Autistic Parents Raising Autistic Children

Transcript

Autistic Parents Raising Autistic Children

November 6, 2022

Segment 1

Welcome everyone to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.  My name is Philip King-Lowe.  I am the owner, producer, and host, and I am an Autistic Adult.  Thank you so very much for listening.

Today’s Autistic Moment is a member of The National Podcast Association.

Today’s Autistic Moment is always a free to listen to podcast that gives Autistic Adults access to important information, helps us learn about our barriers to discover the strengths and tools we already have to use for the work of self-advocacy. 

This first segment of Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored by The Autism Society of Minnesota; Minnesota’s First Autism Resource.  For over fifty years The Autism Society of Minnesota has been honored to support Minnesota’s Autism Community.  Visit them online at ausm.org.

Please visit the new todaysautisticmoment.com to listen to this episode and all previously published shows.  The transcripts for all shows going back to February 2021 are available.  Transcripts for 2022 are sponsored by Minnesota Independence College & Community. 

In addition, please note that my email address has changed to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com.  Please send all emails concerning the podcast and/or any part thereof to the new email address todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com. 

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When most people think about families, parenting and children even in 2022 their first thoughts go to the heterosexual, white male, female couple that have children.  Their children get a good education, graduate at the top of the class and go to a really great college or university and eventually get a high paying job.  The last episode of Leave It to Beaver was in 1963. Yet, many still cling to the show as a perfect model for what a family should look like. 

As I have watched posts on the many social media networks I participate in, among the ones that have gotten my attention were by Autistic Parents raising Autistic Children.  Many parents learn that they are Autistic after their children get a diagnosis. They see an interesting reflection that seems really familiar.  As many Autistic parents work with their Autistic children, they discover their sensory processing clashes with the sensory processing of their children’s.  Autistic parents can have many obstacles to finding the supports they need, because of the outdated beliefs that there are no Autistic Adults or Parents.  Among the most common concerns I have read from Autistic Parents are those who encounter resistance with the educational systems that are not prepared to work with Autistic Children; and subsequently pay no attention to their Autistic Parents.  It would be wonderful if those who work in education would see the opportunity to work with Autistic Parents and Children as a way of diversifying their learning environments.  After all, as Yenn Purkis wrote, “Neurodivergent people are the foremost experts in Neurodivergent experience.”  Yet what Autistic Parents discover are educational professionals using excuses covered up by bureaucracies of red tape to avoid making schools inclusive for Autistic families.

On this episode, you will hear about the experiences and advice from an Autistic Parent Raising Autistic Children.  My guest today is Nicky Collins

Nicky Collins, The Autism Coach, is a bestselling author and award-winning coach. Nicky lives in the UK with her teenage son and very vocal cat Snippit. She was 34 when she realized she’s Autistic. After the shock of her difference wore off, she had one aha moment after the other, as she realized why she did some of the things she did. It showed her that her differences were perfectly normal to her brain type.

With a vast personal development background, Nicky started to share her expertise with people from all walks of life around the globe! Every Autistic person deserves validation, respect, and self-confidence. This is what Nicky empowers her clients to do! 

Please stay tuned after this first commercial break.  You will hear about Nicky Collins and her partner who are the Parents of Autistic Children.  Nicky will share what her discovery of her Autism from her children’s characteristics was like, the steps she went through to learning about herself and what she has learned from her experience of coaching other Autistic Parents.

Segment 2

Welcome back. It is now my pleasure to introduce and welcome Nicky Collins.

Philip King-Lowe 

Nicky Collins, welcome to Today's Autistic Moment. I am so happy to have you here. Thank you for being here today.

Nicky Collins 

Thank you for inviting me, Philip it is a pleasure.

Philip King-Lowe 

You are welcome. Yeah, thank you. And yeah, so I've been looking forward to having a conversation about Autistic Parents Raising Autistic Children for quite the long time. Because there's a lot of misconceptions about including the myth that there are no Autistic parents. It's amazing that that myth still exists in 2022. But it does, you know, that sort of thing. And I have read a lot of posts on the various social media networks I'm on about Autistic parents and some of the things that they have been dealing with and facing. And so, I wanted to have this this conversation with an Autistic parent about their experiences with raising Autistic children. And so, I always begin with my first question, what important information to Autistic Adults and our caregivers need to know about and or understand about Autistic Parents Raising Autistic Children?

