know, that means finding other Autistics. Finding Autistics within your intersectional groups, whichever they may be, or even with groups of Autistics where you share experiences with each other that may be different from the other. The thing is, is that when if your self-care requires you to do some alone time, here, it's important that you give yourself that time if journaling is of help to you, journal. If you know um, you know, one of the great ways that we have, have had for a long time now, to write down our experiences and possibly make them known is blogging. Blogging is a great way to inform, and I know that a lot of us Autistics, we tend to info dump overshare and it's up to you to find your comfort level with that. But I also happen to leave that that is one way of getting it out of your system. That's one way. But, you know, I think one of the most important things is that you acknowledge that you are angry, and you have every right to be angry about whatever it is you're angry at. Those emotions are yours. They are real. They are your originality, and it is something that you have every right to feel. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, let's talk about things like that, and, and a little bit more about engaging, and some of that, again, we want to focus on engaging your self-care. But we also want to talk about engaging as in the Autistic experience, you have to stick communities and how we can begin to get some supports. So go ahead.

AJ Locashio 

And please bring me back to that community piece if I get going too much on the self-piece for a moment because I have something very pertinent that I want to talk about and I don't want to forget it. I'm gonna give a personal example of my own life and interactions that I had with my son. I always wanted him to be able to express anger. If because if he was like me in any way, anger would be his kind of go to anger is my go-to emotion and people who meet me and when I say that to them, they never believe it. But it is anger is my go-to emotion. I spend most of my time in anger. And I have to be very intentional about the other and that's really what self-care is. Self-care isn't spending money to go get your nails done or get a massage. It can be but it doesn't have to be like right now the world it sits in this capitalist space that tells us you have to be privileged and have money in order to deserve self-care. And that's not true. You don't have to have money. But you do have to have resources. And being able to say I need some time alone is a resource that some people don't have. Yeah. Right? And so being able to advocate for that and find some ways to ask for that help and know that there will be somebody there that says yes, I can babysat for you for two hours so that you can be alone. That's really important. Those kinds of things are so, so important. And because I knew that I wanted my son to have the opportunities to experience that. So, I taught him from a young age to say, I'm angry and have something to do. He had a punching bag, and he could go I'm angry. If we were in the middle of a discussion. And he needed to stop that discussion. We stopped the discussion. And he could go beat on his punching bag. He had an emotions journal; he could go do that. And so being able to say those things out loud and providing people the opportunity to do that is really important. And that's what we can do, and we can ask others to do for us. If we can help people understand that this is not about them. That it's not about us being disrespectful because we need to walk away or we need to take ourselves out of a situation, being able to ask to come back to it at another time because we're feeling overwhelmed with whatever is going on. Those are really valid ways that we can communicate with other people. But they have to be taught that and unfortunately, right now that rests on our shoulders. Those they say we can't communicate well; I find that we actually communicate very well. It's just that what we're asking for isn't what society wants us to ask for.

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. And I also want to also acknowledge that when we are angry, we will not necessarily have the resources within ourselves to be rational. Okay? This was taught to me by a wise spiritual advisor. I remember a long time ago I was talking about some situations because my parents that were making us angry and he would say, "Exactly how are you able to talk rational when you're not rational?" Yep. At that particular point, it's best to disengage from that person and the conversation, because as long as you're not rational, you can't hear each other. Okay? So, and I also know that for some of us, Autistics, we may not realize that we are being irrational. We may need somebody to help us say, oh, right now you sound irrational. So, take a break, go calm down or do whatever you got to do to process what you feel. Yeah, and then add you know, and then another point come back. When you're feeling like you can actually maybe think through. When you're irrational. You can't think through what you're thinking. You can't say or work something out, necessarily, because that anger is holding you and that's what you're feeling and you're talking through that. You may be expressing your anger and that's okay. And if you need a place to express that irrational anger, that's fine. Okay? But what you need to understand is that when you're doing that, there's not a lot anybody can say that's actually going to make you feel a lot better yet. Right. You need to come back to that place where you can actually think, process. Oh, yeah, that's what that looks particularly. That's what that means. That's what we need to resolve. You know, it's okay to go to the corners when you're rational. Do your punching bags to punch your pillows or squeeze the heck out of some stress ball or whatever you got to do. Okay, right. But, again, trying to pursue a conversation when quite frankly, you can't. Right. Is not really gonna get anybody anywhere. So, continue.

