Self-Care is Personal Autistic Leadership

Transcript

Self-Care is Personal Autistic Leadership

March 23rd, 2025

Episode Preview

So much of what is happening for Autistics and our Intersectional Communities is so overwhelming.  We are feeling the emotions of anger, sadness, fear and even panic.  Not only does it feel like the culture around us is out of control, but we also find it very difficult to stay in control of ourselves.  Becca Lory Hector is here with us today to help us identify what we don’t have control over, and what we do have control over.  Becca and I are going to talk about Self-Care is Personal Autistic Leadership on this episode of Today’s Autistic Moment.

Segment 1

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After this first commercial break Becca Lory Hector will join me to talk about Self-Care is Personal Autistic Leadership where we will discuss the importance of self-care amidst the current political and social climate

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Commercial Break I

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Segment 2

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Philip King-Lowe 

Becca, Lory, Hector, welcome back to Today's Autistic Moment. You have become my self-care specialist, so I'm grateful that you're here. And you know, I know this is going to be a good conversation.

Becca Lory Hector 

Me too. I love coming on here because I get to think about things in a different way than I ever do, and I love being your self-care specialist. Thanks for having me back.

Philip King-Lowe 

You're welcome. The focus of the podcast is Navigating the Future of Multidimensional Autistic Leadership. And one of the points that we have stressed, one of the multidimensions of being Autistic, is that we are personal and with everything that is happening in our both political and social climates right now, we want to emphasize that personal self-care is of the utmost importance, because we tend to become overwhelmed and our emotions are being charged anger about this. Really shocked and quiet about that. Everything, everybody's being inconvenienced by something. So, the point is, is that that self-care right now is of the utmost importance, and that self-care is, is personal leadership, personal Autistic leadership for Autistics?

Becca Lory Hector 

Absolutely.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. So, we want to lay some ground for that. I also like to just, you know, say to our Autistic audience, if self-care right now is the best thing you can do, you're still leading because you're doing what you're doing is you're saying, no, I am not going to follow this unjust rule. I am not going to participate in what's happening, I'm going to do my thing, and that is that really is leadership, because

Becca Lory Hector 

It’s leadership by example, exactly, yeah. And that's really it all begins there, actually, right? It all begins by putting into action the things that you believe and that you believe, you're trying to get other people to believe, right? It starts with that. And I love I saw you posting online too about self-care being really important at this time, and I really want to, I don't know how to enforce that even further. I just want to be like the thing about everything that's happening right now is 90% of it is out of our control, right? And that's infuriating, because we're doers, and that's upsetting, right? It also buzzes every piece of our justice, sensitivity buttons that could ever be pushed, right? It's like being triggered by everything right now, right? The world is like a poke stick right now with that stuff, right? And on top of it, of course, it's coming at us at mock 10, right? And so, it's a really, really rough time right now for your for mental health, but especially for Autistic mental health. And then we layer on top of it, how very personal, right? It all is right now for us in our community. So, all of our friends are impacted our set, we're all in, right? It's like, right at our doorstep, yeah, right. So, a lot is happening. And here's the truth about all of it, it is. It's a lot happening all at once, and that is the tactic. The tactic is to overwhelm, right? And if you're overwhelmed, you can't make good decisions, right? And that's how people take advantage, right? And so, the best way to fight back right now is to double down on your self-care and say, I will not be pulled off alignment. I will not be exhausted by you. I will not let you drain my energy, right? All of those things. And to double down, because this is a marathon, and we all want to be standing when they're tired, right? That's the game, right? So, I'm saying thank you for I'm just doubling down on it with you. It's really important right now.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, what we're doing right now is we're building the foundation for this conversation. You know? You know, yes, I've been posting a lot and in my introductory remarks. As part of each show, I am reminding us to do our self-care in some way, shape or form. You're right. There are a lot of disappointments going on. There's a lot of fear. There is a lot of you know, there are campaigns that are being waged right now to basically cause us to fight, to exist. And you know, misinformation again about Autism is now all over the place thanks to one person within the current administration that we I'm not going to name, because I can’t do that. But the point is, is that it's all coming at us. And you're right, 500 600 miles an hour. And the thing is, and I've said this on a few times before, when these things are happening, internalizing the ableism, internalizing those things is an unavoidable consequence, because of how it's on purpose. It's deliberate, you know? And the thing is, is that, as far as self-care is concerned, you need to be as deliberate as looking after yourself. And let's I want to put something on the line right up front here. Yeah, we know that the biggest issues for a lot of Autistics are what's going to happen to my supports? Right off the bat. And I'd like to tell you that those are going to be secure, but I can't say that, given what's happening. Absolutely. So, Becca, let's start talking about when you're really worried about your supports, and you may be losing some of those. How do you look after yourself when so much of what we need is hanging in the balance? Let's start with that one, because I know that's gotta be a question on someone in our audience. How do I do this?

