Self-Care During Autism Acceptance Month

Segment 1

 

Transcript

 

Self-Care During Autism Acceptance Month

 

April 2^nd, 2023

 

 

Welcome everyone to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by an Autistic Adult.  My name is Philip King-Lowe. I am the owner, producer, and host; and I am an Autistic Adult. Thank you so much for listening.

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is a member of The National Podcast Association and The Autistic Podcasters Network.

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is a free podcast that gives Autistic Adults access to important information, helps us learn about our barriers to discover the strengths and tools we already have to use for the work of self-advocacy. 

 

This first segment of Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored by The Autism Society of Minnesota: Minnesota’s First Autism Resource.  For over 50 years The Autism Society of Minnesota has been honored to support Minnesota’s Autism Community. Visit them online at ausm.org.

 

Thank you for joining me on this Autism Acceptance Day and this episode: Self-Care During Autism Acceptance Month. My guests are Becca Lory Hector and Doug Blecher.

 

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You are invited to apply to be a panelist on Autistic Voices Roundtable Discussions: How Autistics Define Success on Wednesday, May 24^th at 2:00pm Central Standard Time.  I am seeking four to six panelists who are Autistic.  Success is defined by a culture of ableism, sexism, racism, and the neurotypical majority.  Success is measured and determined by capitalism in how much money one earns and/or by the property we own.  As Autistics, each one of us decides what success means through our Autistic identity and talents.  Success for Autistics can include how we handled a moment when our sensory processing was disturbed, and what we did to better regulate ourselves.  Success for Autistics can be completing a project that is part of our special interests.  The panelists will come together and talk about how they define success for themselves.  If you want to be a panelist on May 24^th, go to todaysautisticmoment.com/autistic-voices and scroll to the bottom and click to fill out the application.  Applications must be completed and submitted by April 28^th.

 

Back in September of 2018, I was in the classes for the certification for direct care support for people with ASD at The Autism Society of Minnesota.  While I was taking those classes, I learned the words Autism Awareness.  The more I learned about Autism and Autistic people, the more I wanted to share what I was discovering with my friends on Facebook.  Each time I shared a post about something I was learning, I called it Today’s Autism Awareness Moment.  Two years later, when I was trying to decide what the title of my podcast should be, I took those words and rearranged them to call it Today’s Autistic Moment. After calling it Autism Awareness Month, The Autism Society of Minnesota started calling it Autism Acceptance Month.  In April 2021, Ellie Wilson, the Executive Director at The Autism Society of Minnesota joined me to talk about why we moved from Autism Awareness to Autism Acceptance. 

 

Since then, I have observed many of the posts from Autistic Adults on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.  Whether an Autistic calls April Autism Awareness, or Autism Acceptance Month, depends on where they are from, what stage they are in after having been identified, and the trauma they have experienced because they are Autistic. 

 

Last year, the most common threads that I observed on social media by Autistics were about how much Autism Awareness and Autism Acceptance Month is not so much about Autistics as it is for Allistic people (that is non-Autistics) to become aware and/or accepting of Autistic people, and not really about or for Autistics.  Many Autistics feel that the month of April has become a month of debates and arguments about Autism and therefore limiting Autistics to the pathology of a social construct that is a disorder. Many Autistics feel that April has become a month to patronize Autistic people. It is the position of many Autistics that April has become a month of surface inclusion without any real substantive change that benefits Autistics.

 

My guests Becca Lory Hector and Doug Blecher are here with me to talk about what a great idea Autism Month is, and why so many of us need some advice about self-care during April. Becca and Doug are the hosts of The Info Dump Files podcast where their guests talk about the special interests of Autistic people.

 

Please stay tuned after this first commercial break to join Becca, Doug and me for our Autism Acceptance Day conversation about self-care.

 

Commercial Break I

 

 

 

 

 

 

Segment 2

 

Welcome back. Please join me in welcoming Becca Lory Hector and Doug Blecher.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Becca, and Doug, thank you so much for being on this episode of Today's Autistic Moment. It is my privilege to welcome you both here.

 

Becca Lory Hector 

So excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

 

Doug Blecher 

Thank you, Philip.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

You're welcome. Well, it is Autism Acceptance Day. You know, Autism Acceptance Month can be a great month for many. And it can also be the worst possible month of the year for many Autistics. And so, I want us to talk about, begin by talking about what's so great about it. And what's the problem with it? And then we can also talk about what we've come into this does self-care during Autism Acceptance Month. So as part of my question of what important information to Autistic Adults and our caregivers need to know about when we stress the idea of Self-Care During Autism Acceptance Month? Like I said, let's start with what's good about it, and why it's so problematic for many of us, so start with that.