AJ Locashio 

I love that you brought that up because that is key to the communication is that the communication about how to address our anger cannot happen inside of our anger. Yeah. We have to have these communications outside of our anger and from a brain point. Anger is one of those primary emotions, so it sets the foundation. Yes. So, when we are in anger, we are working on a foundation which is currently feeling unstable. Yes. And therefore, those other levels, you know, cognitive functioning, any kind of psychological functions, they these are all built upon this foundation. Yes. So, if we are in those, we can't work inside those other higher psychological functions because we're at the foundational level, and that's okay. Right. Another personal example for me is and I think this is kind of funny. My husband might look at me and say, the floor really needs to be vacuumed. And I love vacuuming because it's got that push pull motion to it, and it makes me feel good. And then the floors are clean at the end of it. So, if I'm really angry, he might say something about the floors needing to be vacuum even though I vacuum twice already. Yeah. A lot of people that would make them more angry, but for me, it's like yeah, they do, don't they? And I get that vacuum out. And in vacuuming I'm able to regulate enough to get into the rational thought and then come back to a conversation.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, so what you're saying is, is that let's say somebody let's say you can't. You don't really understand how angry you are, but you happen to be with somebody who sees it. Maybe one of those it's always good to have some kind of conversation with somebody before you get to that irrational stage and see if you see me in this way, suggests my favorite fidget my favorite stim. My favorite activity as a way to you know because you might be alexithymic at that point. You might not be able to process and so having somebody nearby who can give you that support to say, you know, go vacuum your rug, or go mop your floor, or, you know, go spend some time by yourself for whatever you need to do. I like that continue.

AJ Locashio 

Yeah, and that's what I mean by community care. It doesn't mean having to go out and interact with a bunch of people. It means being able to communicate to a meaningful person or a meaningful, maybe group of people, what your needs are so that they can support you in your in that?

Philip King-Lowe 

Which, might mean, go ahead. No, I was gonna say, and let's also say that just because you and or whomever is supporting, you can't necessarily solve the issue at that moment. That's okay. Okay? The important thing is that you do something that gives you the supports that you need to process continue.

AJ Locashio 

Absolutely. We were getting ready to say something very, very similar there. I was gonna say and that might mean calling up a friend and saying, just listen, don't talk. And maybe you can't say that right now, but they know the tone that you're using the fervor that's within the, you know, even the way that that makes them feel that you're not calling them or messaging them because you want their advice, or for them to say calm down. You just need a place to spill this energy. That is anger.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. And on the chance that you are feeling nonverbal, or you are not able to speak it's a wise thing to maybe pick up a, I don't know some kind of photo was something that signals somebody you're angry who can't talk right now. That could be just enough or even make yourself a little card, take a postcard or index card, whatever it is and draw something this means I'm angry and I can't talk. Yes. Symbols are always a good way to you know, and it's also not a bad idea, you know, maybe even to create for yourself a social narrative that says, you know, when I'm feeling angry, these are things I can do. You know that sort of thing. Yeah.

AJ Locashio 

Yep. And that's just it. lists. If lists are something that you enjoy that make you comfortable. Go ahead and create lists of four different levels of anger. Yes. What am I able to do in this moment of anger? And, and if you can't access that, for whatever reason, you've already had that conversation with somebody else, so that they can help you access it. Now, let me just say, a huge reason that there's so much depression, anxiety and feelings of aloneness is that as an Autistic individual, we have been left alone. We have been you know; we are lonely. We may not have somebody who lives with us. Yeah. We may not have access to a safe person that lives with us. Yes. Right? Because we may live with people. But maybe they're not our safe person. Maybe they only make matters worse. Yea. And so that's not who we want to go to. These are things that are very real. And then I absolutely understand. And that is why those the crisis lines are important. Yep. However, yes. Crisis lines don't always do great with people who are non-speaking. Yeah. And I think that this is something as a community we can work on. Yeah. How can crisis lines support individuals who are not able to articulate how they're feeling?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, and unfortunately, what Lisa Morgan also says is true is that just because somebody answers the phone doesn't mean an Autistic is going to be helped. Yeah, and that's I wish I had an easy fix to that problem. But I don't think any of us really do other than, you know, crisis counselors. Learn how to work with Autistic people from an Autistic person's perspective.

