The Autistic Bisexual Experience

Transcript

The Autistic Bisexual Experience

June 2^nd, 2024

Segment 1

Welcome everyone to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by an Autistic Adult. My name is Philip King-Lowe. I am the owner, producer, and host; and I am an Autistic Adult. Thank you so very much for listening.

Today’s Autistic Moment is a member of The Autistic Podcasters Network.

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This first segment of Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored by The Autism Society of Minnesota, known as AuSM throughout Minnesota’s Autism community. As Minnesota’s First Autism Resource for more than 50 years, AuSM serves the whole state, the whole spectrum, for the whole life. Visit AuSM online at ausm.org. 

Thank you for joining me for The Autistic Bisexual Experience. Daren Howard will be my guest beginning in segment 2.  

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I think June should be LGBTQIA+ and Autistic Pride Month. I recently asked some followers of Today’s Autistic Moment on LinkedIn what Autistic Pride means for them. Here were a few of their answers.

“To me, Autistic Pride embodies a deep sense of self-appreciation and celebration of my very valid and unique identity.  It means recognizing and embracing my Autisticness as an integral part of who I am, rather than something to be hidden or changed.  Autistic Pride is about valuing the strengths, perspectives, and contributions that come from being Autistic, and advocating for a world that respects and includes fully exactly as we are.”

“It means I can live my authentic life.”

 “For me, it is about Neuroqueering and honoring intersectionality.  It’s about experiencing my gender identity and sexuality through the lens of my Autism and vice versa.

Another follower on Linked In, reminded me that Autistic Pride is only one day, which is June 18^th this year. Their argument was that Autistics shouldn’t take Pride month away from the queer community.  I would like to offer another approach to the conversation.  The movement for gay rights began with a riot at the Stonewall Inn in New York in 1969. The queer people who started that riot were Latino, transgender people, and dressed in drag.  Since then, the queer movements have been whitewashed.  Pride month has been commercialized and turned into a month of rainbow-colored clothing, accessories, and support by mouth only.  Candidates campaign for or against equal rights protection to frighten the security of their supporter’s future to win votes. Over the last two years, bills that prohibit gender-affirming care have been fast tracked as a higher priority than disability accessibility supports.  There is always an excuse to keep the subminimum wage that allows employers to pay workers with disabilities below minimum wage legal. 

I propose the idea that LGBTQIA+ and Autistic Pride should be celebrated together in the same month.  The intersection of LGBTQIA+, Autistics, Neurodivergents, racism, gender discrimination, classes, and many more is palpable.  For example, last June I posted something about Autistics being gender nonconforming on one of my social media networks.  One of the comments, which I removed was, “Transgender people grooming Autistic kids?  No, we will not have it.”  It is remarks like that that help make the point that when it comes to marginalization and discrimination, no one is safe.  So, at the risk of going against the tradition of what this month means, June should be LGBTQIA+ and Autistic Pride month.  Let us work together to end the marginalization of all oppressed people.

Daren Howard, the Deputy Director at The Autism Society of Minnesota will join me in segment 2 to talk about The Autistic Bisexual Experience. Bisexual and transgender people still experience erasure in the discourse about equal rights of LGBTQIA+ people.  Autistic people who are bisexual might find themselves isolated by their sexual orientation being reduced to who they engage in sexual activity with.  The lack of social acceptance is cruel, but it gives Autistic and bisexual people a chance to work towards self-acceptance to be happier people.

Daren and I will be having very candid conversations around diverse sexual identities and practices, while recognizing different types of relationships that exist.  Today’s Autistic Moment is not going to moralize monogamous and non-monogamous relationships.  On this podcast, we regard all relationships between consenting adults to be morally neutral. The only moral issue from my point of view is that the partners in those relationships exercise honesty and respect for each other’s dignity.  The content of our discussion may not be desired or appropriate for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

Stay with us after this first commercial break when Daren Howard will join me for an insightful conversation about The Autistic Bisexual Experience. 