 

Becca Lory Hector

All right. Well, I think what's good about it is the concept behind it. I think the idea behind Autism month is that we should be celebrating the differences that come with being Autistic, right? But what challenges is that is that it was co-opted, right, it was sort of co-opted and absolutely capitalized, right? Turned into a t shirt selling fundraising, you know, performative ally ship type month, and that makes it really painful. For those of us who are autistic 12 months out of the year, not just one makes it uncomfortable, right?

 

 

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.

 

Doug Blecher 

Yeah. You know, just to kind of what, in regards to what Becca was saying, like the idea, it's like, the concepts sounds nice, like, but in reality, the, you know, like, the idea of equity and those types of things. But is this month really bringing us any closer to that equity by having an Autism Acceptance Month, I think is the question that we should be talking about more and more.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah.

 

Becca Lory Hector

The thing about it, it's what I think is so interesting is that it was I feel like it was created in line with kind of Pride Month. Right, and, and alignment with that concept. And now I feel like that's not what it means anymore. And so, the only day that I feel truly means that is Autistic Pride day in June, which is crazy, right? That's a crazy, like thinking for us. And but that's the truth. I'd rather celebrate that one day than 30 days in April. That's not real.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I've often thought about that, you know, being gay myself, and how many I celebrate Pride Month myself, but I have to say, you know, it's that one time of the year that Target pulls out its pride merchandise, and they pull out all their stuff to make it Oh, with anything, and that's also what's happened with Autism Acceptance Month. You know, all of a sudden, we've got restaurants who are holding fundraisers for some Autism organization. We have we have, you know, lots of stuff happening. The Autism Society Minnesota does have a great way of celebrating Autism Acceptance Month with their yearly Minnesota Autism Conference by which it brings both allies and Autistics together, and we celebrate our diversity among us. That's the sort of thing that we should be doing. But we also know that it becomes the month where we're celebrating red versus blue. We're celebrating, you know, Autism Awareness versus Autism Acceptance. And, you know, I have to tell you, Doug, last year, when you said, Autism Acceptance Month can be hell for a lot. I was like, really? Yeah, are you sure? And then last April, we were on April 5th, and I realized how much advocating and arguing as soon as we got to the end, that's what that's yes. That's one of the reasons.

 

Doug Blecher 

Yeah. Feels fake to me. Like when I just when I hear Autism Acceptance, like, immediately, that's the energy that comes to my mind is that this is not a real thing to this is based on neurotypical standards of like, all these kind of like fake months that we have, like, Black History Month, and you know, like things like, Yeah, well, just kind of like do a month thing. Like, there you go.

 

Becca Lory Hector 

Yeah, but go right. Yeah, we acknowledge you now. Yeah. Even work like we are. First of all, I have to say, I love that we're, we're being light-hearted about this, because there was a long time in our community where this would have been a very visceral angry conversation, right? And so proud of us, for me for setting the example that we don't have to take it that seriously that there are parts of it that are just so silly, that we have to look at it right? My most Autistic feeling about this day is the word choice issue that we have, right? So, we went from Autism Awareness to Autism Acceptance, and what do we call it? And so, I started calling it Autism Month, because I don't want to give it another word. Right? Like, just deal with it. Right? Because the word acceptance makes me nauseous. That makes me feel like I guess that fakery the word acceptance, to me means well, I guess they're not going anywhere. So, they're here to stay. We better accept it. Right like that. And it has none of the passion behind what people think the month is supposed to be about, which I feel like then makes us look like we're negative nancies about everything. Right? And we're not what we're saying is like, do you know that it was created for a purpose, and we need to honor that purpose. You know, we have to figure our way back to that now. Undo a lot.

 

 

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, I mean, I mean, a couple of years ago, I had Ellie Wilson. She's the Executive Director of the Autism Society in Minnesota, who explained why we moved from awareness to acceptance. And her explanation was, that there are there are Autistic Adults, who are very triggered by even the word awareness. Because that word awareness implies, we can be aware of you, but we don't have to accept you. You know, and it's like, awareness was like you're at the doorstep, acceptance means you're welcome into the home. Right. So that's, that's one view, one view of Autism Acceptance.

 

Becca Lory Hector

I think it was a growth step, but I don't think it's a stopping point. Right? Yeah. So, like the word, it's like, great. Now you've accepted me, but do you like me?