Becca Lory Hector 

How do I because the real question underneath that question is, what do I do about all of these things that I can't control, right, but that have an impact directly on me, right? That's really that underlying question, right? And that's the hardest part. And so, when we peel it down that way, the way to keep yourself kind of in working shape, I want to say, during those processes, right? Is to remember that those processes are slow to happen, right? They are before everything gets enforced and all of those things, right? But the other thing is, you have to take breaks from kind of thinking about that stuff, right, in order to come back to it and be able to solve the problem. Well, right? So, we can't let it. We can't become obsessed with it, even though it has such a deep impact. The other response to it is to grab at all the things that you do have control over, and make sure you stay in control of those things and that all of those things are in order, because the only thing that could make what's out of your control being bad worse is the things that are in your control being bad too, right? And so we don't want to drop the ball on these basic self-care things like making sure we eat, making sure we sleep, making sure we're keeping up with hygiene, making sure we're spending time outside and taking care of our pets and doing all of those everyday things, which on days when things are really bad out in the world, it gets hard to go to not turn around and be like, why does that matter? Right? But it does matter in the long game. Yeah, right. It may not matter today, but it will matter in the long game. And so that's what I say to people, because you're right. There are a lot of parts of this that are not under your control, that you can do almost nothing about but sit and take whatever gets delivered down the pipe, right? And taking control of those pieces is important. And part of that control, part of the things you do have control over, is your reaction to it, which means you can begin by preparing, preparing your what ifs right? Giving yourself some backup plans. Should that come to be right? That's part of something that you have control over right now, right? That can ease what you don't have control over, yeah. And so, thinking about it like that.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, because what you're talking about is exactly why I wanted to do this focus this year, is that is how you become proactive, rather than just reactive, correct? Yeah. I mean, I mean, this is a skill that I've had to learn over the years. And I have to admit, when it was first presented to me, I was like, how do I do that? You know? But the thing is, is that being proactive means that just because I'm reactive doesn't mean I give up. In fact, by doing that pro action, which can mean what Becca just said about preparing for the reality of which means, if you think you're about to lose some of your supports, see if you can find somebody in your life that will give them to you temporarily until you can get to the bottom of whatever's happening to your supports that you're being denied

Becca Lory Hector 

Even smaller things, like, don't spend the extra money right now, right? There's so many little things that you do have control over in this moment that even though they seem silly, right? There's a thing that will make a difference down the line, and it is something you can control that feels better than just sitting and taking it, you know?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, it's important that you do some of your preparations, and that you take care of what you must in the meantime. You know, I repeat that. No, my husband, Jason and I have had to do something very painful, and that was to sit and revise our wills and our powers of attorney and our healthcare directives in case some crazy in the world decides to try, as become successful at overturning marriage equality, which Lord hold, Lord hope, Lord, Lord hopes that won't happen, right? But in the event, but in the event that it does happen, what we did, we became proactive by saying, okay, if this does happen, as horrible as it will be, I'm going to set something up to say that my husband, my life partner, still gets to be in charge of my health care. Okay, things like that are things you must do. Now, someone gave me a great tip a few years ago that I like to pass on. You know, if you're somebody who you know, you panic during times like this. One suggestion is to have a panic toolbox near you, by which you keep the items or things that you use when you're in a panic, and you keep those near you. And then when you're feeling a panic, you reach for something in that panic toolbox. But you know, those are kinds of things that you can do.

Becca Lory Hector 

You know, that's a great idea. I love it.