Commercial Break II

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 Segment 2

Philip King-Lowe 

Daren Howard, welcome back to Today's Autistic Moments. It is a pleasure to have you here.

Daren Howard 

Thank you for having me.

Philip King-Lowe 

You're welcome. Well, last year when we were talking about Father's Day, you acknowledged that you are bisexual which gave me the idea to have you back to talk about Autistic Bisexual Experience. So, this is also your idea and your fault. I can live with that. Alright. So, I'm just a little introduction, from my limited experience, you know, when I was first coming out year 2000 and 2001 when I was trying to talk to some men to possibly date them. I heard many say the words that they don't believe there are any bisexual men that are just gay man hiding. And sadly, we're still hearing some of that today but not quite like we used to. But we also know that bisexuals are highly ignored by LGBTQIA+ rights and groups and so, they've actually had to kind of do their own split from to start to do their own organizing, but um, bisexuals are part of the LGBTQIA+ communities and there are many Autistics who are bisexual. So, I think it's an important time and a good time to explore this. So, Daren, where can we begin to explore what it means to be Autistic and bisexual and how this can affect our Intersectional Communities?

Daren Howard 

I think that what excites me about having this conversation is the opportunity to shed a little light on the bisexual experience. Because as you just described, there is some erasure, and I don't think that that erasure is completely unique to the bi experience as it is to the other letters in the LGBTQ+ alphabet. You know, there's a trans visibility issues that you know, there are visibility issues between lesbians and gays and so on. But this is this is visibility for the Autistic community I think is important. Maybe we'll start with you know, what is the research say about this and research indicates that there is a higher rate of self-reported non-heterosexuality among Autistic people. There are also higher rates of what the research terms as gender dysphoria, I don't love that language. But if we can just acknowledge that, with that language we're referring to. There being a conflict between someone's assigned gender at birth and their individual gender identity. Acknowledging that gender is a social construct all of those things you know, the research language doesn't really cover very well. But let's say what that point was, again, the literature suggests that there's a higher rate of gender dysphoria among the Autistic population. There are higher rates, there are high rates of other sexuality not specified among the population. This is a very kind of clinical language, but I think what it shows is what we call the double rainbow. Right is, is you know, in the, in the pride community, we use the rainbow and have used the rainbow for a long time to indicate queer pride, and all of its different facets. And as the Autistic community has moved away from the puzzle piece iconography, and has adopted like the rainbow infinity, symbol sorts of iconography, you know, the idea that there's a double rainbow that there is an interesting intersection between Autism and LGBTQ+ identities is important for us to acknowledge it's an important conversation and it's, you know, the research supports this observation that that the there might be higher rates. So, I find it to be just an exciting place to begin a conversation about Autism and being bisexual.

Philip King-Lowe 

So, what has your journey been like? In discovering your sexual orientation as bisexual and you're discovering it from your Autistic point of view?

Daren Howard 

Well, I will admit to being a pretty private person, but it has been a sort of long and prolonged journey for me because I grew up in a religious community and did not feel remotely safe to be myself. In the same way that say the psychiatric community had been pathologizing homosexuality. The religious community that I was a part of and many religious communities but not all of them, moralize sexual identity issues. And so, there's a lot of like denial of myself in the public sphere and a lot of just, you know, not talking about it. And not acting on it. And it's also notable that I got married in my early 20s. To a person who, who’s gender identity is complex, and maybe we could use the term nonbinary. But there they're females assigned at birth and present in a pretty feminine manner. And so, I have all the sort of privilege of a heterosexual marriage, right? And the thing that has that is worth commenting on here is both that I carry that privilege but also that the optics there have resulted in me not being as out as I might have otherwise been and you know, I really question my upbringing, and I question a lot of the sort of moral positioning about things like sex and sexual identity and I that's, that's very common for Autistic folks and one of the like, really intuitive theories, that is hard to prove around these higher rates of queer identities among Autistic folks, if we're already questioning social expectations, so why wouldn't we question this one tip? And I think that that just intuitively makes a lot of sense.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, and also the struggle of creating relationships. As a gay man, a queer man, finding the man who is now my husband was a long journey for me. And I know of other bisexual individuals who are non-monogamous and let me say upfront that there is nothing wrong with that. And then there are those who choose to be find it necessary to be in monogamous relationships, and again, what works for each person is what works for them. But I also know the deep struggle that occurs as you try to work your way through your physical needs, where it's divided between one sexual orientation versus another, and that is the greatest struggle I hear from many bisexual individuals. How is that for you?