Nicky Collins

Well, I mean, I've got, I'm Autistic. As you know, that's why I'm here. I have an Autistic son and my stepdaughter is also Autistic. Yes, so she is interesting, because some of the times the triggers that we have as parents, our children share, but we don't necessarily see it in others. And sometimes our triggers can be our children's triggers, and the other way around as well. And a lot of the time, a child will gain a diagnosis of Autism, or ADHD or something that's neuro different. And then a little bit of further along the line, the adult, the parent will then realize that there's a lot of similarities with their child and themselves. And that's when they kind of realized that they're Autistic as well. So, if you do have an Autistic kid, it might be interesting to look back to see who your family members are, who are the quirky individuals to see where the Autism might have originated from, because it does run in families. And there's no shame in that. And if you see your children has been completely normal, as far as kids go, then it might be that you are a neurodivergent family because I know parents, Autistic parents who have neurotypical children, and they feel very different. There's a big difference between the two sort of personality types.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, well, what you've said is something I've heard many, many times that the Autism diagnosis for the children came before the adults, and I also know of non-autistic professionals that they themselves didn't know about Autism until their child got diagnosed. And then when they started reading, researching, and doing some work that they begin to understand. But you know, what do you think? If you can, if you can tell me tell us? What do you think are some of the differences that Autistic parents might have that might be different than say, neurotypical parent, parents? Do you think we can talk about some of that?

Nicky Collins

Yeah, I think that Autistic parents are more likely to go off script. So, what I mean by that is you're encouraged to go to school, get good grades, get a good job, settle down, start a family, and it's a very specific way of living your life. It's a very automated, systematic way of living. And sometimes, we can be sticklers for the rules, we can follow things to the letter, if they make sense. For the majority of Autistic Adults, we have a history of being bullied. And we didn't have a great example set to us by our so-called role models and peers at school. And we don't want to carry on that trauma with our children. So, a lot of Autistic parents do take the decision to take the child out of school, and home educate on it, that was my experience been my partner's experience. And it's not everyone's experience, but we can go off of what is deemed to be socially acceptable and help our children to survive in a way that actually meets their requirements. And, as I say, that can look very, very different to traditional sort of parenting, and we can be a lot more flexible. I know, right?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Well, um were you also among those who, your, your, your child's got the diagnosis first, and then you?

Nicky Collins

Me? Yes, yeah.

Philip King-Lowe 

Can you sort of give us what that was like for you, when your child was diagnosed, and then you are diagnosed? Maybe you can, as part of helping to give information? What was that experience like for you?

Nicky Collins 

I am still actually self-diagnosed; I've never saw a medical confirmation. I've had it confirmed to me unofficially, but not in a in a capacity that could go into my medical records. But I was sat at my desk a couple of months after I'd found out about my son. And that was when the penny dropped that hang on. He takes after me. It's not the other way around. And it just got me to thinking, Ah, okay, and initially, I thought I was quite probably ADHD. And I, when I realized I kind of went on this sort of downward spiral, because I thought how could you go for so such a large part of your life not knowing something so fundamental about yourself? And I had so many aha moments, as things just started to make sense my behaviors, the way I'd felt the way I'd felt so different to those around me. And the more I went down a rabbit hole, the more life just made sense, the more aha moments I had. And I mean, that was four years ago, and I'm still having those aha moments, even now. And I coach Autistic people daily. And it's, it's incredible, but it was quite an emotional period of time. And I know from the people that I've worked with, who've got a diagnosis later in life as adults, that sometimes it can be quite calm. Sometimes it can feel quite chaotic. And sometimes there's so many emotions that you weren't expecting to have. And I know for me, it was, it was a grieving process.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, I agree. Yeah, I think I think a lot of that has to do with grieving the person, you thought you were, to put it that way. You know, you thought you were not Autistic, and you may have seen yourself as a different person. And so, I do think that when we're diagnosed, whether itself or medically, I think there is a there is a sort of thing, thing that goes on about I'm not the life that I thought I was living. And because we get so used to that. It I think it does take a little bit to adjust, you know, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Nicky Collins 

Those masks so take a long time to put on and they are there to protect us from our most vulnerable sort of states. And because we've been told that what we're doing or how we're acting isn't okay. We put those masks on to fit into somebody else's set of expectations, and they're not going to come off overnight. So, masking does kind of helps us to lose sight of ourselves. What a diagnosis does is helps us to reconnect with that self that we lost.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yes, I would have to agree with that. You know, and I do believe that unmasking is another coming out process just like it does when we're LGBTQ. There's like, there's a coming off, the masks come off, like we step out of the closet of who of who we thought we were versus who we really are. That's a process.