Philip King-Lowe 

Absolutely, yeah. That was given to me. In fact, I have a couple of little, little bead bracelets that, you know, I can put a little lavender on one of my bracelets. And so, if I'm feeling a little more depressed, that scent kind of calms my brain.

Becca Lory Hector 

These are great. I mean, these and I people, I know people are listening right now and rolling their eyes. I know they are because I used to be an eye roller about these things, because each thing by itself sounds so little like, how can that help this big, giant thing, if, but, but the little things add up, and those are the things that you have control over, and those are the things that fortify you so that you don't crumble when the things out there get bad. Yeah, that makes sense.

Philip King-Lowe 

And another point that I would make is, you know, your emotions are feeling crushed, and you have to deal with those in your way, yeah, you know. You know, AJ Locascio has a has a thing that we know when she's angry, she vacuums the rug, because for her, putting that muscle into that vacuum cleaner to back in that rug really helps get it out of their system, you know, yep, you know. Maybe yours is punching a pillow. Maybe yours has a particular fidget that you can squeeze really hard, and you can imagine yourself squeezing out, squeezing the life out of whoever is making you angry. Hey, but the but, you know, the thing is, you need to find your ways of working through that.

Becca Lory Hector 

You have to kind of move the energy through you like you can't. You can't. You don't want all that anger to sit around in you, because it just starts to make you feel ill, and it also takes some space from good emotions. So, you want to, like, get it gone. And the best way to get it gone for most of us is to get moving right? Or to do something with our bodies, create something, or go out in nature or do whatever the thing is, right? We all have our own things. Spend time with our special interest, right? Whatever it is, but, you know, do that so that you don't get stuck in there and in it, you know. And I love that. AJ, that's a great example from. AJ, like, totally, right. And it's so multitasking. She gets her long not only is she not being angry, but also the rug is getting clean at the same time. How lovely.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, no. I mean, that is a that is such a great way and, and, you know,

Becca Lory Hector 

I'm gonna try getting angry and cleaning the bathroom.  Laugh.

Coming up following this next commercial break, Becca and I will talk about self-care about the intersectional communities experiencing erasure of DEI programs and the importance of interdependence with all of them to advocate effectively.

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Segment 3

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Philip King-Lowe 

Before we launch into question number two, we know that some Autistics out there may not be aware of exactly what they're feeling. You know, of us are have alexithymia, which you know affects our ability to know what's going on there. Yes. So, you know, in some of the posts that I've made, you know, how do you know that the information you're reading is affecting you? One suggestion, these are suggestions only because interoception works differently with each of us. But if you start to notice that you're shaking, if you start to notice your chest is feeling tight and tighter and tighter. You're nervous, extra nervous. You're maybe your caregiver or whomever, is really becoming a little more difficult to communicate with, because when that stuff is getting into you. It makes it difficult for you to talk understand. It gets very difficult for you to think through things. Those are some indications that you're probably being overtaken by all this social media you're reading and all these new stuff you're hearing. It's time to turn it off. Do something else you like and wait until you're in a place where you can start to listen again. One example. One thing that suggestion I was given is that when you're feeling anxiety like that, that means there's one part of your brain that is basically blocking everything else behind it. So, one suggestion that was given to me is have an ice pack nearby.  When you're feeling like you can't think because, you know it's up. It's basically taking over your cortex here in the front that if you put a little, put an ice bag right, right there, it will actually basically shock it so that it will, it'll, it'll cool off. And then back to you can actually start thinking again. But what are some ideas that you have? Becca, when you know about how you know, like I said, there are some who just aren't, don't feel anything?

