Self-Care: Getting Enough Rest

Transcript

Self-Care: Getting Enough Rest

July 7th, 2024

Segment 1

Welcome everyone to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by an Autistic Adult. My name is Philip King-Lowe. I am the owner, producer, and host; and I am an Autistic Adult. Thank you so very much for listening.

Today’s Autistic Moment is a member of The Autistic Podcasters Network.

Explore, Engage, Empower: Today’s Autistic Moment-The Podcast for Intersectional Autistic Adult Communities

This first segment of Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored by The Autism Society of Minnesota, known as AuSM throughout Minnesota’s Autism community. As Minnesota’s First Autism Resource for more than 50 years, AuSM serves the whole state, the whole spectrum, for the whole life. Visit AuSM online at ausm.org. 

Thank you for joining me for Self-Care: Getting Enough Rest. Becca Lory Hector will be my guest in segment 2.  

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This episode is being dedicated to my dear friend Jerry Conner, Jr.  Jerry passed away at 6:45am on June 24th, 2024.  Jerry had Spinal Muscular Atrophy a Muscular Dystrophy disease that is progressive.  The disease weakens the muscles in the center of one’s body, and results in the individual’s inability to move them. Jerry was my good friend who helped me with accepting my own disabilities.  Later during my conversation with Becca Lory Hector, I will talk about Jerry and how important he was to my family. 

This episode begins the annual Summer of Self-Care Series (SOSS).  Self-Care means looking after our own needs.  Self-Care for each Autistic person will be different.  The purpose of the Summer of Self-Care Series is to help you make your own Self-Care Decisions. 

Now that we have moved from the Spring into Summer, many of us are burned out after Autism Month in April and LGBTQIA+ and Autistic Pride Month in June.  Many of us may be feeling advocacy burnout.  If you are experiencing burn out or weariness, we are here to validate your needs. 

Becca Lory Hector will join me in segment 2 to talk about getting enough rest.  As Becca will explain, rest does not only mean getting enough sleep. Getting enough rest includes doing the things that you enjoy most.  Getting rest may include withdrawing for a while, or spending more time with the people who support you.  Getting rest can include camping, going on a vacation, or writing.  Whatever your way of getting enough rest is, it includes self-awareness and setting boundaries. Getting enough rest includes saying the word NO to things and people who will not respect your need for rest.  You have every right to rejuvenate yourself. 

After this first commercial break, Becca Lory Hector and I will discuss Self-Care: Getting Enough Rest.

Commercial Break I

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Segment 2

Philip King-Lowe 

Becca Lory Hector, it's been a while since we've seen you on Today's Autistic Moment, but welcome back. It's always a pleasure to talk with you.

Becca Lory Hector 

I'm really glad to be back. I love that it's been a while because that means you've had a bunch of other guests in between, and I love seeing who you have on all the time, so I'm glad to be back, though.

Philip King-Lowe 

Wonderful. Thank you. Yeah. Well, now that we are into the Summer months, and the Summer Self-Care Series is starting, and I love that we're talking about Self-Care Getting Enough Rest here, because for me, anyway, January through June is my hit the ground running time. Between setting up interviews and getting recordings done, and, you know, preparing to publish shows. And of course, April being Autism Month, which is just full speed ahead with things here or there, and now Pride Month. And you know, this is a time of the year that I start to, you know, go on a sort of a slower schedule. And, you know, sort of plan things for the Fall and ongoing, but I love that we're about to talk about getting enough rest, and what that means and why that's so important, especially since you know the things that I'm talking about and so many Autistics are dealing with the stresses that we live with day in day out. So, I love that we're going to talk about this.

Becca Lory Hector 

Me too, and I think it's the perfect time of year to talk about it. Absolutely.

Philip King-Lowe 

Absolutely. Yeah. So where can we begin to explore this topic of Self-Care: Getting Enough Rest?