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Do you want Yes, do right, like, more? Right. And then there's one other opinion out there actually, this one was given by Lyric Holmans, the Neurodivergent Rebel, who posted that Autism Acceptance implies that there's still something that is unacceptable. You know, so it's one of those things where we cross, we've, we've crossed a threshold, let's say, but we're still only in the front room, if you want to say, yeah, it's whether or not you go into the next room. And, you know, we love you because you here. I mean, I think it's a perfect example of surface inclusion. Mm hmm. Well welcomed on the surface. But are we actually

 

Becca Lory Hector 

Right like are our foods in your kitchen refrigerator? That's where I want to be. That's where we should be headed, right? I don't want to just sit in your living room in some proper fancy clothes. I want to know that if I need a snack, the stuff that I love is in the fridge with your stuff. That's what I want. Right? Right. And that's, and I feel like we're, we're headed there. And I think, you know, maybe if we think about something like Autistic Culture Month, instead of, like, a song of it, right? Like it needs something formal about it in order for us to reclaim it. And part of it.

 

Doug Blecher 

Using the house analogy, like, Okay, you accept me, so you're allowing me into your house, but do I feel safe being in your house? Right.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, yes. Yeah. You know, and let's, let's help by saying, what do you think would help Autistics feel safe in that space? Because Becca, and my other guests on my 50th show, and I want to thank you for saying this, because it meant the world to me, talking about Today's Autistic Moment being a safe space for people to talk there. So, this is your safe space. What would a safe space look like during Autism month? Whether we call it Autism Awareness or Acceptance? What would a safe space look like? For many of us? If Autism Acceptance Month, sorry, we're to be truly a month about us?

 

Becca Lory Hector

I think people are, I think what it would be about is, like, really representing the reality of what it is to be Autistic really celebrating art, I'm when I say celebrating our differences, it's like not the right word. There's not a right word for it. But that's why I choose the word culture, like celebrating all the things about us, that make us Autistic. Right? And, you know, for a long time, we were talked about through our deficits through all the things that were wrong with us, and all the things that were broken, and all of that, right. And what we need is, you know, a month full of like, We're sorry, we did that. And here's some joy around the things that, you know, that we now have grown and learned to know or are not so odd, right? And things like that, like, it's about rebuilding the trust that was broken, right with our community. Because, you know, that's really what it comes down to. We definitely have the ability to and the numbers to isolate ourselves as a group, and stay within ourselves and not share ourselves with the rest of the world. But if we want to do that we need if we want, you know, to feel like we can do that at least and it's safe to do that we need April to be a month where, you know, we are celebrated for all of the things related to autism.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. Good ahead Doug.

 

Doug Blecher 

Yeah, I mean, I just think some basic things like listening to us as Autistics and actually asking us questions, like, sometimes it's just the most simple things that can go a long way to, you know, building trust and connection. And I think, so often those things do not occur. And I also think, like, you know, just thinking about all of us as an Autistic community, so not just thinking about whites, the straight males. You know, I think, often, I think so often, you know, like, communication equity is not stressed enough. There's not enough highlighting nonspeakers during, well, any month. Certainly never. Yeah, ever. Yes. Ever, but I mean, you know, especially like, you know, it's not, you know, in April as well, like, if we're truly accepting, then like, where, you know, where is that in April?

 

Becca Lory Hector

Like where that's, that's what I'm like, where's the lifting up of this stuff? Right? That's what I feel like April's purpose is, like you think about it, the promotional piece of April, right, is that the whole world is looking at our community. Right? Oh, we're all just for a moment. Right? They're all focused on us. And what do we do with that attention? And what has been done with that attention so far, has not been anything to move Autistic people forward. Right? What's been done with it? So far? It's been a lot of internal facing things where organizations that are part of the Autism community already turn around and right? We're not seeing it get out of our little sphere, right? And what it should be doing is saying this is our month to celebrate all of those things to educate as much as we can. Um, to, you know, make our voices, you know, as loud as we can, right? Like our voices like that, right? Whatever context we use, we use it in. And for some people, that's just where they go to work every day, and they just do something different about how they communicate, it's different for everybody. But that I feel like is what's missing, like, get to know us that get to know us these that, who we are why we're also, you know, adamant about carrying our Autistic identity, all of that stuff, like, come find out, come ask us come and be a part of our community. And it's upon us kind of to also be welcoming to that right to utilize the month to do that. So, it's like, but we've lost control of it. And that's the piece.

 

Doug Blecher 

And in, and we always have to acknowledge the capitalist aspect of this month, how all you know, the fundraising is done for all these organizations, but at the same, at the same time, we know the employment statistics, right? And where is the money being fundraised for Autistic people themselves during this month, that we're actually seeing like money going into our communities’ pocket?

 

Becca Lory Hector 

Like, don't go designing your T shirt for April, right? There are Autistic artists out there that you can hire to design your T shirt? Right? There are ways in which our community can be involved in this corporate piece, if you let us but when you don't, you continue to produce materials. But that puzzle pieces is what happens, right? And so, it's like, that's the space that we're in. And we have to decide, I think, as a community, are we relinquishing ownership? And letting them know, letting the rest of the world take ownership of you know, of April? And, you know, we just all distanced ourselves and don't participate? Or do we reclaim it? Do we own it? Do we demand that it be something different? You know, keep pushing until we get that. No, that's I think that's where we sit as a community.

