This past June during Pride month I came across a post on Instagram. The post remarked about how many LGBTQ people are also Autistic. There was a comment below that is still buzzing in my head. The comment read something like this. "Do you think the reason that so many Autistics are is because of how impressionable Autistics are?" In other words, Autistic people are so incompetent to know who we really are, so therefore the only way we would be LGBTQ is if Autistics are "groomed" to be.
The arrogance of that point of view is more accepted than it should be. A politician who is from a state where a bill was passed this past Spring that prohibits gender-affirming care said at a political action conference that "before transgender youth undergo any gender affirming care, they should first be evaluated for Autism."
It needs to be said again and again, that Autistic people are very capable of making our own health care choices. Autistic people are very capable of knowing who we are. Autistic people DO know whether we are straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersexual, asexual, pansexual etc. Being Autistic is not a barrier to knowing ourselves. If anything being Autistic is our strength for knowing who we are, and living into who we are because Autistics are more aware of who we are than most neurotypicals can possibly understand.
Before someone reads this and asks "Well, how do you know?" I struggled to understand my own sexual orientation for years. I ran from it, hid myself from it in conservative Christian churches as much as I could. I was not only in the closet during that time. I actively worked against the rights of LGBTQIA+ people believing that it was my duty as a Christian. The last thing I ever thought about was whether or not I am Autistic. I even spent some time in an ex-gay group trying to be a celibate and chaste man, hoping to become straight. Guess what? The moment I stopped trying to run from my identity as a gay man, my relationship with God, myself and others became more authentic and genuine. The moment that I was identified as Autistic was the beginning of knowing myself better than I ever did. Before someone says "Gay relationships are never real, there is not love in them." I beg to differ. I have been with the same wonderful man for fourteen years and counting. On August 1, 2023, we will celebrate 10 years since we were legally married in the State of Minnesota. We are devoted to each other, and nothing will change that.
As for my Christian Faith, yes, I still believe in who God is, who Jesus Christ is, who the Holy Spirit is. I also believe that God's love is unconditional and all-inclusive. God is not some frightful judge who can't wait to send fire to the earth to destory the people that the arch-conservatives want God to do. While I do not agree with what atheists believe, I do not condemn them for believing as they do. They are people just like anyone else, and they are worthy of respect. I am an Episcopalian. In the Book of Common Prayer, on page 304-305 we renew our Baptismal Covenant. Among the questions we are asked is "Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?" The answer I and others give is "I will, with God's help." This is why my work as an Autistic, gay, and neuroqueer guy is so important to me. And I will continue to do it so long as the good Lord gives me air in my lungs.
There is one major reason why people question LGBTQIA+ and Autistic people's ability to know ourselves well. Ableism and gender bias. Autistic and most Neurodivergent people tend to be gender non-conforming. Many Autistic women tend to be very assertive and strong. That alone flies in the face of what a woman is supposed to be. An Autistic man might tend to be more sensitive and emotional, more open to sharing with others how we feel. Again, it is a gender non-conforming way of being. There are other Autistics who are not male or female gender oriented and discover that they are non-binary.
Being Autistic and gender non-conforming are strengths to knowing ourselves, not barriers. And it is time for Autistics who are straight and/or LGBTQIA+ to grasp that truth and live into it with pride and respect for themselves. No neurotypical stereo type has any right to determine that for us.
I now consider myself to be Autistic, ADHD, Gay and Neuroqueer. I am definitely gender non-conforming. I have long hair. I physically and romantically love men, not women. I also happen to love transgender people who are female to male. I am not the kind of person that the world expects me to be. And I don't have to be. I shouldn't have to be to have my rights as a person respected and protected. And neither should any Autistic who is LGBTQIA+ or straight or any other identity that is who they are.
The ableism and gender bias are just excuses for people to wage their religious, social and political power wars on people who are not like them. They are excuses to pass bills to interfere with who we are, and get businesses and others to decide whether we are first or second class citizens. These must be stopped.
Autistic and all LGBTQIA+ and straight people, keep telling your stories through your life experiences of who we are. We have every right and reason to be who we are, as we are.