Becca Lory Hector 

Well, I think we need to talk about what rest means to people, right? Because there's different ways to rest, there's different kinds of rest, right? And there's also the other component of what we mean when we talk about rest is, you know, is it a guilty pleasure, or are you thinking about it in terms of it being the necessity that it is right? That everybody needs to rest, right? We need to have that energy. And I think for Autistic folks, the concept of rest kind of goes hand in hand with the term recharge, which I feel like are our little mini rests that we try to take in between. And those are like extra resting that we need to do in between our real resting. So, there's all different layers of it to me, and I think about it a lot, because it's something that I never did for myself, or that I never thought of as a necessity, until I began to look at my life through the disability lens.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, and I think it's fair to say there are the cat naps as we say.

Becca Lory Hector 

Right, yeah. And sometimes I rest without actually sleeping, right? So, like, you know rest doesn't mean sleep. Sleep and rest are different things. And so, thinking about it that way really expands just your thought process on it, right? Sleeping is a form of rest, but I also rest when I'm reading. If I my alone time is often, you know, I call it recharge, but what I'm really doing is resting. Resting my brain and those kind of things. So, I really, you know, I didn't look at it that way, because I think I did equate rest and sleep with each other for a really long time. But most of the time when I say rest, I'm not sleeping.

Philip King-Lowe 

Rest can be just withdrawing for a while. Withdrawing from people. Withdrawing from social media. Withdrawing from reading news, which it's hard to do that these days, especially since it comes at us 500 miles an hour.

Becca Lory Hector 

Rest can also be like just lightening your load, right? Can be saying, You know what? I do this volunteer work most of the time, but I need a month away from that right? Or I need right? And so really, when we break down rest, what we're talking about is, is doing less, the doing right has to slow down. Yeah. And so, you know, I guess what, I want to know what rest means to everyone else you know? Because I think of it in this really varied way, but that's I think, because I stopped to think about it. But not everybody does, right? I think a lot of people do equate rest and sleep.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, well, I think we should talk about the fact that one of the things that can really interfere with Autistics getting rest. And you know, I'm really doing a lot of focusing on our intersectional communities this season and will continue to do that in the next one or two seasons coming up because, because of the stigmas that we live with. Because of the pressures that we live with. I've talked a lot about how a lot of us are unemployed or underemployed. You know, we are obviously, we face economic inequality for a lot of us, which means we're always looking, you know, we may be constantly looking for a place to live. Someone to feel safe living with. We will probably face, you know, things like trying to get our service, gets support services and that sort of thing. Sometimes it feels like there just isn't enough rest from those kinds of things. Because they are constant.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yes.

Philip King-Lowe 

You know, go ahead.

Becca Lory Hector 

Sometimes that's unavoidable, right? It's our job to think about it in a cycle, right? Sometimes we get we find ourselves in a space where, in order to survive, literally, we can't stop and rest. We have too many things to do. But the hope is that that's a temporary situation, right? And that when it alleviates itself, you will have time to rest, and it's important to make sure that happens, and not to just go from a period of, you know, high productivity, and not take the time to rest, right, and not think of it as a cycle. So, if you can't rest in the moment, you have to make sure that rest happens eventually, right? And it's best to know that it's coming so you can plan for it, right? To know that you're going to need that rest right at some point, because if you don't do it, your body will do it for you, is what happens, right? Because it's again, it's a necessity. It's not an option. It's not an optional thing, right? Our bodies literally need rest and sleep, right? There's a component of that, but there are other ways too, that I think we don't allow our minds to rest, even when we're laying down like our body is physically still, right, our minds aren't necessarily at rest, and that means you're not really resting.