 

Philip King-Lowe

Yeah.

 

After this next commercial break, Becca and Doug will talk about how Autism organizations focus on the deficits of Autistic people during April and why Autistics need solid boundaries for us with all the negativity on social media.  Please stay tuned.

 

Commercial Break II 

 

 

 

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Segment 3

 

Philip King-Lowe 

One of the things that I can't help but think about, as we move into barriers, and I'm not even going to ask the question, because we're already there. But you know, the point is, is that during the month of April, I sense a fair amount of Autism organizations. And let's, let's be kind and saying they're well intentioned. But, you know, but the thing is, is that there's this I call it artificial empathy, these poor people with all these problems that they have, okay? I mean, I mean, you hear about the sensory needs, you hear about this? And you hear about that? It's like, it's a little bit Oh, those poor things, you know, that sort of thing. It's, it's an attitude that's in the air. And that, that is ableism at its finest, I'll say. Absolutely. Because they're trying to say that these people cannot, cannot live a fulfilling life, because of how Autism affects our daily life. And part of the barrier, the huge barrier, is it continues to suppress us under those deficits. Correct. So go ahead and expound on that or add to it, whatever you wish.

 

 

 

Becca Lory Hector

Yeah, I mean, I think this is I mean, this is really what we're talking about, right? It's that when we don't own this month for ourselves, we get portrayed by other people, right, by whatever they think is going to make them the most money. Right. And so sadly, usually, it's our deficits that make them the most money, right? I mean, oh, yeah. It's like, you know, it rides on the line of taking advantage, right? It really does. And so, we have to really think about, you know, I think about it often if, and I love that you asked this question, because I still can't answer it. And I almost couldn't today, but like, if I could recreate, you know, April, if I could, you know, reinvent it to be what I think it would be what would it look like, right? And it's hard because to run something like that to run any kind of celebratory event would have some kind of cost to them. And so there would have to be a certain amount of fundraising. I get that. But I guess what I worry about is like, I want to call it like unauthorized fundraising like yeah, oh, yeah. Like run, t shirt companies all year long. And then every month, whatever the month is, they make a special t-shirt, and they have no involvement in the community at all. Right? And they're literally just making money off of our community for those 30 days. Right? How, like, how do we change those standards? Because that's, it's in those standards that people are producing these material, like, keep those in our deficits, please. Yeah. Yeah. How do we rise above and create that celebratory piece?

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. I'm gonna add to we're here talking about self-care. But one of those great barriers is all of this brings a lot of us added depression upon the depression we already live with. It brings on the anxiety. But you know, I mean, while we're trying to talk about Autism Acceptance, let's say there's people throwing out the puzzle pieces. You know, and why don't we? Why don't we for the sake of caregivers who may be hearing us? Let's tell them why the puzzle piece is a problem. Okay. I think it would be wise for them to hear that.

 

Becca Lory Hector

I mean, I think we can, we should always continue to educate, right? Because for me, it's twofold. Right? There's one piece of it that is that it has, for a very long time, been the logo to an Autism organization that I cannot support. But it does look to co-opt our community in ways that are unfair. And it's certainly portrayed our community in ways that are unfair. The other piece of it is sort of that, you know, is it the right object to convey the meaning that is wanting to be conveyed, right? And I get that for me, and I've certainly used this, this example, very early in my diagnosis place, where it did feel like finding out about my Autism was the piece that was missing, for me to understand myself to live my life. And so, I get that. But what it does is it flips on itself, and I feel like it becomes more like we're somehow missing a piece, right? Instead of that Autism helps us to be better. It's that somehow, we're broken, and we're missing a piece is the way that it comes across. And so, I have issues with both standpoints on it. And so really, for our community, in terms of owning our identity, it meant getting rid of that puzzle piece.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, um, go ahead.

 