Daren Howard 

That's an interesting question. On the one hand, non-monogamy, and the sort of normative expectations around monogamy could be a whole separate conversation, but it intersects with bisexuality significantly. And, and, you know, maybe it's a good moment to just broaden the conversation, at least for myself and probably many others that when I say bisexuality, folks younger than me might use terms like pansexual that like I just didn't have exposure to when I was younger. But for me, using a term like bisexual is not a reduction of gender to a binary or an exclusion say of trans and nonbinary people and sort of my sexual identity. What it is a way to say more than one for me. So bi doesn't mean men and women that's pretty reductive. I think for me bi means more than one. And so, if I'm attracted to more than one gender and in a monogamous relationship that means that if that monogamous relationship is long lasting, that that person is going to represent one gender, maybe that person goes through a gender transition, and that's part of it, but at any given time, they might only represent one gender, or maybe their gender identity is more complex, but it doesn't include it couldn't possibly one person couldn't possibly include all of what of their partner's sexual desires, right? Not even for monogamists I don't think anybody would pretend that that one person can fully meet all needs or something like that.

Philip King-Lowe 

I think that I think that's often unrealistic.

Daren Howard 

Yeah. And maybe even a little unhealthy. I wouldn't argue that monogamy is unhealthy inherently, but I would argue that that putting so much burden on one other person approaches something at least unattainable. And so, for me, non-monogamy is certainly a way to explore one's sexual pro or pro the cavities. It's stumbling over the word proclivities to you know, non-monogamy is a way that someone might explore their sexual proclivities more fully. But I think here, when I hear you talk about the long journey of finding your husband, and I know that Autistic Adults I think are as much as eight times more likely to identify as asexual. Let's not reduce sexuality to experience. Experience is part of it. But a person can be bisexual or any other, you know, LGBTQ identity without actually experiencing firsthand these aspects. So, if a person has never had gay sex that does not make them not gay, right? And I want folks in the Autism community to feel that they can explore their identity without forcing themselves to have experiences that like may not fit their life or for example, if they're monogamous, having other experiences may not. Yeah.  So, or just being inexperienced or young or what have you. I mean, I hear from teenagers and young people all the time that they're gay, without them being like actively experienced with sex, right that experience and sexuality are two separate things.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. I would like to take an opportunity like this to do some to share some information both about myself and also to kind of present a necessary part of this conversation. I am a Benedictine monastic, obviously, I'm not celibate, but a lot of us monastics will tell you that most of society has a very limited understanding of sexuality, that it's all about what one does with their genitals. Okay? But and this is also speaking from an Autistic point of view, where we also say sexuality or sexual expression is an all-sensory experience. The other part is that, um, monastics pray offices during the day. Which is praying the Psalms and various parts of the day morning, midday, evening, nighttime, and we see those things as very sexual. As in when we're rising and bowing and we're listening and thinking and sitting down again, and going through those physical motions, we are being sexual. We are expressing our prayerful life through our bodies and through what we're saying not just by what we're saying, but also by what we're doing physically. And therefore, I propose that we also learn to think of sexuality as being more than just what one does with their private parts. But also, what we do with our entire body, and how we express our thoughts, our feelings, and I also want to say go back to the fact that a lot of us Autistics, we don't read body language. We don't use it quite the same way, which that's not. We're not criticizing that. So. And again, what I've just said is a perspective that doesn't have to be everybody else's. But that is one perspective I'm bringing to this. And so yeah, go ahead.