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. Yeah. And you know, even when, when the pressures of life are overwhelming, you can still do some things to change your oxygen level a little bit. There's a practice of what we call square breathing are, or what we call mindful meditation, or just taking some time to let your thoughts come in and go out without stopping any one of them, particularly just they'll come, and you just let them go, that sort of thing, as best you can. You can take rests like that. Rest can also include doing some stretching exercises to, once again, put some of that oxygen back in your body. You can stretch your hands up, or turn your neck or do something that, like, I say, just, just puts that oxygen back in your body so that you can actually breathe. Things like that are part of the rest as well when you take time to refill your oxygen tanks, because we often when we're in the middle of so much stress, we don't realize how much of that is absorbing the oxygen in our bodies. I also think that it's important to, you know, have some tools or even lists that you might keep, to remember to do certain things. For example, someone explained to me that you know, if you're feeling anxiety, overwhelming, anxiety, anxiety, meltdown, that kind of thing, this is what some people do, and it won't work for everybody, but some recommend that you have access to an ice pack or something to put that against the front of your head. Because what's happening is that all of that, all of that, is basically moved to the back of your brain. And you want to bring shock it, bring it to the front of the brain so you can actually think rationally. You can kind of calm down, begin to see it from the perspective that it that is a little bit more, you know, again, it's a little easier to think than it is. You know, things like that are also part of the resting that you need to do. Go ahead.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yeah, all of that, right? And sometimes we need to literally schedule it in to remind ourselves that it's something we must do, right? That as we're, you know, building our schedules out, or as we're thinking about our commitments, that we make sure we've left scheduled time in there to rest right and recover so that you can continue to do the things that you need to do and want to do.

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. Yeah, absolutely, I think that. you know, and the Self-Care that we're talking about, it does include creating some boundaries for yourself. You know, I mean, you can kind of set a set of boundaries, such as, you know, when I'm at this level four, I'm going to start to back off and, you know, go do something else, or think about something else. You know, especially where some of us, we may not really realize how much energy we're pouring into something, until either we finally figure it out. Or you might have somebody in your life that you trust who says you look like you're stressed out. I think you need to take a break and all that sort of thing; you know. And again, since our intersectional communities are all intertwined here, we know that. You know Autistics who are of different races are going to feel it from the systemic racism as well as the "neuro normativity." And you know, LGBT people are feeling the crunch right now, because our rights and bodily autonomy is under attack and so much of these things that are happening, it really is very stressful. And I'm actually having an episode in I'm having an episode in a couple of weeks with Dr. Devon Price, where we'll, we're talking about Self-Care: Surviving Disheartening Rhetoric. And we make the remark that there was one set upon a time where we felt like we had to, you know, know, everything that was going on, from our opponents, we had to, you know, read every blog and every new piece of news and the fact is, we just can't do that because of what that does to our emotions, our anger and it drains.

Becca Lory Hector 

That reminds me of like just thinking about how I just had a conversation recently with a friend about how those of us who do this work for a living, right, who take care of the community as part of our career, right? Also need a break from like Autism land sometimes, right? So, I have to create these separate spaces in my life where I can take breaks from those things, where that content isn't available to me, where I'm not thinking about those things. So, I can make sure that, you know, I have balance in my life and that I'm not, you know, you know, thinking about other people and not taking care of myself, right? And I'm that I'm taking the breaks that I need to take care of my little, little Autism, right, my own, right?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. I like to, I like to say, also, I know that there are some people, especially during this particular part of the summer, we are feeling a lot of advocacy burnout. We've been advocating through April, May, June, and that sort of thing. And we just, our brains are just full. It just can't do anymore. Absolutely. A part of our self-care advice right now is going to be, it's okay that you feel like that.

Becca Lory Hector 

Right. Of course, you know, it's okay to feel like that about almost anything, right? If our lives get off balance and sometimes, again, like Philip's talking about, we can't control it because it's just that time of year, or it's, you know, something that's going on in your family that you don't have control over. But it's okay to feel like you need a break from that. It doesn't mean that you don't care about that thing,

Philip King-Lowe 

No. And the thing is, is that it's okay to leave it for a little bit, because even though we're kind of backing off for now, there are other people who are going to be doing their advocacy work, so we can actually let them do it for a little while. When we're ready, we can hop back in and do what we got to do.

Becca Lory Hector 

I mean, and that's the way that we should function, you know, we function hopefully in our relationships too, right? Yeah, I need a break, and that other person helps hold you up for a while, and then, you know, you do the same back for them. And that's the way we do it. It's, you know, this concept of being independent, where you do everything by yourself, isn't what really happens out in the world. We are very much interdependent upon each other

Philip King-Lowe 

Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

After this next commercial break, Becca and I will talk about one form of rest which is to celebrate Disability Pride Month.  I will also talk more about my friend Jerry.  Becca will share the DEI work she does and how being proactive to get enough rest can be empowering.