Becca Lory Hector 

And I think, well, that's kind of a misnomer, right? So, it’s not that folks don't feel anything, that they struggle to label their emotions. That's really what alexithymia is, right? It's this, this inability to give a name to how you're feeling, right? And that can be really frustrating, because what is the question everybody asks you all the time, how are you right? And here you are like, oh, I don't have a word for it, right? And I'm somebody who has struggled with alexithymia my whole life. And I wonder all the time about the interception piece. I wonder all the time about whether people mislabeled my emotions for me as a child, all kinds of other things, but I definitely struggle with it, and so I want people to understand a little piece a couple of different things I feel like are happening. First of all, if you have alexithymia, yeah, you can create your own name for how you're feeling and make it a code word for your partner and people you share with right? There are some ways that I feel that I'm sure if I did the extra research, I could do look for synonyms long enough that I could find the emotion that I'm looking for. But right there are little code words I can use with my husband and certain family members that express right kind of how I'm feeling. So, don't be afraid to give it your own name, right? You can describe it and then say, this is what we're going to call that and blah. There it is. Who cares what everyone else calls it, right? That's part of it. And then the other thing is, at times like this, we're not just feeling one emotion, so it's a complex thing happening. We are feeling many emotions at the same time, and so it's hard to give that a name, right? Because there's many things happening at once, right? We're feeling angry and disappointed and scared and frustrated and unempowered, right? And all of those emotions and tired and like, right? All of that is happening at the same time. And it's hard to explain that when you're feeling like that to other people, right? But also, it's our tendency to just pick the one that's happening the most. So, if we're the most tired, how are you feeling tired? But there's so many other things happening right underneath that, right? And so, to be understanding and kind to yourself at this time and know that your brain is being bombarded with multiple emotions right now, right? And we feel big. Autistics feel big, right? And so here we are. We're being bombarded by big emotions through a big brain, right? And all this is happening. And so that's it's I can't imagine feeling anything other than like you're drowning right now and exhausted, unless you have completely isolated yourself from what's going on out in the world.

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I like what you pointed out, this sort of thing is exhausting. Okay? So, let's if you need to take your nap, take your nap. Yeah, absolutely, take your nap, you know. And you know, there's some other things you can do too. Is I know that sometimes what you said about communicating what you're feeling. You know sometimes there will be something happening here in the home, so I learned to tell my husband sensory emergency. That's his word, his cue for getting up and taking care of it right away.

Becca Lory Hector 

Right.

Philip King-Lowe 

The other thing is that you, let's say you're not somebody who can talk, but you know, some, maybe some visual things that you can show somebody see. You know, red means I'm I have an emergency I need just taking care of right now. You know, pick something red, or pick something, whatever your color is, just let them know. This means I; I can't talk right now or something, you know? Yeah, it's you have to find what works for you. And you know, this is where, sometimes, if you are working with a psychotherapist who understands these things, and you happen to be able to have your, your caregiver or whomever with you. You can work with that therapist and yourself to pick out what works best for you.

Becca Lory Hector 

Right. I think there's a couple of other maybe little go to actions that I can think of which are kind of what I think are go tos for just whenever things are a struggle, right? And so, you want to think about, can you slow down some? Are there things that you cannot be doing that aren't as important, and things like that so light in your own load, right? You can control what you're taking in and the and how often and how fast and all of those things you're checking the news or looking for information you get to control those pieces and make decisions around that. And then also, you know, there, it sounds crazy but making sure that you're doing things that bring you joy during this process, there aren't a lot of things that can really and truly lift you up better than that, like giving into your special interest for a while or doing the other spending time with your pets. You know, anything that is going to support your well-being overall are the things you want to rely on right now.

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. You know, and we know that Autistics are engaging regarding self-care as your personal, you know, leadership and all that. I think this next question is a great one. You know, how can we create the environments to affect change around us with these things? And here, I do want to focus on the fact that what's happening right now is affecting a lot of our intersectional communities. Right now, people of color are being marginalized and targeted. People with disabilities and LGBTQ people. We are all feeling the frustrations right now over the DEI rollbacks, which have people very just what's going to happen to my supports, and especially in places where you need them. And as long as we're talking about that, we have some Autistics who the loss of DEI actually is affecting their work, because many of them, their self-employment revolves around DEI consulting. And people are not using them, then they got no one to consult. Yeah, you know, these things are real. And you know, you know, I mean, people with disabilities were recently accused of causing a plane crash and all those sorts it's unbelievable. Let me give you one piece of advice from, you know, being part of the LGBT community for most of my life, but we've kind of learned to laugh at that sort of thing, and say, Gee, I never knew I had that much power. Will someone tell me how to do it again? So, you know, that's one way you can take it. Just, just take and say, Gee, I didn't know I could do that. Let me know how I can do it again. Right? Go ahead.