Doug Blecher 

The interesting thing is like, yeah, they there, there was like a visual attached to us. But then, but then Autism doesn't have any particular look. Right. So. So I've always found trying to attach a visual to something that is invisible in so many different ways. You know, even for those that, you know, that have really high support needs, I think, like, there's such an invisible component for so many, so many of those people. So, I just find it interesting that there's a need to attach a visual to our community.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, and then the more they add these, these visuals, basically, what it does, for many, like, adds to, you know, they're finding something else about us. That's not “right.” You know, once again, it emphasizes our deficits and gives fuel to those horrible functioning labels that serves nobody. You know, um, you know, it, the, the problems become that. I want to say that, as Autistic people, we feel the weight of all that on top of when we're in that month, I feel like there's this weight that that comes down on all of us, it's about 300 pounds from the head to the toe, you know, and about a year ago, one of my great friends was on was on Facebook. And she said, "It's only April 5, and already I'm tired of having to defend or explain myself." Because that's actually what winds up happening during Autism Acceptance Month. We're sorry, I'm going to use the word Becca. But, I mean, that's one of the things that happens. We get this weighed upon us by more of being ignored when we say these are the these are the reasons why we're considered unemployable. We say, We're employable, because we can we have the skills to do a particular job. And along comes somebody who said, Oh, but you can't do, or you don't do. And I mean, it just becomes the argument. It's it. I think what we should start doing for the benefit of getting some of our message and say, No, this is not Autism Acceptance or Awareness, this is Autism debate month, okay?

 

Becca Lory Hector 

It does, it becomes that on so many levels, right? Even within the community, ourselves, we get into debates over things like you know, and it's it get it has become like this visceral angry place. And that's not someplace I want to hang out. And I think that's why on April 5, we all feel like I'm tired. I'm tired because it's all angry energy. It's all defensive. Right? It's like really painful energy. And among where, right, like, here's a month where we're supposed to be celebrating Autistic people. And yet, like in all other occasions, if not more, so in the month of April, the onus of education lies upon us, right? Instead of other people saying, oh, yeah, let's go learn something about Autism. We have to be out there shouting about what's right and wrong, and what's correct information and what's incorrect information. And that can be exhausting. Emotionally exhausting.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Your spoons are spent for the month before you even begin the first day. Go ahead Doug, what do you want to say?

 

Doug Blecher 

Yeah, I think, you know, the word energy is always really powerful for me. And I think during April, we have to be even more cognizant of our energy, like what is giving us. What gives us some positive energy? And what is kind of draining us? And I think this is such an emotionally draining month that I don't, I don't know how much in April, I'm going to be paying attention to social media just as a result of last years. Yeah. And, and really be thinking about, you know, like, the things that give me energy. You know, one of the things that I think that are not talked about enough that I don't know, at least for me, I think one of the things that gives me energy is talking to other Autistic people. You know, like, whenever I know, I'm going to be talking with Becca, that gives me energy, like, even when my spoons are low. I know, that's something that's going to lift me up. So, I just think us as a community doing a better job connecting with one another that, you know, that we can have these conversations with.

 

Becca Lory Hector 

Yeah, creating those safe spaces, right, recreate them for ourselves, because it's not psychological. That's it. It's a psychological safety issue. Right? It's not psychologically safe for us during that month. It's just not. And a lot of our safe spaces become unsafe for that month. Right? So right, like our groups and our Facebooks, and all of those things, right? They’re not safe. So where do we go to hide? Right? Now we're choosing to hide each of us alone in our spaces. And that's not gonna really work for us either. I don't think long term.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

No, no, no, no. No. Yeah, I hear you. And I feel that. I know I disagreed with you last year, Doug, but I have to tell you what, the more last April went for it. So, I think now I understand what he meant. Know, it's just one of those things that Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, now, let's move into my third question, what are some steps that Autistic Adults and our supporters can take to advocate for our needs? Now, let's move into the self-care part. Let's give people some really great tips. Let's talk about how we self-care because I feel like self-care becomes even more so important. But it also becomes one of our greatest challenges because of the energy. That negative, that angry energy that it feeds, you know, we want to be able to stop the conflict, but we can't because it's coming at us. Full speed ahead. As we say, let's talk about how we self-care.

 

 

 

 

Becca Lory Hector 

Yeah, I'm gonna start Doug with one of our favorite words, which is boundaries. We love the word boundaries. And that's because nobody stopped to teach them to us when we should have learned them. And so that's my number one advice for April. And that means kind of knowing yourself and knowing what you're capable of doing, right? So, if you're like, Doug, and being online is too much, then you've got to make the choice to not be on so much and to find other ways to connect, right? With folks, if, you know, I think, you know, finding a way to channel that energy, right? If you're not, if you're gonna, you don't want to get into those arguments. And you don't want to get into the negativity of all of it, finding other ways to do that. Or really, honestly, if not participating at all, works for you do it, right? You can set boundaries with people in your family, with your friend groups with whatever, I don't really want to talk about this this month. It's a tough month for me, right? Just like we would if, you know, we had someone who passed away a certain month, and when that time came around, it was a really hard time, right? So, time when you're gonna feel like your spoons are being pulled in directions you don't want them pulled in. And so, it's okay to set some extra boundaries around that and your conversations and your input around that. So that's my first piece of advice. I think. Doug, what do you got?