AJ Locashio 

And we may have to build a system for that. Yes. We Autistics may have to get together and do some participatory community-based research and create that.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, I agree. I agree.

AJ Locashio 

I will bring that up to the board.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, that'd be that'd be a good idea. Now that we have explored the matter of anger management and how it affects our Intersectional Adult Communities, and we will be start to talk about getting engaged, let's empower them. And I love to use this as a point to talk about our Autistic strengths. That we sometimes we don't always feel like we have but it's important to use those muscles everybody. And you know, you were just talking about making lists. Yep. And I like to say if you're somebody who is analytical in your thinking and most many of us are. Right. Let's use that strength to analyze what's happening and come up with something that is really about us and use it. You know, use it so the full just use it and you know, I like how Silas Zacharias also said last time that Autistics do have incredible survival skills. Let's use those survival skills. And you know, use that to empower you to process your anger. I'll let you go on AJ because you've got some good stuff.

AJ Locashio 

Yeah, you know, that the point that you just made was exactly kind of where I started feeling more comfortable and more safe with myself and in being able to communicate that to other people. Communication, the way that I had been communicating before, seems to not be working. However, a strength for me is that I was really curious about the human brain and how it worked. And so, I learned a lot about the human brain and how it worked. And then I looked at myself, and said, Okay, so when I'm doing this, it means this. There's no way anybody else is going to know that unless I tell them. So, I engaged some help and some support in being able to identify those things, and being able to, to then express it to other people in a way that they can access and understand. And I'll be honest, that makes me angry, right there. Just saying that I'm feeling it, and my body is telling me that that makes me angry that I had to do that, that I had to lean on my own strength to support myself because nobody else was doing it. And I have to embrace that anger. When I'm going through this and say, yes, it's not fair. I have to work harder and expend more energy than other people do. To be able to live this life that I have. That's not fair and it makes me angry. And then the next thing I go to is and what am I going to do about it?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes. How can we use that anger that we're feeling to invest in our Autistic strengths?

AJ Locashio 

Number one, if we are struggling to identify our Autistic strengths figuring out what we need to be able to identify them. Which often means that we need to talk with others. And again, unfortunately, we are having to build these systems that work with us because talking to others, talking to non-Autistics talking to people who just don't get how we work, doesn't help us at all.

Philip King-Lowe 

No, and it comes around to our Autistic community and our Autistic language that Rachel Cullen and I spoke of in April. Um, you know, I think I think one of the things that is so great about the Autistic community, is that the Autistic community at some point is really excellent at coming up with our own ways of putting this together. There is a wonderful social group here in Minnesota called MNeurodivergent. And they work to put together social events for Minnesota Neurodivergents. And what I love about what they've done is they're not sitting around waiting for non Neurodivergents to come up with an idea that finally works for them. Oh, no, they're out doing it themselves. And yes, yes, yes, absolutely. And there's every reason to believe that us Autistics other Neurodivergents, we can do these things. It will mean networking with others to create them but and maybe create them in our own individual space and our city and our, our area. You know, just recently the Autism Society, Minnesota just started having their adult coffee clubs. They meet at a coffee house together with other Autistics you know, and doing things that we love to do, and we need things like that. Yes we do. So, you know, we do have the ability to make such spaces and I think it's wise and important to invest in those kinds of things.

AJ Locashio 

It really is it really is, you know, that's having Umbrella US and doing the work that I'm doing within that is very empowering and it is 100% built upon my anger. Yeah. It is enough already. There are 15 million different people telling me all of these different things. I don't know what to do. I need one space to go to get support. I don't see that happening. I'm going to make it happen. Right. And one of the things that people can do if they want to have do something in their city and they have an idea, but they don't know where to start, they don't know where to go. Let us know. Because this this is something that we can support you with. Because if we can get a small chapter, a small club, doing these coffee groups, one of the ideas that I had tell me what you think about this. One of the ideas that I had is what if we got together and it was in a way where people could join both online or in person based on what they needed at that moment. And there are different areas. So, there are some areas where people are talking and maybe there is music and things going there other areas where people are doing crafts and maybe having conversations while they're doing crafts. And there are other areas where it's quiet. People are together. They're with each other. They're participating in community, but it's quiet and they're not expected to talk or have conversations. What if we had more events like this, where it was normal, to not to have social interactions where we weren't talking?