Commercial Break II

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Segment 3

Philip King-Lowe

Well now let us move into my second question, which is, how do we get our Intersectional Autistic Adult communities engaged in Self-Care? And I think this is a good time to talk about one of the things we need to do is as part of rest, is to celebrate who we are. July is Disability Pride Month, and I must say that I have not been able to do that over the past few years because, as I've just been saying, after Autism Month and then LGBTQ Pride Month and all that. Again, I just, I just haven't been able to put my head around it. But we do want to talk about disability pride, and you have been a very active advocate for that particular thing. I've seen some of your posts on LinkedIn about that one. About disability pride. So, let's talk about how disability pride, about disability pride itself, and then how it's a bit of a part of our rest. And then I want to talk about my friend Jerry. So go ahead,

Becca Lory Hector 

Absolutely. So, to me, Disability Pride is a month where we get to be recognized right? For just exactly who we are, and that's it, right, which doesn't happen to us the rest of the year, most of the rest of the year, we're doing our best to try to belong in a world that doesn't really make it easy for us to feel that way, right? And this is a month where we get to say it's a lot of work to do that, and I deserve this rest, right? I deserve the time and the break from doing all of that work, and I deserve the right to just be me, right, and not have to worry about all those other components for the month and to celebrate being me and all the other people who are like us in the disability community, right?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, and Disability Pride Month is it's important because of all of us who are Autistic, just about all of us who are Autistic. We, we do intersect with the communities of various disabilities. You know, physical, mental, emotional, psychological, whatever those disabilities are we, we intersect with all of them in one way or the other. I with my chronic back pain and diabetes. I now have psychiatrist's determination that being Autistic and ADHD, is affecting my mind, body coordination, you know, so many of these different things. And as I actually wrote a blog a few months ago that you know, being Autistic is physical. It is very much physical. And so, we're intersecting people with disabilities, and it's important to celebrate that and also to recognize that. And there is so much ableism to be fought in the world and to be recognized that we need that interaction. And part of becoming engaged is connecting with other disabled people and that sort of thing. So, I'll let you go with that, and then we'll talk about Jerry.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yeah. So, I really think that, you know, taking the time to think about that greater community, right? And thinking about our heart in that greater community really allows us to pick up some numbers. And so, I really like being a part of that greater community and making sure that I take the time out to acknowledge that we are all part of this disability community, even though parts of the year we all kind of separate out into whatever our particular area is.

Philip King-Lowe 

As you will know from my introduction that I'm dedicating this to the memory of Jerry W. Connor, Jr. Jerry was very instrumental to me about 12 years ago when I was diagnosed, identified as Autistic, and I was approved to be on disability. I went through a really rough time accepting that and feeling like I could do that without feeling overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness and a sense of, you know, quite frankly, a failure. And also, just realizing that I was in for those horrible stares by people who think that I'm fleecing the system because I can walk at that point in time, at a walk, talk, and do all the things that, "nondisabled people are supposed to do." And so, I knew that I would be facing that kind of thing. And when I would talk with Jerry about that, I remember talking with him about how I was feeling, and among the things that he said to me was that being disabled for him wasn't anything he really had a choice about. He always was. But that he really, you know, it took him a while to, you know, especially since he had Spinal Muscular Atrophy that he couldn't hardly move much of his body. He was in a power chair, and that sort of thing. And he passed away on the 24th of June at 6:45am, because he had had several bouts with pneumonia and COVID-19 and was in tremendous pain, which he's not anymore. And I'm thankful for that. But he was really the person that helped me, just if you're disabled, it's okay. You know, it's all right. We know that the that the world is cruel. We know that, but it's okay to be in the space. And then the other part that was really helpful is that it was in 2018 when I started really feeling that back pain and had to start using a manual wheelchair. And I remember when I started using that manual wheelchair, there was one day when I was going through the doors of a Best Buy. You go through that first set of electric doors and then the second. And I made it through the first set okay with my chair, but I was having some trouble getting over that second threshold. And suddenly I felt my chair just move very smoothly through that threshold. And I And behind me there was this man who said, See, I wanted to help you. And, you know, I thought you could use a help, and now you're fine. And part of me was, was actually grateful for that, but there was that other part that said, you know, I would have preferred that he had asked me first. You know, my wheelchair is not a piece of furniture, nor am I. It's a part of my body. And I, when I, when I mentioned that, Jerry said to me, "you would be surprised how many, how many people actually do that kind of thing to people in power chairs." I mean, some of the absurd things that people would do to him include things like being in a grocery store, for example, being in an aisle with his sister, and someone would come up, and they'd want something off the shelf right where he is, and they would just move him so that they could get to whatever it was that they were after. I mean, you know the rudeness and not to mention the gross pets on the head and comments like, "I hope you'll have a better day now" you know that sort of thing. It's gross. It's absolutely gross. But he faced those things, and he was able to tell me about that kind of thing and say, Yeah, people are nasty. And he hated it and, but he never stopped advocating for himself and being there for me at that point in time. So, he and I talked every weekend for a long time, and he was just so powerful for me, and I want to say that part of celebrating Autistic pride. Yes, of course. But Disability Pride Month is also remembering those disabled people in our lives who really did move us into a space where being disabled is okay. It's a great way to live, even if, even though we live in a society where we're just simply not accepted. Go ahead Becca.