Daren Howard 

Well, that's really interesting. And I am learning here I'm not super familiar with the lifestyle, but it reminds me a little bit of the kink community. Yeah. You know, which there is room in the kink community for heterosexuals, and every other sexual identity. But for those that may not know that kink community is a way to refer to the community of people that practice BDSM. And BDSM includes a whole bunch of different practices. And there's no reason that folks should feel like they have to adopt all of those practices or any of those practices. There's no sort of moral I don't maintain a moral position, about BDSM. I maintain moral positions about individual's behavior. But you know, some people look at it and have moral judgment. But what I what I'm struck by, is that members of the kink community do something similar to what you're talking about where they are working out their desires in physical ways, that aren't always traditionally sexual. Certainly not reduced to say penetrative sex, right. And so, you know, I'm just going to pick a random thing, but like, let's say that a big part of somebody's BDSM experience is like flogging and whipping and spanking and stuff like that, right? Somebody can go through a whole thing, the whole experience, they'll often call it a scene like acting. I don't know if that language is universal. I've just heard people use it but somebody who go through a whole scene and never achieve you know, I don't want to be too graphic but like, never achieve orgasm never had penetrative sex like, because it's not about those particular actions. It's about a particular experience that they're seeking right? And that sounds a lot like what you're describing. And I think it's a good opportunity for us to imagine that there might be a listener who is seeking to understand their sexuality more. And, and I want that person to hear us say that like it's a journey that you can explore. And that while there might be safe and unsafe behaviors, for sure, it is not reduced to a particular set of experiences.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, I agree. 

After this next commercial break, Daren and I will talk about becoming engaged by recognizing the urgency of advocating with our intersectional communities.  We will also talk about why queering is an imperative means of achieving inclusion.

Commercial Break II

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The 4^th of July is coming up in a few weeks.  July 4^th is not the best day for many Neurodivergent people and those with PTSD because of the fireworks.  The sound of fireworks can be a terrible trigger for the auditory sensory processing needs of many Autistics.  If you are affected by the sound of fireworks wear your noise cancelling headphones to decrease the volume of the fireworks noise, and/or find a safe space where you can fidget or do something to distract you.  If you are a caregiver of an Autistic person of any age who is affected by such sounds, please do not make them attend the fireworks as the brightness of the lights and the loud noise from them can have serious repercussions.  Let them wear noise cancelling headphones without saying negative things to your Autistic individuals who react to those sounds.  They are not pretending, nor do they need to be made to feel that they are doing anything wrong.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

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Segment 3

Philip King-Lowe

When I ask the question, how can we engage our Intersecting communities regarding the Autistic Bisexual Experience? I think I think it's more about engaging in the conversations I guess, about what we were just talking about, with the diversity of experiences and needs. And we know that the Autism Spectrum is a diversity of experiences. And we also know that sexuality, activity, identity is also a diversity of experiences. And so, if we're going to engage one another in conversations about different sexual identities, I think we need to start from the point that they are all about diversity of experiences. Go on with that, and we'll see where it takes us.