Philip King-Lowe 

Or expected to talk.

AJ Locashio 

Or expected us to talk. Or expected to talk in a certain way? What if we want to sit there and text back and forth to somebody? What if we want to do a puzzle and not actually say any words but you know, maybe use sign language where we're not actually using verbal but we're using some something else. There's nothing that cannot be created if we want to create it.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes. And I would also like to take an opportunity like this to talk about how silent communities can actually be actually doing something quite wonderful. I don't know if how much all of you have heard this, but they say when two people are in a relationship with when they are totally comfortable with each other, that they can actually sit in a space and not even speak to each other. But just be in that space with someone else. Yes. That's actually a wonderful thing because there is such a trust in being with those other people. That there's not even a need to say anything. Yes. That's actually a very good thing. That's actually something that, you know, the contemplatives of this world actually endorse.

AJ Locashio 

100%. And it's going to have the nervous system response that we want. Instead of going to a loud expectation full gathering that has the opposite. Exactly! And our nervous system response, right? We go into fight flight mode, whereas if we can sit and just be we will feel calm and safe. And that's what we want. In fact, it's what we need.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, I totally agree. I totally agree.

After this final commercial break AJ will update us with the exciting work that Umbrella US is doing followed by Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board.

Commercial Break III

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Future Shows

Celebrate LGBTQIA+ Pride and Autistic Pride with Today’s Autistic Moment beginning on June 2^nd for The Autistic Bisexual Experience.  Daren Howard and I will discuss the intersections of Autistic, Bisexual, and other sexual identities, by sharing personal experiences of challenges and self-acceptance.  We will emphasize the importance of intersectionality and inclusivity within the Autistic Community and beyond, advocating for Autistic Pride and acceptance.  I will highlight the language used around disability oppression and the need for inclusiveness in the movement, while Daren shares his personal journey of self-acceptance and its positive impact on mental health.

Please note that this episode includes candid conversations around sexuality that may not be desired or appropriate for all audiences.  Listener discretion is advised.  

Oluwatobi Odugunwa returns to Today’s Autistic Moment on June 16^th for The Autistic Black Nonbinary Experience.  This show will focus on several groups that Autistics intersect with.  Oluwatobi will share their experiences as an Autistic Black Nonbinary person. Neurodiversity, racial inclusion, and transgender identities and addressing the stigmas for all of these individuals will inform our consciouses to advocate for them all.

The Summer of Self-Care Series 2024 in July will include shows about Getting Enough Rest and Surviving Disheartening Rhetoric.  

Check out to the Future Shows Page on todaysautisticmoment.com for all updates about shows coming up.

If you would like to offer to be a guest, go to the Be My Guest page on todaysautisticmoment.com to fill out the Guest Intake Form.

If you have any topic suggestions, please go to the Contact Us page and submit your ideas.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

Segment 4

Philip King-Lowe

So, tell us a little bit more about what is happening. And I also know we were just talking about people who are really doing some great work and I want to point us back to Nigel Rising who's going to be doing that AutisticaPalooza Conference in October for Autistic women. I just loved having her on. She's going to be back in the Fall to talk about the Autistic Indigenous Experience because I love how she talks, and I love the way she thinks. And I understand that you're going to be doing a talk there at that conference. So yeah, but we want to also want to talk about what's going on with your work at Umbrella US. Oh yeah, Umbrella Alliance, right?

AJ Locashio 

Umbrella US is so much easier to say that Umbrella Alliance USA Inc. Umbrella Alliance would be when we get the international groups together. Yeah. Okay. So, Umbrella US. First of all, yes, I am so excited to be participating in AutisticaPalooza. I'm doing three different events there. One vanilla sex, one on kink. And then a teen one on writing our own user manual to be able to communicate our needs to those around us. So yeah, I'm very excited and honored that I was invited to be part of that. Now as far as Umbrella US we're still a baby. We have our three projects that we are focused on, which is the self-advocacy guide, the media events that we're doing with podcasting and webinars and things like that. And then the third one being our research project, which is very much underway. And we're actually starting to see some of the results of that, which is really, really exciting.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, that sounds wonderful. I'm so glad you're engaged in that work and you're getting other Autistics engaged in that work. And I think it can really be helpful. You’re helping us find community. Helping us to develop resources and just make the Autistic Communities that much more vibrant and more feeling like we can find other Autistics and work together. And that is something I find that's wonderful.