Becca Lory Hector 

Yeah, I think it's a really, really hard time right now, because the language that's being used around all of this stuff, it's not just that we're kind of being disregarded, right? We're really being made invisible in our laws, right now, we're being made invisible, literally, like, on Google Calendar, right? And, like, I mean, its things are, were really right. And so, what I every trigger button that could be pushed for our communities, right, is being pushed. I'm sort of, I've been anticipating some of this stuff heading this way, right? Is that we can remember that what we're going to see right now is a really big split. I think we're going to see a group. We're going to see groups of people who were performative allies from the get go, and they are like, great, we can't we don't have to do this anymore, right? And they're just going to go along with what's going on. And I think there's another side to that, and it's an opportunity that I don't think people are seeing. And then there's an opportunity for those who really believe in what they're doing to dig in deeper right, and to push harder right? And to not be so easily pushed away, right? And that's the kind of response that I'm seeing from organizations that support these marginalized groups. And that's what I'm seeing, stronger community. I'm seeing, you know, bigger responses, right? And really look, you know, looking opportunities for partnerships across the board, things like that. So, there is opportunity here to take the energy of what's happening and redirect it, right? There is that opportunity. But depending on where you are in your life, there's only so much of a part you can play in that whole operation, right? Obviously, the people that have, and let's just say it, I'm going to say it. It's not even to me about the people that are in power. It's the people with money who have now put themselves in power. Absolutely. And it's a very small group of people, okay? And that means that a lot of us can do very little that's going to affect that, right? And so, we have to do all those tiny things. We have to, you know, we have to pick up places that we can do things. But it's really hard when you as an individual, right? Need to protect your meat suit, right? And at the same time as right, watching all of this stuff happening that is all about you, and yet, right, you're not included in it. And so, it's a tough space to be in. And so, what I say is look to your community, because you're not in that tough space alone.,

Philip King-Lowe 

No. No.

Becca Lory Hector 

My hope for us is that all of the different marginalized groups that are out there are part of, as we say, the DEI package, right? We just get together, because we're a lot of people. Yeah, we all know the experience of being marginalized.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, and this is one of those things that I've been watching on various social media myself. I've been watching the conversations where it's all going, and one of the things that I find very interesting is that each of the groups that are affected by DEI, LGBT in particular our transgender folks, people with disabilities, people of color, and one they are talking about how the DEI erasure is particularly affecting them. In fact, I saw one that remarked about how it's affecting, you know, a lot of LGBT people on their jobs and in their communities, and I said it is also affecting the disability communities, and it's like, they don't mention that part, okay?

Becca Lory Hector 

But we need to understand, right? And I think it's that experience may be easiest for the disability community, because the disability community has always touched on every other community ever, right? And so, we've always had to think inclusion. We've always had to think multiple perspectives. We've always had right? And we've understood that when we stood alone in our separate disabilities, we were less strong than when we came together as a community of disabled folks. And it's the same thing here. If we can all the marginalized groups, can begin to see that what's happening to them is happening to the other marginalized groups, and we can band together, right? That's a lot of people. Right. That's a lot of people. And that's where I would love to see energy put.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, me too.

Becca Lory Hector 

I would love to see that.