Daren Howard 

Well, I think this is another great opportunity to reintroduce and redefine a term for the audience around intersectionality. And what we're saying is that if we, as a community celebrate all sexual identities that's not dissimilar to celebrating all neurotypes and neurodiversity, as we often talk about is about recognizing that there is not one right brain just like there's one not one right sex. And there is not just one way of thinking that all differences including differences that are especially challenging, like Autism or mental health issues or what have you. Even if it comes with challenges, that it is worth embracing as part of the diversity of the of humanity. And it's a great chance to redefine intersectionality a little bit because I often find that when folks first engage with a word like intersectionality, they often will misinterpret it. They'll say, you know also what you're saying is that if you're Autistic and queer, it's worse for you. And if you're a person of color, it's worse. And while it's true they think that the challenges with marginalization can be exacerbated and have a multiplying effect across multiple identities. It is not a contest. People like to say it's not the oppression Olympics, right? We're not in a contest to see who is more oppressed. What we are saying when we say that these things intersect, and interplay is that the systems of oppression are interwoven in a way that we cannot undo just one of them. So, racism, and homophobia and antisemitism and ableism and misogyny, these things are all so tied together in this imperialist colonialist framework that they all seek to oppress people. And they're, you know, I heard from somebody who kind of set asked the question like, Well, does this mean that if I'm a straight, white had, you know, cisgender male that I'm not experiencing depression? And that's a no, no, it doesn't. Of course, you can experience oppression, both as an individual and as a group. But when these things intersect you can't just change one of those variables and undo that issue. So, you can't change the race of a person in the in the example and say, All now we want to deal with racism because race is affecting them because racism is tied into homophobia, and ableism and antisemitism and so on. And so, this shows up for the queer community sometimes in the dynamics between lesbians and gays, for example, where because men have more privilege in our society. There have been times where gay men have not been as inclusive as they should have been of lesbian community and I'm sure vice versa, though, notably, and in the height of the AIDS epidemic. Many lesbians stood in solidarity with gay men and supported gay men and really modeled for us what solidarity looks like. But for example, sometimes the LGB community will exclude trans individuals, right? Yes. And that's a real issue because we can't deal with homophobia without also dealing with transphobia. And we can't deal with homophobia without also dealing with misogyny and so whether it's race or anything else, even class which kind of knows no barriers. All of these things are intersecting and intertwined. And this is a fabric that has to be unweaves in its entirety for us to really be free. And the Autism community, which is majority white male, just by its statistics. Yes. Would do well to remember that our freedom and self-determination is tied to the freedom and self-determination of people who have little else in common with us.

Philip King-Lowe 

This is a great time to turn back, everyone to Nick Walker. Dr. Nick Walker, who was on last October, the author of Neuroqueer Heresies. Dr. Nick Walker would remind us that queer is a verb, not necessarily a noun or a label and that Neuroqueer and queer in that context, from her point of view, means that we can choose to liberate ourselves from neuro-normativity or gender normativity or the idea that there is a normal sexual identity orientation, and there is of course, the Neurodiversity Paradigm, which Dr. Nick Walker actually helped bring about is that all brain types are included. And actually, Dr. Nick Walker would say that Neuroqueering means eliminating the idea of brain types. And you know, I do think that a lot of what is happening in the conversations like what we're having is, one may not have choices over one's gender identity or what one discovers about one's gender identity or one's sexual identity orientation part. We may not have some choices we do have choices, such as we can choose to liberate ourselves from the oppression that we have taught, been taught towards ourselves. We can make some choices and oftentimes they need to be informed, but we can make those choices and I think one of the ways that we engage is to continue to inform ourselves as best as we can to make those choices. I like one of the things that Dr. Nick Walker says in that we can choose to liberate ourselves from when she says that Dr. Nick Walker is talking about how those oppressive systems, we can choose to liberate ourselves from them. So, I think those are definitely worth mentioning here. Yeah. So now, let us turn to how do we empower our Intersectional Autistic Adult Communities? And what are we what are we saying when we talk about it with regards to the Autistic bisexual experience? What do we mean by this? And what does empowerment look like? I think Daren, we need to kind of give some context here as to what that looks like.