AJ Locashio 

And something you actually mentioned on the episode with Silas was again that intersectionality, right? And you mentioned, you know, there are so many other Neurodivergent people out there. And you kind of listed some off. One of the things that we're trying to help people understand is that there are over 400 different conditions that affect the brain and the nervous system. Yes. And these are often things that we experience, along with being Autistic. And so instead of having to go to five different places, we can do it all under the umbrella. And I think that is very, very exciting. That's not something that's really being done elsewhere, and that's because of the lack of the intersectional lens. Agreed. We have to have a space where we can be whole together and not just one part of us. Together.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes. I totally agree. I saw a great yeah. Well, AJ this has been a marvelous conversation. And I think we've given some great tips about how to address anger and PTSD. And I'm so glad that Silas did this and then you've done this because I know that when we come off of April, we're exhausted, angry, feeling all those trauma points and I want all of you to know we're heading into June and for many of us who are LGBTQ we're heading into another month of some rigorous conversations, some difficult things we're going to hear, listen to, and especially since we're in the middle of an election year when we're usually among the prime targets of a lot of negative political rhetoric. I'm, you know, we're going to be here to help you through. I've got Daren Howard coming on to talk about the Autistic Bisexual Experience and then I've got other with Oluwatobi Odugunwa coming up after him to talk about the Black Nonbinary Autistic Experience. So, we've got those things coming up and we want to be as affirmative as possible but also be of course as supportive as we can. Very good. AJ, thank you so much for being here today. And we will look forward to your further work.

AJ Locashio 

Thank you so much,

Philip King-Lowe 

You're welcome.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board

All of these events and many others with their links can be found at todaysautisticmoment.com/bulletinboard.

Join The Autism Society of Minnesota for their Adult Coffee Club. The next Coffee Club will be on Tuesday night from 5pm to 7pm at Dogwood Coffee in St. Paul on June 4^th. Please RSVP at ausm.org.

Register for the Summer ASD Direct Support Certification Classes at The Autism Society of Minnesota.  Classes will be Monday through Friday, June 10^th to the 14^th, from 9am to 12noon. The cost is $300 per person, scholarships are available.

On Tuesday May 21^st at 7-8:30pm Jillian Nelson will be the presenter at a workshop at The Autism Society of Minnesota entitled Minnesota Service Navigation.  Jillian will provide her own perspective of service navigation as an Autistic Adult.  Learn what services are available and which ones may work best for you and your loved ones.  Services may vary on an individual and family basis. Jillian is not able to provide what an individual may qualify for in services.  However, Jillian can walk you through what the process is like and how to find out what someone qualifies for in the state of Minnesota.

The Autism Society of Minnesota invites you to a virtual workshop on June 6^th, 2024, beginning at 9:00am to 12:00pm entitled: Plain Language and Easy Read: An Introduction to Cognitively Accessible Formats.  The presentation will cover cognitively accessible formats when writing for Autistic people and other people with IDD.  We will talk about the difference between Plain Language and Easy Read, and the basics of illustrating and formatting Plain Language and Easy Read.  No prior experience in cognitively accessible formats is required, however, please come prepared to try writing in these formats.  The cost is $35-$65. 

Go to ausm.org to get more information about these and other social and educational events, counseling services and support groups at The Autism Society of Minnesota.

MNeurodivergent is a social club rooted in a vision of bringing Neurodivergent Minnesotans together to build meaningful connections.  Its core principle is to foster an environment where all are treated with dignity and respect regardless of ability or preferences. Go to the bulletin board at todaysautisticmoment.com and click on the Meet Up link to become a member and attend their events.

Today’s Autistic Moment is here because of the generosity of sponsors and supporters.  Please join the supporters by clicking on Support Today’s Autistic Moment on todaysautisticmoment.com.

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If you would like to sponsor an ad and/or have questions about Today’s Autistic Moment, please send an email to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.

May you have an Autistically Amazing day.