Yesterday, I had the first anxiety meltdown and sensory overload I have had in nearly 6 years. I had a number of different things that contributed to the event.
My brain was exhausted. I had a food delivery that went wrong. My order was delivered to the wrong address. When I tried to contact the company that did the delivery, it said to call the restaurant. When I called the restaurant, the manager told me to contact the delivery company. In other words, the order was delivered to the wrong address, and there was nothing anyone could do. I had paid for the order out of our limited resources. I was so confused. It was beginning to rain with heavy winds. My husband was able to go out and get the order from the wrong address. Luckily he found the order and brought it home.
I live with chronic pain in my back and hips. Lately, the pain has been worse than normal. My allergies were bad because the air quality in Minnesota was poor because of smoke being blown from wild fires in Canada.
When my husband got back home after he found the food order that was delivered, I still had everything in my brain that was all confused. My body was shaking a bit from all the stress that had compounded into my sensory processing. My husband started to say something, and I said no. My husband continued to say what I said no to, and I lost it. I was yelling at the top of my lungs and pounding the dinning room table with my hands. "NO, NO, NO. I NEED EVERYTHING TO STOP. EVERYTHING NEEDS TO STOP. NO." My husband recently learned he has ADHD. He wasn't hearing me. It was not his fault. I startled him. I apologized, and helped him understand.
One of the most important aspects of sensory self-care for me is NO MEANS NO!. And yet, it is so difficult for me to say it, and difficult for other people to hear me and accept my boundaries. When I am in anxiety meltdown and sensory overload all happening at once, I cannot hear anything anyone has to say. I cannot internalize anyone's voice, suggestion, joke, or anything. And for whatever reason, no one takes me seriously when I say NO.
Autistics should never need to apologize for saying NO. However, no Autistic who says no, should not be respected by others. In fact, if you are saying no and someone isn't hearing you, you have the right to withdraw from everyone as you need to. Autistics have a right to safe space in a way that gives them time to recover. Sensory overload and anxiety meltdowns are traumatic events. The individual needs recovery time that may last anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days.
How do you say NO emphatically when you are in sensory meltdown/overload? If you are a caregiver, and your Autistic loved one says NO, do you listen to them? NO means no physical affection until the Autistic is ready. NO means no talking or social interaction. NO means NO. And Autistics have the right to say NO, and be respected for their decision.