Daren Howard 

So, yeah, and I appreciate you bringing up Nick Walker's writing. She's contributed a lot to this framework, this Neuroqueer framework, and you said something that stood out to me earlier you said that we're that what she says is that queer is not an identity. It's a verb. And we were just talking a few minutes ago, about how one can have a queer identity regardless of their experiences and experience level and monogamy, non-monogamy status and so on. What's important is that when we say and then what Nick Walker meant when she said that queer is a verb is not about the sexual experience. It's about the thing the queer community is and was doing to society. Queering isn't just making something more gay, which is like I think enough in and of itself, like I love it, but queering is the very civil rights movement that the queer community has pursued. Right? So, the fight for example, for gay marriage that legislative change that happened the in the scheme of things happened pretty recently. In here in the States, that legislative change is the result of the gay rights movement, which Walker's calling queering. And the Neurodiversity movement, the Autistic self-advocacy movement, whatever language we want to use here, that disability justice community, we would do well to learn from the queer community. And so, what I think is important about today's topic, and about empowering people across an intersectional framework, is that we can empower our community by being inclusive in the same way that the LGBTQ community, at its most successful, has been inclusive and I know that it's not always been inclusive, but when the LGBTQ community includes everybody from the alphabet, and acts in solidarity, they became they become a force to reckon with and this makes sense, right? If we think of, I don't know the stats I work hard. To Memorize statistics around Autism, and I don't really consider myself a voice of the queer community. But while I don't have the stats, I have to assume that transgender people are a small minority of people, right? Let's say a couple of percentage points. That community is really small and doesn't have a lot of power, as, say a voting bloc, or as consumers. But when we get the whole LGBTQ alphabet together, and we behave as one queer community, pursuing justice, then we are able to lift up the trans members of the community and operate as a block more powerful than any one of these individual letters can be. And it goes back to that intersectionality understanding of oppression being woven together, that if oppression is woven, together, then we have to resist all forms of oppression. And if we are a small minority, we have to act in solidarity. So Autistic people are, let's say, 3% at the high end of the population, according to current prevalence data, and current prevalence data may well be flawed, but that's a conversation for another time. So, if we're 3% of the population, it's really hard for us to act as a group and make change. But if we allow ourselves to be included in the Neurodiversity Paradigm, now we're talking about as much as like 20% of the population probably. And if we include ourselves in the disability justice movement overall. Well, one in three people has a disability. So now we're talking about a real voting bloc and a real movement of people and of consumers and so on. And so, if all us people experiencing depression across an identity, got together and pursued justice we would be the biggest majority, right? Of any time and it is only in solidarity that we are going to be able to achieve justice. I think that this ties to functioning labels. I think that the people who really push functioning labels high and low functioning, that people that really push terms like severe and profound Autism those folks, whether they understand it or not, and whether they have ill intent or not, are seeking to divide our community into smaller segments that can be oppressed. Now, they may not have that malicious intent, but that's going to be the result. And when we whether we drop functioning labels or not, when we act in solidarity, we are able to improve life for all of us on the Autism Spectrum, right?

Philip King-Lowe 

One of Dr. Nick Walker's cohorts is David Gray-Hammond who was on a little over a year ago to talk about his book, The New Normal, mentioned Dr. Nick Walker's name. The point is, is that they feel that the Autistic community has really been queering a lot of language, including we have participated in helping people to understand that to have a disability is to be in a state of massive oppression. Because of how the system is set up, to classify us, if you will. But you know, the Autistic community, and I would have to point out organizations like the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, which does a fantastic work on behalf of the Autistic community, and a lot of other organizations especially those that are also being led by queer Autistic Neurodivergent folk. And one thing that I have become very interested in over the past few years since I've been talking with other Autistics, is that even individuals who might see themselves as heterosexual or straight take their preference are also now starting to use the word queer. Which based on the time that I grew up in, they wouldn't dare you know? But now we're beginning to understand that the queer means something more than just an identity and that sort of thing. But, you know, I do think that the Autistic community is really working hard. From whatever perspective they may be going. It's really queer, I think the language we use around disability oppression. And one of the things I continue to be amazed by is that the Autistic community seems to be the best at embracing diversity, more so than me, because I have to tell you, I have found more acceptance as a gay individual, in the Autistic community that I ever found in the LGBTQ communities beyond. I have found that to be true, so true. You know, and I think that's worth mentioning.