Becca Lory Hector 

I think being disabled is actually a really innovative way to live. And I know that sounds crazy, but we are really resilient people, and we have to figure out how to make a world that's not built for us work for us, right? And that means really being able to think creatively and think on the fly, and, you know, manage a lot of different scenarios that other people don't have to think about on a regular basis. And so, there's a way, you know, just having a disability is a way of living that's different from the way that other people live.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, and we're, we're talking about getting enough rest, which also mean, you know, rest can also just mean going through that process of self-acceptance, and, you know, like I say, taking time to learn from others around us, you know.

Becca Lory Hector 

And it's also okay to just take a break from that and let everyone else carry that load for a little bit.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah.

Becca Lory Hector 

I mean, because I really want people to feel like, you know, there's no shame in rest. It's a necessity, right? And the rest of us will carry the load while you take your rest, right? It doesn't mean that you stopped caring, or that it stopped mattering to you, or that it's any less important, right, that you have to take a pause and take a rest.

Philip King-Lowe 

That's right. I agree. Now that we've talked to explore this topic, and we've talked about being engaged, now we want to talk about being empowered, you know. And I like to think of being empowered, you know, I repeat about how empowering Jerry was for me, you know. And I like to say, being empowered involves telling your story and listening to other people tell their stories. You know. For example, speaking of Jerry, I remember a year ago, he was going through a really rough time getting his wheelchair replaced because it wasn't working, and it had become extremely uncomfortable for him. And it took maybe two months for him to get through that. Until he was able to get through that, he pretty much had to spend his life being laid out on his bed. And I and I remember, I was like, That's just crazy. That's just absolutely crazy. But it's because of our system that's so broken. I think being empowered involves knowing things like that. Yes. You know, knowing about things like that, and even responding, reacting to things like that, and realizing there's so much work to do within our systems and within ourselves, because these things happen, and we need to hear that those things are happening. And I mean, I know one of the ways that you do a lot of your advocacy work is by working on DEI, that sort of thing. And there's a lot to be said about that. So, let's talk about things like DEI and how that can be empowering, and then continue with what you're about to say.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yeah, I think you know the way, the reason that I kind of do the DEI work, which is Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and I do DEI B, so I add a, B for belonging. And the reason I do that work is because the beginnings of DEI were important, and it's important to recognize that it came originally, surrounding race. And for a long time, people really equated the concept of diversity with just race, and it was really frustrating. And as that DEI movement was picking up some strength, it was really important to remember that, you know, we have a lot of other marginalized groups that are also, you know, historically marginalized groups that are also part of that diversity picture, and that includes the disability community, right? And so, and all of us, those of us with visible, with apparent and non-apparent disabilities, yeah, right? And so, you know, it just, it's an important place for me, and the place that I think I found also the most challenges in my adulthood was in the realm of employment. And this is a way and a topic and a way for me to talk about these things in terms of the workplace and being a disabled employee.