After this next commercial break, Nicky will talk about the barriers that Autistic Parents encounter in the educational systems, and what many Autistic Parents learn from their Autistic Children that helps them in their self-advocacy.  Please stay tuned.

Commercial Break II 

Segment 3

Philip King-Lowe

I want to turn our attention to what are the barriers for Autistic Parents with Autistic Children. The one that I keep hearing a lot about, is the barriers that can exist with the educational systems. Educational systems that are just not prepared to work with Autistic parents who have Autistic children. I could give you a couple of stories, and I will, but before I do, I want to give you an opportunity to speak to that.

Nicky Collins 

Yeah, absolutely. The education system is doesn't support Autistic individuals, it's really, really challenging. And it's really challenging to get schools and educational settings to actually take us seriously. Because our children, we are the experts in our children, we may not get it right all the time. But we spend the most amount of time with our kids. And we know them the best. When our children come home, and they're exploding because they've had to mask all day. And like things like suppressing their stims, not being able to have the regulating behaviors and movements, because they've been told to sit still eyes forward focus, otherwise, you're not learning which couldn't be further from the truth, when we're saying, These are the things that help my child to learn. These are some simple accommodations, and some signs. And these are my child's triggers. They don't take you seriously. But if they take those matters, seriously, if they did take them into consideration, you'd find that there are very simple workarounds, in order to help kids, focus and learn on their terms. Learning looks so different. It's not one size fits all. And it goes beyond the big like the reading and listening and drawing and all these different sorts of learning styles. I'll give you an example. There was one little lad that I worked with, and he had a desk outside the classroom. And if he was getting overwhelmed, he just got up from his desk in the classroom and went out and sat at the desk outside the outside of the room. When the teacher was able to switch his focus, they would, he would go outside, check that this child was okay. And then he would just make sure that the child was okay understood what they was learning about. And then they'd go back into the class. This gave that individual autonomy; he was able to understand when he needed to get up and excuse himself because he could feel that he was getting to a boiling point. So instead of going into a meltdown, he was able to get out without needing a pass and sit outside to make it help himself to calm down and collect his thoughts. The teacher didn't make a big deal out of it. So, there was no attention was raised. It didn't look different and stand out. It didn't cost the school anything to put that into place. Right. And it helped everybody.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. You know. I know of an Autistic parent, and they shared this story with us in a in a conference at one point in time. But they have been known to get the most horrendous phone calls while they're working to immediately come into a principal's office because of how their Autistic children behaved. And in one and this one particular incident, it's quite funny the way the way the parent handled it, but she got a call from her principal at work you need to come in right away. Your child has misbehaved and is in the principal's office. She had to ask her, her boss to please be excused for a little bit. And she had to use the public transportation because she doesn't drive so she had to get on the bus. And it was also snow. There was snow on the ground and everything so ice and everything. She got to the principal's office walked in. And you know, there was her child there in the principal's office. And, and she said to the principal, okay, what did my son do? And the principal said, he stood up on a chair. So, the parent, she took her boots, her snowy boots off, she walked over to the to the chair that the front of the principal's desk, and she stood upon that chair, and she said, Is this what he did? And the principal said, Yes. And she felt like you called me down here, because he just stood up on a chair? What's the deal? You know, I mean, and the thing is, she knows, and we know that. You know, there are neurotypical children who wouldn’t probably be disciplined for something like that, I don't know. But this particular principle made an issue out of this Autistic child standing on a chair. And, you know, of course, the safety concern might be there. But I've heard of parents, Autistic parents being called in for the most frivolous things to address with their Autistic children. Because once again, it's just something that the educational system, those who work in education, they just don't understand. They don't get it. And the more you try to tell them often, the more they tend to resist. So, I'll let you comment on that.