Philip King-Lowe 

You know. And the other thing too is like, for example, here's something that, you know, when I started going to support group meetings at the Autism Society Minnesota, I heard that was very interesting, and that's when it started to say, hmm, yeah. But anyway, point is, is that many of the Autistics in that group had, it was a group for LGBTQ Autistic people, and a lot of them were saying, you know, I've gone to LGBTQ lobby days, and I've been told that I'm disruptive or that I'm creating a problem. And so, there is a public policy advocate, Julian Nelson in particular, who is part of LGBTQ. They are part of the disability community, and they are part of the Autistic community. And so, Jillian is the public policy advocate who goes to the Minnesota capital about this time of year and spends her time advocating for everybody, basically, but mostly advocating for things like, basically people on medical assistance, no longer having to pay premiums, for example, you know? And the thing is, is that when she's out there doing this work, she's doing it for all of us in some way, shape or form. The point is, is to find, find your way and support your right the marginalized communities. That's going to mean first for many of us to get out of our comfort zones and learn about other marginalized communities. And by the way, that's why I have interviewed a couple of great people for Black History month, this month, this year, because I want everybody to hear about what black Autistics are experiencing through this. You know, and LGBT people, and there's going to be some other communities that are going to be part of our conversations this year. But you know, the thing is, we all need each other here, and we also know that we're not going to be able to speak to and with every community, because part of self-care is realizing you only have so much energy to spend with one or two. So true. So that's true. That's fine, but, you know, I've been saying this for a long time, actually, the Autistic community has the advantage here, I feel, because we have a lot of diversity in our community, and unlike many communities, we know it's there. And I've always been saying the Autistic community embraces diversity probably better than any other group of people I know anyway. But thing is, is that you know, we know that you know gender identity right now is something that's very much a part of the Autistic community, considering how many Autistics recognize themselves as non-binary. Correct. So, my point being is that this is how we can kind of interact and work with each other. But you know, part of being engaged here is exactly what Becca and I are talking about, but it's also about recognizing that intersectionality that already exists. And so, therefore, I'm going to say that this way, using that intersectionality is one of our strengths and advantages. Yes. Yeah, because we have that, I'm going to say a gift there. And one of the things that I have found very helpful for myself is, you know, a lot of those things that people say that are problematic for us, we use them as strengths to say, oh, we can do more. We can do a lot with that that we probably, you probably don't know. You know, it's through special interests that gets people like Becca to write a book, or Scott Frasard, to write a book. Carole Jean-Whittington is writing her books and her shows and everything like that. Now, we have always been told that we have a special creative side to our brain that we use. Well, that's why many of us are using the brain to do right and, you know, yep.

Becca Lory Hector 

And now ours are, are really, I mean, there's a lot of really awful things happening right now. So, if you can combat that with good right now, by creating things, by being who you are, right, by embracing other people who are in this struggle right now, right? All of those things, right? That's where it's at, you know?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, and what we're talking about here leads into my third part. We're talking about interdependence here, you know? Okay, so how is self-care, which is personal, Autistic leadership, also interdependence? Because we know that if we do not look after ourselves, our ability to, I don't know, communicate, I hope that's not a bad word. Our ability to participate with the Autistic community and advocating is a bit limited.

Becca Lory Hector 

It makes me want to say that very silly old adage, you can't pour from an empty cup, right? That's what it makes me want, which I hate, that it's so true because I've heard it's, you know, so many people say it disingenuously, but it really is the truth, right? If you really want to advocate for our community, understand this is a longer fight than this month or this day, right, or this moment, and so the best thing that you can do is take care of yourself so that you're well enough to take care of others, right, right? That's interdependence.

Philip King-Lowe 

Um, yeah, and all this leads into the other ways that we are multi-dimensional. We are engaging. We're all talking about that, but we're also, you know, we're neurological, we're physical, we're cultural. You know, we are relational and all that, and a lot of our multidimensions are bound up in this personal aspect of who we are, which is our self-care. And you know, you know, these times are bringing again some of those arguments back about Autism is it caused by, you know, it's caused by vaccines. And do yourself a favor if you're hearing some of this stuff and you know you're starting to question it, don't or do some research and read the truth about these things. I actually have on my Adult Autism Resources Links page about, you know, you know, vaccines and all that, I have a special spot on there about looking up the truth about that. And, you know, the problem is, is when, when things like that are mentioned, everything that flows from that is really the fruit of the poisonous tree. So, what you've got to do is, you've got to turn this sort of thing into a social opportunity for yourself, which can mean that you become the person who tells others, no, this is not true, and here's why, you know. It would almost be easier in many ways, if it were all just passive aggressive. But right now, it's aggressive directly. Right now, that's what's real, you know, I the word passive aggression. It's, it's, it's not a really good thing. But right now, I mean, we've got people who are just happy to say, no, this is because people with disabilities or people and all that they're being, you know, and on purpose, I would say,

Becca Lory Hector 

It's very direct, right? It's very personal right now. And I just want to remind folks that people can say whatever they want, but that doesn't change the truth, right? I want to. I know people out there. We've known we've watched how social media works. We understand that people can say whatever they want, right? And they can show you certain things, but that doesn't make it the truth, right? And so, take care of you. And if that means you are most literally afraid for your meat suit, then that becomes your priority. Go. Make sure that you take yourself into a safer space. That's where your energy needs to be, right now, right? If you're privileged enough to be in a safe space, right now, right? Can you help create a safe space for someone else? Right? Really basic acts of kindness are what matter right now.