Daren Howard 

Yeah, I don't know how to frame it in a way that is evidence based, but I do know that if you've ever been to a gay nightclub, you know, that the queer community can be just as consumerist. Does anybody else right? Oh, yes. And I'm guilty of all kinds of consumerism. I don't say that from a place of too much judgment. So, just because someone is oppressed, does not mean that they are inclusive. Right? And when I hear you talk about the Autism community queering their language and so on, I'm what I'm really hearing is that there is a movement towards inclusivity in the community. Yeah. And I love that. And I think that that is in willful opposition almost to the early stages of the Autism advocacy movements that were led by parents and so on. Listeners will know that I'm a parent of an Autistic kiddo. And I think that perspective of parents is important. I think that the choices parents make for their kids are complicated. I think that raising a person with a disability is hard. And that it is totally okay sometimes to center yourself in your thinking. What's not okay is to center yourself in the movement, right? And so, nobody is mad that nobody rational is mad that parents of Autistic children might occasionally center themselves. What's hard for folks to stomach is when they send to themselves in the movement when they write books centering themselves. When they start multimillion dollar organizations centering themselves, and excluding people who are Autistic or as the internet loves to say Actually Autistic. And we can fight that two ways. We can resist that and be vocal against it. And you know, hate the puzzle piece symbol or something. But I find that to be meaningfully. I'll be I'll be careful. I find that to be pointless. I don't think it's productive. What is productive is queering. The movement right being more inclusive, we can really resist that that history and those voices by being inclusive of those who are marginalized, and now being inclusive means including parents too. And parent perspectives matter also, just not at the center of everything and being inclusive means including everyone, not just people who are like us and so I love to hear your observations that the Autism community is adopting more inclusive language and I think that it is really that it has political implications, and that it is a lesson to the rest of the world. You know, people resist Black Lives Matter. Because they think that it implies that black lives matter more, or that other lives don't matter. Which is not intellectually honest, it's pretty reductive. But more importantly, they see themselves in competition with black lives. And if they were more inclusive than all lives would be safer. And the rest of the world the, you know, simplifying between black and other hair, everyone else would be safer too if black lives were safer, right? Right. So, this this inclusion is a lot better than being angry on the internet. And I know that there are people in our sphere of influence in our networks, who are angry, and your anger is valid. And I know that there are people in the queer community who are angry and when I think of all of the anti-trans legislation right now, right, like, you have every reason to be angry. But being inclusive, I think long term is the strategy and I'm not arguing for incrementalism here. I'm just I'm just arguing that it's more effective.

After this final commercial break Daren will tell us what Autistic Pride means for him followed by Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board.

Commercial Break III

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Future Shows

The celebration of Pride continues on June 16^th with The Autistic Black Nonbinary Experience. Oluwatobi Odugunwa will talk with me about their experiences of finding inclusion in the various communities they intersect with.  We will talk about the importance of finding others within each of the identities we are linked with, and search for opportunities for them to find companionship with all of them together. 

The third annual Summer of Self-Care Series (SOSS) begins on July 7^th  with Self-Care: Getting Enough Rest.  Becca Lory Hector joins me to talk about the importance of each Autistic person to get the rest we need with self-awareness and setting boundaries.  Becca will talk about July as Disability Pride month and her book: Always Bring your Sunglasses: And Other Stories from a Life of Sensory and Social Invalidation.

Dr. Devon Price will join me on July 21^st for Self-Care: Surviving Disheartening Rhetoric.  Disheartening rhetoric often targets Autistic Adults and our intersectional communities especially during election years.  Dr. Devon Price will join me to talk about how disheartening rhetoric harms us and what we can do to take care of ourselves in these trying times. 

Check out to the Future Shows Page on todaysautisticmoment.com for all updates about shows coming up.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

Segment 4

Philip King-Lowe 

Before we wrap this up, what does Autistic Pride mean for you? I think sometimes we forget that June is also Autistic Pride Month, and we celebrate being Autistic. What does that mean for you?