Nicky Collins

No, it's absolutely true. It's absolutely true. And there are just it makes parents feel like they are doing something wrong, and that the school make out that they're doing everything right. Yet, if a parent turned up at the school gates, or whatever, the school premises, and that child had been badly behaved in inverted commas all day at school, and then suddenly became impeccable in their behavior. That would raise alarm bells. So why is that sounded okay, for schools? But if it was the other way around, it would be a problem?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yes. Um, you know, and I also know that the same parents that I've been speaking of, they have gone to school boards, they have gone to state boards of education, to try to fight get some kind of advocacy for their child. And they have gotten stonewalled, they have gotten, you know, no way, you know, and the usual Well, you know, the principals know best and, and all the rest, and, and they've just tried so hard to say, No, this is not what's happening is there is no, no mechanism for including her child, in this educational system without the expectation on them that they are going to be, they are going to behave like neurotypical students. And once again, we see, you know, a lot of that moving in the direction well put them in a special school. Well, while some of that's good idea, the point is, is that, you know, when wanting to be trying to teach other children about being inclusive of others, there are those who feel that that doesn't really set that example, by separating them from the regular school system per se. You want to talk about that at all?

Nicky Collins

Well, we're not encouraged are we from a young age that there are different people in this world. And unless those differences are obvious, then we don’t kind of see them. Now, as I said earlier, Autistic kids end up being bullied the majority of the time throughout their school life. And I still don't really get why this is still why the school system is the same as what it was when I was a kid when you were a kid. It's like, we're going back a few years now. So why?

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, I just got through with a month of concentrating on ADHD. And I mentioned during one of those interviews that I was regularly accused of daydreaming. And, you know, another point that we made is that and I think this really does apply here is when a teacher will predetermine what kind of future this child is going to have simply because their brain works just differently. To know, exactly, you know, and, and I do think that, you know, you know, the, the big barrier, one of the big barriers still exist that this idea that somehow when you're 18, you've out, quote, outgrown your Autism, which we know, doesn't happen at all. But the thing is, is that, you know, the expectations upon adults, it is also one of those barriers that somehow the Autistic parents are expected to, you know, I don't know, you can fill in that blank. I feel like, perhaps Autistic parents are often just judged or something that somehow, they're supposed to have done better than this. You know? If you want to comment on that, go ahead.

Nicky Collins

Yeah, well, again, it feeds back into that blame culture and blame mentality if your individual at school doesn't fit this certain stereotypical norm, then there's something to blame. And it's not that at all.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a big a big barrier. Is the whole neuro normative, or neuro normative majority so to speak. And, you know, yeah, we have, we have two major cultural problems that really do exist.

Nicky Collins

Exactly, and the Autistic kids grow up to be Autistic Adults. So, if you're constantly telling Autistic or ADHD is who display more of the inattentive ADHD. So, it's ADD if you're looking at that and saying, I always daydreaming and you're so lazy, why don't you learn this way? Why aren't you focusing? Why aren't you're engaging, these are the labels that people take with them throughout their whole lives. And this feeds into that negative inner talk. And I think that having an Autistic parent, you actually, that that parent has lived that to, so we can start to try and do some collateral damage, and actually help our kids by healing ourselves. Because we can lead by example. And we can, we might not be able to change the overall narrative in the school system or the wider world. But we can change it one person at a time. And I know that probably sounds really cliché, but you don't know who that other person is going to help and who that other person is going to affect and impact.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. My last question, which still is my favorite, what steps should Autistic Adults and our supporters take to advocate for the needs of Autistic Parents Raising Autistic Children? And I'm gonna let you take on this. So go ahead.

Nicky Collins 

Listen, listen, listen, stop talking over the Autistic voices, because that is the group of individuals who has the experience. They are the people that know what it's like to live as an Autistic person, and they know how that is likely to impact their child. So, when we put things into place, when we take the time to step back to look out and help our child map out their triggers, to minimize things like meltdown, shutdowns, and all these different things, we're not doing it just to keep the balance at home. We're doing it so that we can pass that information on and not all families are aware of what Autism is. So, if you've got someone in the school environment who is displaying Autistic traits, and you're actually listening to parents who have Autistic children who are Autistic, not autistic themselves, actually, this is really making your life easier, because if you start to listen and put that advice into place, that can be replicated to other kids too.

Philip King-Lowe

Yeah. Um Are there any ways that you have advocated for yourself that you have found that have been successful? If and if you have, can you tell us some of those?