Philip King-Lowe 

Right. Yeah, and one more tip I would give if you're this is one of my things too. I mean, I'm on Facebook, I'm on Blue Sky, I'm on LinkedIn, of course, and you know, but if you're looking for some ways to be personal about looking after yourself.  There is no crime in reducing what you know, saying I'm getting off one and I'm keeping the other. Yep. You know, sign off one, get off one, you know, and focus on others. You know. I mean, I have a personal page on Facebook myself. And part of the problem with social media is I chuckled, but here we go. You know, you read a new story off of say NPR, and then one of your friends shares it so you see it twice and then comes another media forum that says the same story differently, and one of your friends shares that one, and then it just spirals into people sharing the same information. Yeah, that's where it can really start burning you out. I mean, you're just reading it and reading it, and you know, this is why I say turn it off. Say three, four hours in the afternoon, just turn it off, for crying out loud, because those things they work on you. You know, you know when I say that internalizing these messages is unavoidable. I would say learning to tell yourself things like I don't have to internalize that message, because I know what they're saying is not true. You know one of my former therapists was fond of saying that no matter what somebody says, I still have my own eternal truth. That eternal truth that says that I am more than what I'm reading off this blog. I am more than what I'm reading about this story from the news. You know, they're trying to reduce me to this, but I am larger than that.

After this final commercial break, Becca and I will close by talking a little more about taking breaks from hearing bad news.  After that, I will talk about the many wonderful emails I have been receiving from agents who want to introduce me to potential guests.  Immediately following that will be Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board.

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Commercial Break III

♫ The Autistic Coach Ad ♫

Future Shows

Autism Month in April begins on April 13th during an episode with Jenna Olson, a graduate from Minnesota Independence College & Community to talk about Educating Future Autistic Leadership.  Jenna will talk about how MICC prepared her for independent living with a fulfilling career in a college that gave her the supports to be successful. MICC educates future Autistic leaders who will lead by example as they navigate through the challenges they face. 

On April 27th, Emily Goldberg and Anna Voight with The Autism Mentorship Program will talk about Mentoring Future Autistic Leadership.  The Autism Mentorship Program is very successful because Autistic Adults mentor Autistic teens and youth.  Through sharing special interests, playing games, or just being with an Autistic Adult, Autistic teens find safe spaces with people who help them feel safe to be themselves.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

♫ Segment Beginning Music ♫

Segment 4

Philip King-Lowe

And one of the things, one of the last things we're going to talk, I want us to talk about, too, a lot of what's happening may have the effect on you that you're hearing so much bad news all the time you can't grieve anymore because you've already been grieving. You know, you just can't grieve anymore. That's why it's important for you to remove yourself from it and work on yourself. So let’s talk about that now and then we'll get ready to close. Becca, go ahead.

Becca Lory Hector 

Okay, I will quickly say that, you know, this is, you know, a time when things are coming at us a lot, and you have control over how much you take in. And I think that's what Philip is trying to say. You get to take breaks. We take breaks in lots of different things in life, and this is one of those things that we need to take mandatory breaks from. Right? Your brain needs that break, so please take care of yourselves.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Alright, well, Becca, thank you for being here today, and we'll, we'll be seeing you again. I'm sure.

Becca Lory Hector 

Absolutely and I thank you so much for having me for this really important conversation. It is an important one for me, and I'm really glad to have been invited on. And I hope you'll have me back another time.