Philip King-Lowe 

Some who are doing that work also add the A for accessible.

Becca Lory Hector 

Lots of and some people add a J for justice. And so, it depends on what your focus is, but belonging is, you know, something that I've been in search for, still to this day, my entire life. I'm always looking for spaces where I feel like I belong in my like, fully authentic self. Yeah. My journey. And so that's the letter that I choose.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, a lot of a lot of the DEI work is just helping people realize some of the things we even think that we don't realize are not helping all that, you know, you hear words like, you know, "I don't have any problem with people with disabilities. I know a lot of people with disabilities. I don't have a problem with people problem with people with disabilities." you know, things like that. They don't realize about what that sounds like. You know, in other words, we need you to acknowledge us, for us to, you know, be acknowledged. And that's not, no, that's not necessarily so. And they do that to a lot of the intersectional communities. You know I've heard I've heard my share of, "Well, I don't have an issue with gay people. I know a lot of gay people. I don't have a problem with gay people." Then one of the most atrocious statements people are always saying, "I'm not a white supremacist." But yet they'll say things like, "I'm not a racist. I have plenty of black friends. I am not a racist.  Right. But you know what they're really saying is, is that if they didn't know people who were of other races, they couldn't survive without them. You know what I mean. But in the Oh, no, I'm not saying that. No, well, you might want to rethink what you're saying or thinking. You know, it's just amazing that we have to say these things. But you know, Precious Leslie, back in February, said very much so that part of our problem right now is the way the rhetoric is coming. It's become socially acceptable to say things like that. Right. You know, and the same thing with Autistics and other Neurodivergents. It's become acceptable, especially with our politics being what they are these days. You know, and I refuse to get inter locked in with that. But the thing is, is, is that, you know, part of that empowerment, part of that rest, means to say an absolute no to all of that and to and to give ourselves time to work at the things that we're hearing, the things that we're absorbing. And the things that we have been absorbing, and rest can be time to reeducate ourselves, even so go ahead.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yes. I mean, I think that rest can be, you know, can look lots of different ways for lots of people, and so I really think I challenge anybody who's listening to think about the rest in their life. You know, are you someone who's thinking about it as sleep? Are you somebody who does different levels of rest throughout your day? You know, you're a break taker, right or not? Those kind of things, because we need rest, and you need to be able to kind of recharge your battery all the way up. And that's not always about sleep.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. And I will say I know that for many Autistics, one of the things about resting that involves sleep, is that how difficult it can be for a lot of us to turn our brains off when we're trying to sleep, because we're so we are. Many of us are very analytical. We're thinking about things all the time, and it can be very difficult. Now I will say my psychiatrist has prescribed me a sleep aid that works very well for me. It probably may not work for other people, but if you're working with a psychiatrist or some kind of doctor, you can ask about sleep aids that are not stuff that you buy over the counter, that can be addictive. But you can talk about, you know, I'm having difficulty with getting my brain to stop during the night, and they can, some sometimes prescribe something that can indeed help you sleep. You know, I'm somebody who my brain goes several different directions during the day. And so sometimes when I go to sleep at night, the brain is still running. You know, I mean, that may not work for you. You may need to do some kind of, I don't know, self-hypnosis or something like that. But the point is, is that, yeah, the rest comes from turning the brain off, you know, yes, it's okay to stop thinking for a while and start, you know, just thinking about other things or not thinking at all, Right, you know? Yeah.

Becca Lory Hector 

It's tough, right?  It's, you know, resting the mind, I think, is harder than resting the body, sometimes. Yes, and you know, but we have to learn how to do that for ourselves, and we need to understand that we actually, you know, we have some control over our thoughts and the way they're happening and when they happen, and to sort of take back that control and decide when certain things are allowed in your life and when they're not.