 

Doug Blecher 

Well, you know, just talking about boundaries, I always think that boundaries aren't for other people, they're for yourself. So, setting those, I think expectations for yourself that month, I think is really important. And I think one of the things that makes this month, so frustrating, and I think I am leading to the self-care part is that the Autistic experience for so many of us is, is our number one special interest. Learning, growing and, and understanding what our Autism means to us is so important is so impactful. And we want to make, we want to help, we want to help other Autistic people. So, when we're constantly seeing things that are in direct opposite of that those things are emotionally draining, they just drain our energy and things like that. So, I think it's really important to kind of like from an executive functioning perspective, prepare for the month and, and know that there are so many resources out there are some other Autistic people that you can be reading, you can be listening to all Philip's episode of this podcast. You can you can be reading, but the wonderful articles Becca has written like, you don't have to be paying attention to these fundraisers. You know, you don't have right.

 

Becca Lory Hector 

Repurpose of energy, right?

 

Doug Blecher

Yeah. You don't have to pay attention to, to non-autistic people that aren't listening to you. Right. Like, like, they're, you know, there are other things that you can do, like, you know, you know, I've been really processing Judy Heumann, you know, her, her, her passing the last couple of days and thinking about our advocate, you know, how we're moving forward with our advocacy and how, you know, you know, talking with other Autistic people in, in, you know, April about, you know, like, how do we move forward? So, I'm appreciative of, like, this time, with you, Philip, and Becca to talk about those things.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah.

 

Becca Lory Hector

I mean, I really think about, like, I think about, like, the coaching stuff that we talk about so much on our podcasts are great. And we talk about the self-care stuff in a more general way, not necessarily April specific. But those tools work for this stuff. It's the same tools that I talked about belt when I come in, we do stress on the holidays. Right? Because it's the same thing. It's like saying, there's too much of that out there for me, and it's going to, like derail me from my life. And so no more of that, right? But a lot of times that leaves you with empty space, and what do you do with it? Well, being really, really thoughtful, and mindful about what you replace it with that month is going to be super important. Whether your Doug goes, well, let me connect with other Autistic people that re-energizes me, right. So, we add space for more of that, right? For me, it's about empowering other Autistic people. So, if it's too much for me, it's too much visual impact out online. Right. I can connect with other people and teach them how to create support groups or how to start their own podcast, right or, you know, Doug, and I can have a meeting and come up with yet another idea for something else to do right that we can do for our community. But creating things that don't exist for our community is a really great way to repurpose your energy, right that you would normally be so annoyed at April for, right. And instead, if we turn around and take care of each other, what a great month it would end up being right, supporting each other. And I do one thing you said Doug, and reminded me of something else, that there's so many resources out there from other people, right? It's not your job, you guys to be the only Autistic out there defending all Autistics and our community. Right? Just because it's April, it's not your job. When you go to sleep, there are plenty of other Autistics who are awake and fighting the battles for us, right? So, it doesn't lie on your shoulders to fight every fight every time you see someone, not say Autistic, but a person with Autism. Right. And it's not you're on your job as an individual to correct all of the language mistakes you see in the month of April or to tell people the story behind why we don't want to wear blue, right? Educating people is an obligation. And when you do it, it's you're doing them a favor. You don't owe these people anything. So, knowing that it's not your sole responsibility to carry our community, if you pop in once you're in there. That's great. Right? If not know that. Others who are feeling stronger this year are out there doing the thing, right? And that's why so many more advocates we have the better off we are right? Because I'm like, I'm too tired. Doug, are you awake? Can you ask Philip? Can you write it's like that's why we need each other? Because we you know, alone? We can't do this at all.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I mean, one of the things that can be really helpful for self-care. And this is why I am extremely thankful for what the Autism Society Minnesota does. When we pull Autistics together in our spaces, and we talk among ourselves, we help each other. You know, in our in that conference that comes here, and it's for children, it's for adults, it's for and yes, the vendors come, we set up resource tables, because I will tell you, AuSM is a lot more careful about it. These are the organizations that are supporting Autistic people. Okay, they're very, very specific and careful. And that we get together, we see each other, we support each other, we listen to each other, we know what you're going through, when we say something like that. I mean, we have some really great keynotes, about, you know, autism and queerness, we have discussions about what the spoon theory really is, you know, that sort of thing, we have those discussions together. And part of the self-care is building on those friendships with Autistics with each other. How we really know because we're all experiencing the same thing. That's where we need to draw our energy from. I think one of the one that both have barriers and the answer the barrier is we're getting all of this negative energy, that all of this negative input throughout the month, the answer is to find those groups of people find those networks that feed us that that energize us to put that put that back, and I mean, your podcast, and mine, that's what this is about. These are your spaces, where you can talk about the things you want to talk about, you won't be shut down, you will be ignored, you won't be set aside, you won't be told, don't talk about that. Okay? These are the spaces where we talk about the things that that we care about together.