Philip King-Lowe

Of course I will.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Over the past three months, I have received a lot of emails from various people with recommendations for potential guests.  It is exciting to be getting so many great recommendations.  I need to emphasize that Today’s Autistic Moment is a podcast for and by Autistic Adults hosted by an Autistic Adult, and that is me. When it comes to selecting guests for the episodes, Autistic Adults are my first choice, because the podcast is about and by them. The voices and concerns of Autistic Adults are too often ignored, presumed to be incompetent from understanding ourselves and the issues around us. In addition, when many Autistic Adults talk with those who are not Autistic, our voices and concerns are quickly shut down or spoken over with no opportunity to be clearly heard.  The voices, topics of concern, and the experiences of Autistic Adults are the first reason and purpose of Today’s Autistic Moment.  This podcast centers our discussions around Autistic Adults to share their expertise from their personal life experience so that other Autistic Adults can find some role models and do some community building for mutual support.  We hope that those who are not Autistic will listen carefully to our point of view and take us seriously.  We have reached our limit with so called professionals with more scientific or psychological studies, results and explanations, and millions of taxpayer dollars spent to prove idiotic theories such as the measles vaccines causing Autism. We want more advocacy for how Autistics can live more fulfilling lives without the pressures to be “fixed” according to neurotypical standards. Before sending me an email with a guest recommendation, be sure to visit todaysautisticmoment.com and read the dos and don’ts’ page very carefully.  If you agree with them and you are an Autistic Adult, I will be happy to consider you as a guest.  Lastly, there is a long waiting list because I plan new episodes, topics, and guests for at least 6 months ahead. 

Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board

All these events and many others with their links not mentioned here are available on

todaysautisticmoment.com/bulletinboard.

You are invited to the Adult Coffee Club for Autistic Adults in Minnesota. They are held on the second Tuesday of every month (weather permitting) at Dogwood Coffee located at 2700 University Ave W. Suite 100 in St. Paul, Minnesota. Zip Code is 55114. The Adult Coffee Clubs will begin at 4pm to 6pm on April 15th. May 13th. June 10th. July 8th. August 12th.

Understanding Autism virtual classes are offered by The Autism Society of Minnesota. The next classes will be on April 14th, 10-11am. May 12th, 12-1pm. June 9th, 6-7pm. July 14th, 10-11am. August 11th, 12-1pm. Classes are free of charge, but you must register to attend.

Register today to attend the 30th Minnesota Autism Conference, April 16th through the 18th at the Doubletree by Hilton Minneapolis Airport Hotel, on 2020 American Blvd. in East Bloomington, MN 55425. There will be keynote speakers, in person and virtual breakout sessions, social opportunities for community building, and resource tables. The hyperlink to this event is on the transcript.

The 25th Annual Steps for Autism in Minnesota will be held on Sunday, May 18th from 9am-12pm at the ROC at the St. Louis Park Rec Center. The address is 3700 Monterey Drive in St. Louis Park, MN. The zip code for your GPS is 55416.  The event includes a resource fair, a stage show, costumed characters, interactive activities, face painting, and more.  Families, Autistic Adults, and community members are all welcome! This year’s Steps for Autism is a self-led walk through the park by the venue.

Go to ausm.org to get more information about these and other social and recreational programs, educational events, counseling services and support groups at The Autism Society of Minnesota.

Minnesota Independence College & Community invites you to join them on Tuesday, April 29th  at 12pm-1pm for MICC’s Info Session Series: Strategies for Supporting Independence in Daily Living. This virtual session will focus on practical strategies to support Neurodivergent young adults in building their independence in essential home skills. MICC instructors will share ideas and tools for use at home, along with adaptive strategies to enhance independence in areas such as cooking, cleaning, and other daily living tasks.  Visit the events page on micc.org for more information.

MNeurodivergent is a social club rooted in a vision of bringing Neurodivergent Minnesotans together to build meaningful connections.  Its core principle is to foster an environment where all are treated with dignity and respect regardless of ability or preferences. Go to their new website mneurodivergent.org for more information, become a member, volunteer and attend their events.

Today’s Autistic Moment is here because of the generosity of supporters and sponsors.  Please go to todaysautisticmoment.com and select “Support Today’s Autistic Moment” to donate. 

If you have questions about Today’s Autistic Moment, please send an email to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.

May you have an Autistically Amazing day.

♫ Closing Background Music with credits ♫

All of the guests meet with me on Zoom to record the interviews. The interview transcripts are provided by Otter. The podcast is prepared and edited on WavePad Masters Edition by NCH Software.  The podcast is published by Spotify for Podcasters.  The Music that you hear is licensed to Today’s Autistic Moment by premiumbeat.com.