Philip King-Lowe 

I mentioned earlier about mindful meditation. In my particular circle of religious folks, we call it centering prayer. But the thing is, is we really don't realize how much stuff we allow to clutter our interior selves. We just don't, you know, we don't realize how much is taking us over. But the mindful meditation, centering prayer. There's actually, there are practices in in like the Buddhist religions, about that kind of thing. And the idea is to sit quietly and just focus on the breathing for a while. And as I say, as the thoughts come, you don't hang on to them. You just let them go. You just let them go by you for a while. And when you start doing that sort of thing, it can be a challenge, because you that's when you start to realize, my goodness, I have been so absorbed with so much stuff. It's literally cluttered your brain. It's cluttered you. And part of doing that centering prayer or that mindful meditation is just clearing some of that out by just it comes, and you let it go. It comes and you let it go. If you feel like you need to stop and think about it, you say, no, just let it go. Just let it go by you just, oh, you know, no, I'm just letting that go by me for now. Again, it's not something that may work for everybody, but it can be very helpful because of the fact that, like I say, we hang on to things that in the end, they really don't matter. You know? I mean, they do. I mean, I'm not going to say that. Of course they do. But there's also that mindfulness of just being mindful of your relationship with yourself. And sometimes all of these things that we allow to clutter our brain clutter us. It takes us away from knowing and relating to ourselves, if you will. So, some of that is just letting it go, you know. So, you can comment on that if you wish.

Becca Lory Hector 

No, it is about letting it go, right? Um, it's sometimes really hard to do that. I think our brains like to loop, especially if something is really triggering to us. For me, it's that when something hits my unfairness button or my injustice button, right? That I get into loops about it, and it doesn't change the injustice for me to do that. No, it just uses up my energy, my brain energy, and it keeps me in a really negative place thinking about something that I just can't make sense of. And so, it's okay to allow yourself to think about those things and process those things but can't live there. We have to kind of do break the loop. So, very intentional,

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. And I mean, sometimes we also have to discern, I mean, some of these things, we're reacting to them and totally, you know, give yourself room for that too. But you know, sometimes you also have to turn something that you're thinking into something you can be proactive about. Proactive with yourself, or proactive with the issue. And that's one of those things we can always do. I mean, that's what Today's Autistic Moment it's about. Is about, you know, becoming proactive and changing how we think, and finding community and that kind of thing. Hearing other Autistics like you and me and Devin, Scott Frasard, and Carole Jean Whittington and folks like them, such as them. I mean, you know, we hear about, you know, people like us and we can, you know, feel connected, but as we've been saying, sometimes being proactive at all just isn't productive for us because we are overwhelmed. And so, you know, you know, sometimes we need burnout strategists like Carole Jean Whittington, that's what she what she works at all the time.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yes, and she does such a good job. If you don't know who she is, go Google her.

Philip King-Lowe 

Go Google her. Absolutely. yeah, she is phenomenal with what she does, and, you know, and others too, but yeah, I mean, sometimes we just need those people, and that can also be part of our risk finding. People who can Yes, community, right, community that can give us some of that energy back, right? You know there's, there's that part about if you're always, if you're always emptying your tanks. Again, borrowing from Carole. But you know, if you're always distributing the energy in your tank, eventually that tank goes empty, and we need the community of other Autistics, other disabled people. We need, you know, we need that stuff to feed some of that energy back to us, and that's part of community. We kind of re-energize each other.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yes, 100%.

After this final commercial break, Becca will talk about a book she wrote, followed by Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board.

Commercial Break III

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Future Shows

Dr. Devon Price will join me on July 21st for Self-Care: Surviving Disheartening Rhetoric.  Disheartening rhetoric often targets Autistic Adults and our intersectional communities especially during election years.  Dr. Devon Price will join me to talk about how disheartening rhetoric harms us and what we can do to take care of ourselves in these trying times. 

On August 4th, Michelle Markman will join me for the episode Self-Care: I Was Misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  On August 18th, Angela (AJ) Locashio for Self-Care: Sexual Abuse Prevention.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

Segment 4

Commercial Break III

Philip King-Lowe 

Well, Becca, before we conclude this marvelous talk, you've written a book, so tell us, tell us about your book, and tell us about how that project came about, maybe, and tell us what's happening with that book.