 

After this final commercial break, Becca and Doug will tell you about their podcast The Info Dump Files with some last pieces of advice for surviving Autism Acceptance Month, followed by Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board. Please stay tuned.

 

Commercial Break III

 

Future Shows

 

Today’s Autistic Moment continues Autism Acceptance Month.

 

David Gray-Hammond returns to Today’s Autistic Moment on April 16^th for The New Normal.  David has reworked and added to his essays from his popular Emergent Divergent blog and put them into an anthology he entitled, The New Normal: Autistic Musings on The Threat of a Broken Society.  David joins me to talk about his book and what he hopes to achieve for Autistics around the world.  David is a very eloquent speaker who is always very well thought out with the information he shares.

 

Join my guest Rose Carriero on May 7^th for Autistic Mothers Celebrate Mother’s Day Too.  Rose is an Autistic Mother in Canada who was diagnosed after her son.  Rose will talk about what communication, self-identification, as an Autistic with an Autistic son can be like. What happens when an Autistic Mother is experiencing sensory overload or meltdown, with a son who is having the same kind of day?  Rose will share what she has learned from her Autistic son, and what Mother’s Day means for her.

 

On May 21^st, Eric Garcia returns to Today’s Autistic Moment to talk about Unmasking Your Authentic Autistic Self.  Eric is the author of We’re Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation.  Eric will discuss the risks of unmasking for Autistics and why unmasking is so challenging.  Eric will also talk about what is happening with all the anti-trans bills being passed around the country and the consequences they are making for Autistics to unmask.

 

Dr. Devon Price will join me for our Pride Month special episode on June 4^th: What Successfully Autistic & Queer Really Means.

 

Go to todaysautisticmoment.com/fs to read about other upcoming shows.

 

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

 

 

Segment 4

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Doug, tell us a little bit about your podcast, what you do on there, what you and Becca do on there. And, you know, I'm happy to draw some attention your way if you draw some on mine, go ahead.

 

Doug Blecher

Becca always explains it better than me. But it is. Our podcast is The Info Dump Files, where we talk with other Autistic people just talk about the things that they love, because so often, as in April, you know, too often, we're talking about things that might be challenging for us. So, it's just kind of a space to have Autistic joy. So, we always ask people about their Autistic joy and, you know, learn about their special interest. And hopefully, it's a place that people feel comfortable info dumping. Because so often, we're told that's a terrible thing. You know?

 

Becca Lory Hector 

That's what we do we say, Come on, and info dump this is your safe space to do we want to hear because as Autistics, right, here's the piece that nobody talks about, when we like something, and we share a special interest, or we have that moment of understanding why someone has that special interest, right? And it's like, Oh, I get what is free, I get it. Right? Those moments have not been shown to other people, young like any Autistics out there, right? Don't know how great that is. And they don't get to experience that, and their parents don't know that that's happening. And we never get to just enjoy our joy. And so, it's a lot of that it's a lot of spreading, I think Autistic, authentic- ness as much as we can.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Oh, boy. Oh, thank you for that. Thank you. Thank you for the topic idea, Becca.

 

 

 

Doug Blecher 

And I think really, that's I think something that's missing so much in April is where's the Autistic joy? In this month?

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, no, I think I think you're onto something there Doug, Autism Acceptance Month, Autism Month, it's become, as you know, our problems. But there really isn't a whole lot of celebrating being Autistic in that month. Not from that definitely not from the neurotypical side of side of that.

 

Becca Lory Hector

And that's, I feel like there's a meme out there somewhere. Now, I can't remember who is in it might be of someone from the office, but it says, You are a thief of joy. And that is how I feel about Autism Month. I feel like non autistics are thieves of our joy in that month. And like, that's what's happening, right? We're getting like, our pockets picked. And they're thieving around. And it's like it has that feeling to it. And, you know, I don't know I miss the joy. I love it when we all get together. And you know, you're in a space that's full of Autistic people. And people think we don't talk, and they probably imagine that those rooms would be silent. But they're so far from silent. They're just a bunch of like, really excited conversations happening in the same room, you know?

 

Doug Blecher 

And I'm going to be stimming with joy after this, but in about 15 minutes, I'll be exhausted.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I hear you. Yeah, I like the words you're using.