Nicky Collins

I'm sure there have because as I've got, as I've got older, as I've got more confident in my Autistic identity, I don't keep quiet as much as I used to. So, I think the little things like oh, everyone's a little bit Autistic or Oh, don't be silly, you can do it. Just try harder. You wouldn't say that someone who's in a wheelchair. Come on, just walk a few more steps. You can get up that stair? No, I can't. I'm a wheelchair user. No, it's not as simple as that. I'm telling you that this is something I struggle with, just because it's not something you struggle with. Please don't invalidate my fear. Not my, my needs. And what I'm telling you is a need. And I think just being open with that type of thing and honoring my boundaries as well. So, when I do physical networking events, I used to do a lot of them. I don't do as much anymore. But the other week I went to one, it was about 140 people in the room. And it was a really bad acoustics in that room. I lasted half an hour, and 10 minutes out of that half an hour. I was telling my partner I needed to leave.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Yeah.

Nicky Collins 

But I would have struggled through before I would have pushed myself. And I wouldn't have advocated I would have stayed and there would have been consequences potentially a meltdown. Absolutely a burnout and completely a shutdown. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Can you tell us how old your Autistic children are?

Nicky Collins

Yes, they're 16.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Um, what are some things that maybe you've already answered this, but I'm going to ask anyway? What are some things that you think you have learned from your Autistic children that you may not have learned any other way?  The podcaster in me is supposed to and asked tough questions. So, take your time.

Nicky Collins 

No, I think many years ago, I was I hit a rough patch in a parenting years, I can't remember how old my son was. But it was he was quite young. And I didn't know he was Autistic. I didn't know that I was Autistic. And I met up with a friend. And she told me, she said, just slow down and view the world as if he was viewing it for the first time through his eyes, like he's you and things for the first time. So really kind of allowing yourself to go back to that those magical years where you weren't rushing around, trying to be busy all the time. And I think that some of that can be kind of we can use that when it comes to parenting, and especially like the lessons that our children can offer us. Because they talk to us, they communicate all the time. And maybe they don't know the labels who put onto their emotions. I mean, heck, I don't half the time. It's like I've gotten, I've got an octopus, cuddly toy, which one side is got a smiley face, and then you turn it the other way, and it's got an unhappy face. And I call it my emotional support octopus. And sometimes that's the extent of my knowledge of my emotions. Is it a happy octopus or unhappy octopus? I think that we tend to overcomplicate things, especially as we get older. And sometimes we really need to go back to basics and simplify things like that. And our children can allow us to do that if only we meet them at their level.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How have your Autistic children helped you to advocate for yourself better? Do you think?

Nicky Collins

I think so. Because I mean, as a parent, I've always got my kids best interests at heart, whether it's my son or my step kids, so just don't, don't mess with them, or you get me to deal with and that’s not always pretty.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah. Yeah.

Nicky Collins

And, as I said earlier, I think when you start to lead by example, for your kids and show them what's possible, what you can do, even if you've had a challenge, the way that you overcome those challenges and hurdles, it shows them what's possible and how they can take a little bit of control too.

Philip King-Lowe 

Is your partner also Autistic?

Nicky Collins 

No, but I strongly suspect that she’s ADHD

Philip King-Lowe 

You know, that's, that's a that's a great question for us to start wrapping this up, but you know, you know, when one is Autistic, and one isn't. I'm interested to know if you have any observations that you might like to share about that, because, you know, I've have heard from some Autistic parents that sometimes communicating with a spouse is a bit more challenging than communicating with their children. But, you know, do you have any thoughts about that? You want to share?

Nicky Collins 

Yeah, me, my partner and I, our relationship didn't start in what would be considered the traditional sense, because we're in a long-distance relationship. So, a lot of our communication, in the first where 22 months was in a long-distance relationship, and then I moved. So, during those, let's say, two years, our communication was very much online, it was via WhatsApp video calls. And that leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. So, we had to really get down into the nitty gritties of what the intent behind our words was and have the difficult conversations to make sure that we're on the same page. So, it really has been thorough communication and making sure that each of us knows exactly what the other meant by the word. So, it has been interesting. And something that was really interesting was that my other half I, this will sound funny, and she's completely healed. Now she's fine. I was cleaning out the cobwebs from the skylight because I'm taller and have longer arms. And a fly came down from the skylight a dead flight, it hurtle towards my face, and I dropped the broom, not knowing that she was directly in front of me. So, I picked up two and a half of the room and ended up giving her a mild concussion. What that concussion actually did was scrambled her brain. So, she had about a month, six weeks of essentially, living in my world. And the way she viewed everything was very, very Autistic. And it just gave her way and like a glimpse into how I sort of process and how the world consumed to me, which gave her a much deeper understanding, but I'm not condoning that people go bashing their partners over the head with a broom.