Becca Lory Hector 

Sure. Well, it's been a long time coming, and I really held off writing a book for a long time, because writing is my passion. It is what's closest to my heart. It's the way that I communicate my best, and it's my preference of communication. And I was, you know, holding off, I think, for a long time talking about some of the things in this book, because I was still kind of learning about them myself, and I was still kind of processing through some of the things in here. But my book is called, Always Bring Your Sunglasses and Other Stories of Sensory and Social Invalidation. And it's about my life, growing up without an Autism diagnosis, but very much being Autistic at the same time. And what that was like for me growing up, and how I kind of what it looks like in my rear-view mirror now, right? Like and it's a very short book, intentionally short for our folks who are busy people, parents and things like that, professionals, but also short for our folks who can't focus for long periods and things like that. And intentionally. So, I don't want it to be out of reach for people. I want it to be an easy, comfortable read for folks, so that they can absorb the information.

Philip King-Lowe 

Well, well, tell us maybe a little bit about you know, one of the stories you might have in there.

Becca Lory Hector 

Sure. My favorite story, I think, or my favorite bit of the book, is my chapter seven, which is called Chicken Nuggets and Fries. And the whole chapter is about understanding safe foods. And that idea of safe foods is regulation, and I love it because I worked really, really hard to in the opening of that chapter, to do my best to honor McDonald's and their chicken nuggets and their fries, and what it feels like for me as an Autistic person, which they are my one of my safe foods, and what it feels like for me as an Autistic person to be able to rely on a safe food that way, and what it means for me. And so, McDonald's, if you're listening, I'm here, and I'm a champion. You can send me coupons. I'm always there. And, you know, I hope other Autistics will feel some, you know, will resonate with that feeling and sort of that freedom to kind of accept that we do have safe foods and be okay with that well into our adulthood.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Well, Becca, Lory, Hector, thank you so much for joining me for this and this conversation. And the summertime is here, and for some of us, this is the worst time of the year. For some of us, it's the best, but it's important to get your rest this time of year when, however that rest occurs. So, I think this is a great conversation to have to begin the Summer of Self-Care Series. And I've got shows coming up, like I said, the one with Devon Price about Surviving Disheartening Rhetoric, and I've got some coming on in August to talk about Self-Care having been misdiagnosed with a bipolar and also self-care, as in preventing sexual abuse. So, we've got lots of things coming up that are really going to, really going to meet us, meet us where we are. I myself am going to do a show in September about grief care, because it's something that I has been close to my heart for many years. But, yeah, I mean, there's lots of good stuff coming up, and this is just the beginning of our summer. So, thank you so much for being here, and thank you so much for the work that you do.

Becca Lory Hector 

It's my absolute pleasure. I'm always happy to come back.

Philip King-Lowe 

Thank you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board

All of these events and many others with their links can be found at todaysautisticmoment.com/bulletinboard.

Understanding Autism virtual classes will be offered by The Autism Society of Minnesota. These classes are perfect for Autistic individuals, caregivers, those who want to understand the basics of Autism and support Autistic people. Classes will be on July 15th at 10am. August 12th at 6pm. September 9th at 2pm. November 11th at 10am. December 9th at 6pm. Classes are free of charge, but you must register to attend.

Applications are now being accepted by The Autism Society of Minnesota to be a speaker at the Autistic Community Summit this upcoming Fall. Speakers are needed for topics such as how Autistics can be of service in community. Finding affirming providers. The Experiences of multiply Neurodivergent people.  Autistic led initiatives. Masking.  Navigating services and government programs. Employment. Intersectionality. Managing emotions, especially anger. The spoon theory. Applications are due by August 2nd. Go to ausm.org. Click on the menu option Events, then Autistic Community Summit for more information and apply.  If you have any questions, send an email to zjames@ausm.org.

Go to ausm.org to get more information about these and other Summer Social and Recreational Programs, educational events, counseling services and support groups at The Autism Society of Minnesota.

MNeurodivergent is a social club rooted in a vision of bringing Neurodivergent Minnesotans together to build meaningful connections.  Its core principle is to foster an environment where all are treated with dignity and respect regardless of ability or preferences. Go to the bulletin board at todaysautisticmoment.com and click on the Meet Up link to become a member and attend their events.

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If you would like to sponsor an ad and/or have questions about Today’s Autistic Moment, please send an email to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.

May you have an Autistically Amazing day.