 

 

Philip King-Lowe 

Becca, and Doug, I am so we're very grateful for you both being here today. And, you know, I hope that people who are listening to this conversation that you're taking some you're taking some good energy, even if we can't deliver you complete peace from this, but the point is, is that you know, you're getting some good energy and, you know, as I've said on some of my programs, we know life can really be hard and you know why? We're not here to emphasize what you can't do. We're here to encourage you with what you can. And you can take care of yourself during Autism Month in April, you can do things for yourself, it's okay to do things for yourself. And, and, you know, once again, if you don't take care of yourself, nobody's going to do it for you. So, you have to do some of your own care. And sometimes that includes things like shutting and locking the door. Sorry, do not disturb me. I always say if, if, if the hotels can do it, so can we.  Becca, and Doug, thank you so much for being here today. Um, do you have any last things you want to say to our audience about what we've discussed?

 

Becca Lory Hector 

I want, what I want to say is the cheesiest thing I can think of right now, which is take care of yourself and take care of each other, right? Because that's what that's the truth of this month, right? It's a tough one, it's not easy, it's not easy for any of us, no matter what part of the community we are, how involved we are anybody, it's always that little bit extra difficult. So do some extra joy, fill up your cup with positive before it can get filled up with negative, write all that kind of stuff. And then, you know, look for community look for, you know, the opposite of isolation and find those safe spaces to get through.

 

Philip King-Lowe 

But I wouldn't be a good businessman, if I didn't say if you want to channel some of that money. Please buy one of my lapel pins. Because buying those helps me keep Today's Autistic Moment on the air. And then you know, I'm going to have some other merchandise coming out soon as well. But one of the things I can't we can also say in case you feel the extra pressure to put your money towards something that really isn't serving your needs, put it towards something that does like, like my podcast and other folks that really are doing a lot of good. There's a lot of Autistic people out there that are part of organizations and companies that really are supportive of us. If you're concerned about where your money goes, that's where you put your money. You know if that's what you really want to do. So, yeah. All right, Becca and Doug, thank you for being here today.

 

Becca Lory Hector 

My pleasure. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

 

Philip King-Lowe

You're welcome.

 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

 

 Today’s Autistic Community Bulletins Board

All of these events with their links can be found on todaysautisticmoment.com/bulletinboar

 

Join The Autism Society of Minnesota for their Adult Coffee Club.  The Adult Coffee Club is a place where Autistic and Neurodiverse adults can connect with each other, foster friendships, and build community while enjoying a favorite beverage and/or snack.  You are welcome to bring items that make you feel comfortable, can stay as long as they like, stim and parallel play.  Participants are asked to purchase something from our venues.  The next Coffee Clubs will be on Tuesday nights from 5pm to 7pm at Dogwood Coffee in St. Paul on April 4^th, April 18^th, May 2^nd, and May 16^th.  Coffee Clubs will also be available at the Milkweed Café in Minneapolis on Monday April 10^th, and May 8^th from 5 to 7 pm.  Please RSVP at ausm.org.

 

Understanding Autism virtual classes will be offered by The Autism Society of Minnesota. These classes are perfect for Autistic individuals, caregivers, those who want to understand the basics of Autism and support Autistic people.  Classes will be held on April 17^th from 6-8pm.  May 15^th from 10am to 12 noon. Classes are free of charge, but you must register to attend.

 

On April 11^th, Eric Ringgenberg will present a virtual skillshop at The Autism Society of Minnesota entitled: Autism Acceptance: Being an Ally to the Autism Community.  Over the last several decades awareness of Autism has grown significantly. During this time our understanding of Autism and the way we conceptualize it has also changed.  In this session we will review topics that help you to better understand what Autism is and what it isn’t, and allow you to hear from Autistic individuals about what you can do to be an ally for the Autism Community.

 

Online registration is now available to attend the 28^th Annual Minnesota Autism Conference that will be held at the Marriott Minneapolis Airport Hotel, April 26-28^th.  You can register for the full conference that includes the Foundational Workshops and the virtual content together, or the Foundational Workshops only or the Virtual Content Only.  Go to ausm.org and click on the menu option Events to register.

 

Go to ausm.org for more information about these and other events at The Autism Society of Minnesota.

 

Matthew the #ActuallyAutistic Coach has room in his Finding Your Autistic Self Group Coaching Groups. In the groups, participants learn about unmasking strategies, coping tools, burnout & post-burnout support and much more. Go to autisticcoach.com and click on Autism Groups for more information.

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored in part by Looking Forward Life Coaching.  Looking Forward turns stumbling blocks into stepping stones towards success.  Go to lookingforwardlc.org for more information.

 

Today’s Autistic Moment is here because of the generosity of the sponsors and supporters.  Please join the supporters by clicking on Support Today’s Autistic Moment on todaysautisticmoment.com.  If you work for a company and/or organization that supports Autistic Adults and the movement for Neurodiversity, I would love to have you sponsor ads on the show.

 

If you would like to sponsor an ad or have questions about Today’s Autistic Moment, please send an email to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com.

 

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.

 

May you have an Autistically Amazing day.