Philip King-Lowe 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you know? Yeah, you know, one of those barriers can be but just the fact that, you know, barriers and points of self-advocacy is just to stress the point that, you know, as Autistics, we can't think like a neurotypical person because we're not. And I think that, you know, after we are diagnosed, whether it be self or actual medical diagnosis, I mean, we, we start to realize, hey, you know, I don't really think like most people do, I think like, I think, like an Autistic person thinks. And so, there's this tendency to just become, we've become aware of just how unique we are. And, and, you know, there's this path that we go on to a better understanding of ourselves, so that we can actually celebrate our differences rather than mourn or grieve it. You know, but, you know, like I say, I personally have never parented a child, and I don't plan to. But, you know, I am aware of a lot of the challenges that parents, and children have. But I also when it comes to being Autistic, there are so many of these things that are very unique, that are very different. And as I say, we have a culture that won't change what their understanding of normal is, to try to think on that there are just different brains in the world. And, you know, especially over these last 10 12 15 years or so, that we're seeing more and more Autistic Adults being diagnosed. And it seems to be opening up a whole new world for everything, including parenting.

Nicky Collins

Absolutely, and I think it will continue to become more diverse as we learn more.

After this final commercial break, Nicky will talk a little bit about her podcast followed by Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board.  Please stay tuned.

Commercial Break III

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Are you Autistic and the owner and/or host for a podcast that is by and for Autistics?  If so, I have a very exciting networking opportunity for you. I am cordially inviting you to attend a live virtual initial meeting to talk about the creation of the International Autistic Podcasters Association on Thursday, March 16^th, 2023, at 11:00am-12:30pm Central Standard Time. During this meeting we can talk about what we might like an International Autistic Podcasters Association to look like and what we could do. The association members can share with each other what our podcasts are about, what is working well, what might need improvements and promote ourselves and each other to attract more listeners. The meeting will be recorded with a transcript and made available on Today’s Autistic Moment’s YouTube channel.  To read more about the meeting go to todaysautisticmoment.com/apa/.  Please share the news and link with any Autistic person you know who owns and/or hosts a podcast for other Autistic people. If you have any questions or concerns, send an email to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com .

Future Shows

On November 21^st, Robert Allan Claus III will be my guest for Autistic Adults Are Not Children.  Autistic Adults are often stereotyped as children that never matured properly.  Autistic Adults are infantilized by neurotypicals who feel that they know better as to who we should be and how we should behave and therefore should teach us to be more like neurotypicals.  Robert Allan Claus III is an Autistic Adult who is going to talk about how being infantilized has affected him, and why he feels it is important that Autistic Adults be respected as Adults.

On December 5^th, Becca Lory Hector returns to Today’s Autistic Moment to talk about Managing Holiday Stress.  For many Autistic Adults the holidays are a time of sensory distress, seasonal depression, with social demands and all the music and holiday advertising that can stress us out.  Becca Lory Hector who was my guest for the Summer of Self-Care Series will give us some of her ideas about managing holiday stress to help us all enjoy them as much as we can.

If you are an Autistic who finds that the holidays are a sensory nightmare, please listen to my show from last November, Preparing for the Sensory Unfriendly Holidays with Zephyr James.  You can find it on todaysautisticmoment.com.

On December 19^th, the final show for 2022 will be Communicating with Autistics.  I will be joined by two guests Tas Kronby and Grace Ogden-Parker.  Many Autistic Adults get unwelcomed lessons about how to “communicate appropriately” from Neurotypical people.  Contrary to what many Neurotypical people believe, Autistic Adults have our own languages as to how we communicate ourselves to other people.  My guests and I are going to talk about the different ways Autistic Adults communicate with others around us.  Neurotypicals are welcomed and strongly encouraged to listen and pay attention so that you might learn how we speak our own Autistic languages.

Season 3 begins on January 8^th with The Strengths and Achievements of Autistic Adults.  On January 22^nd, I will publish my 50^th episode.  There are shows coming about Autistic People of Color and so much more.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment.

Segment 4

Philip King-Lowe 

Well, before I conclude, I just want to share that Nicky recently started her own podcast. And you want to share a little bit about that what it is and what you do?