Daren Howard 

Autistic pride. Like Gay Pride before and like Disability Pride is hard for people who don't identify with those experiences to understand. There is what is that movie? There's this movie. It's old now called The Family Stone, where it's a romantic comedy. It's not very good. And there's this scene where this woman comes to meet her partner's family. And one of his siblings is gay. And she's like, she puts her foot in her mouth, and she basically says something like, Well, you wouldn't. You wouldn't choose for him to be gay. You wouldn't want him to be gay. And everybody gets super mad at her because of how horrible that is. And she tries to backpedal, and she says like, what I mean is that it's hard. And at the time the movie was made, it was even harder, probably, but that it's hard to be gay and you wouldn't want your child to suffer and have challenges. And the family, you know, it's a romantic comedy. So, it only goes so deep. But the family is basically like, no, we want our kids to be who they are. And we love them being gay and like it's no, you know, we want this and it's weird to have that framework. I think people would still have that would still be confused by that framework when we talk about disability. So, Disability Pride, the precursor to Autistic Pride here is being proud of being disabled and being disabled is inconvenient, at least, and meaningfully oppressive at worst. And so, to be proud to be disabled, is to say, I may not love the way the world treats me. But I am very happy with who I am. So, when you ask me what Autistic Pride means to me, we have a fight ahead of us we have work to do. As a parent of an Autistic child, I have work to do to prepare the world for them. It is not easy being Autistic. And just like it's not easy being queer sometimes. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And I'm proud of who I am. And because I spent so long being closeted. I'll say this. I'm proud of who I am. And my mental health has only gotten better as I have been honest with myself and others. So, we talked about whether or not one has, you know, a lot of experience not necessarily being the thing that makes them bi or not. For me being in a heterosexual marriage, like I obviously have disparity at least have experiences there. And yet, I am happier than ever. And I wouldn't have it any other way and I'm so much more emotionally stable, being honest about who I am. That's what I want for autistic people. That's what I that's what Autistic Pride means for me is that I'm, I may not be happy with society, but I'm very much happy with who I am. And pre-diagnosis versus post-diagnosis for me is night and day between real mental health struggle and real freedom.

Philip King-Lowe 

That's excellent. Thank you so much for articulating that so well. Daren Howard, it's always a pleasure to have you on Today's Autistic Moment and your work at The Autism Society Minnesota continues to make it a better organization around. And I love talking with you because you are articulate and clear and very thoughtful. So, thank you for being here. And we look forward to speaking with you another time.

Daren Howard

Thank you for having me

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board

All of these events and many others with their links can be found at todaysautisticmoment.com/bulletinboard.

The Autism Society of Minnesota invites you to a virtual workshop on June 6^th, 2024, beginning at 9:00am to 12:00pm entitled: Plain Language and Easy Read: An Introduction to Cognitively Accessible Formats.  The presentation will cover cognitively accessible formats when writing for Autistic people and other people with IDD.  We will talk about the difference between Plain Language and Easy Read, and the basics of illustrating and formatting Plain Language and Easy Read.  No prior experience in cognitively accessible formats is required, however, please come prepared to try writing in these formats.  The cost is $35-$65. 

Understanding Autism virtual classes will be offered by The Autism Society of Minnesota. These classes are perfect for Autistic individuals, caregivers, those who want to understand the basics of Autism and support Autistic people. Classes will be on June 10^th at 2 pm. July 15^th at 10am. August 12^th at 6pm. September 9^th at 2pm. November 11^th at 10am. December 9^th at 6pm. Classes are free of charge, but you must register to attend.

Register for the Summer ASD Direct Support Certification Classes at The Autism Society of Minnesota.  Classes will be Monday through Friday, June 10^th to the 14^th, from 9am to 12noon. The cost is $300 per person, scholarships are available.

Go to ausm.org to get more information about these and other social and educational events, counseling services and support groups at The Autism Society of Minnesota.

MNeurodivergent is a social club rooted in a vision of bringing Neurodivergent Minnesotans together to build meaningful connections.  Its core principle is to foster an environment where all are treated with dignity and respect regardless of ability or preferences. Go to the bulletin board at todaysautisticmoment.com and click on the Meet Up link to become a member and attend their events.

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Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.

May you have an Autistically Amazing day.