Nicky Collins 

Yeah, well, unsurprisingly, my podcast is talking about Autism and its many different colors and shades because it's not all black and white, you know?  No, no, it's. I'm about I started in August. And it has been amazing. It's been a real learning curve. And I release a podcast episode each week. Just about to increase that. And yeah, it's really interesting. So, it's about the Autistic community by Autistic and neuro different voices. So, everybody who comes on has blocked some sort of lived experience and hasn't learned it out of a textbook.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. And your podcast is, what's the name of your podcast?

Nicky Collins 

It's called Autism Unmasked.

Philip King-Lowe 

Yeah, yeah. Is there a website for it?

Nicky Collins 

It's just attached to my main website, which is theautismcoach.co.uk.

Philip King-Lowe 

Okay. Yeah. Well, then, if you don't mind emailing me that link, then I will include it on my Adult Autism Resources Links page, so that people can find you. Yeah, well, Nicky, I want to thank you so much for this conversation. And like I said, I've been wanting to have a conversation about Autistic Parents Raising Autistic Children for quite a long time. And just to let my audience know that coming in 2023, I am going to have an alternative to this topic. And that's going to be the point of view from an Autistic Father. I think I think it's important to have different representations of that. And so that's coming in the new year. So, I just want to let my audience know that that's coming. Okay, Nicky, yeah. Nicky, thank you so much for this. I appreciate your time. Very much.

Nicky Collins 

Nice to say. Thank you for having me. It's been great. Thank you. You're welcome.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board

All of these events with their links can be found on todaysautisticmoment.com/bulletinboard.

Understanding Autism virtual classes will be offered by The Autism Society of Minnesota. These classes are perfect for Autistic individuals, caregivers, those who want to understand the basics of Autism and support Autistic people.  Classes will be held on November 21^st from 10am to 12pm. December 19^th from 2pm to 4pm. Classes are free of charge, but you must register to attend.

On Tuesday, November 15^th beginning at 7pm-9pm, Jason Schellack an attorney and the Executive Director of the Autism Advocacy & Law Center will present a virtual skillshop at the Autism Society of Minnesota entitled Guardianship: Do We Need It?  Learn about how legal guardianship works for many Autistics over the age of 18 who might need additional supports in Minnesota.

On Thursday, December 1^st, beginning at 9:00am – 12pm The Autism Society of Minnesota and The Autism Society of Greater Wisconsin will feature a collaborative virtual workshop entitled A Kinder Approach to Challenging Behavior with presenters Kelly Mahler and Chloe Rothschild.  Current behavior trends have an over-focus on compliance and external behavioral supports and fail to address the underlying needs that often lead to so-called “challenging behavior.”  This workshop presents 5 key areas that should be a support consideration for every single person: Finding the WHY, Communications, Sensory Needs, Predictability, and a Structured Approach to Emotional Understanding. This workshop is filled with practical evidence-based strategies as well as first-person accounts from Autistics and other Neurodivergents.

On Tuesday, December 13^th from 7pm-9pm Zephyr James will present a virtual skillshop at The Autism Society of Minnesota entitled, Autistic Friendly Holidays and Traditions.   Many families rely on holidays and traditions to create connections, feel a tie to history, and share values. Gut often family traditions and expectations exclude Autistics, whether because of sensory needs, disrupted routines, or confusing expectations. This session will help you explore how your Autistic family member (or you yourself) can be a powerful force towards creating ritual and tradition that meets the needs of your family.  It will include strategies for managing the overwhelm that often comes around the holidays, interactive practice for brainstorming traditions that work for your family, and tips for meeting everyone’s needs.

Go to ausm.org for more information about these and other events at The Autism Society of Minnesota.

If you have events for Autistic Adults and our supporters and would like them announced in Today’s Autistic Community Bulletin Board on the next episode on November 20th, please send them to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com by 4:30pm on Wednesday, November 16^th. 

Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored in part by Looking Forward Life Coaching.  Looking Forward turns stumbling blocks into stepping stones towards success.  Go to lookingforwardlc.org for more information.

Today’s Autistic Moment is sponsored in part by Therapy Dynamics.  Go to therapydynamicsmn.com for more information.

If you have a topic that you think will be a great contribution to talk about the strengths and achievements of Autistic Adults and/or want to be a guest in season 3 in 2023; want your business or organization mentioned or have questions about Today’s Autistic Moment please send an email to todaysautisticmoment@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening to Today’s Autistic Moment: A Podcast for Autistic Adults by An Autistic Adult.

May you have an Autistically Amazing day.