Interview Transcrip is my interview with my guests. Interview Transcripts are sponsored by Minnesota Independence College and Community. Visit miccommunity.org. If you are looking for my opening remarks, announcements, future shows and Today's Autistic Community Bulletin Board, please download the Program Script. Philip King-Lowe Zephyr, I want to welcome you back to Today's Autistic Moment. Thank you for being here today. Zephyr James Thank you so much for having me. Philip King-Lowe You're Welcome. Well, we are going through our Summer of Self-Care Series. Self-care is one of those things that Autistics must do to be effective self-advocates, I believe that anyway. And so um, we just I just had a show with Becca Lory Hector, about Self-Care During Seasonal Depression. And during that particular conversation, we talked a lot about how sensory processing has a lot to do with seasonal depression. So and you have given some really great, you know, presentations of your own, about how you do a lot of self-care for your sensory needs. So I thought it would be a good idea for us to have you come back and talk about Self-Care During Sensory Overload or Meltdown, which goes along with for many with seasonal depression. So let's begin as I always begin, What important information do Autistic Adults and our supporters need to help us to take care of ourselves during sensory overload or meltdown? Zephyr James Yeah. So I'm super excited to talk about this topic. I think the intersection of self-care and sensory needs is really deep for Autistics. And so I'm really glad we're focusing on that piece of it. The first thing that I think is important to know when we're thinking about a sensory overload or a sensory meltdown, and how do you deal with that, in the moment, is some advice that I got from a teacher of mine. I take aerial silks, sort of like Cirque du Soleil. And one of my teachers, when asked what's the best way to recover from an injury often says, "Well, don't get injured in the first place." Which is a little bit irritating in the moment, but it is actually quite true. And I think that applies to overload and meltdown as well, which is that the first and most important thing you can do is to be proactive. Notice when you are heading towards those feelings, and try and stop them before you can hit that meltdown overload space. And I think we've talked about that some before about the different ways that you can incorporate self-care into your life regularly, and what you can do to meet your sensory needs on a regular basis, all of those types of things. So, you know, I would recommend having a plan around your self-care and your sensory needs instead of just kind of hoping that it happens. So that you are getting the things that you need on a regular basis and helping to build up your tolerance. So that when there are challenging situations, it's less likely to affect you as much as it would if you weren't getting all of your needs met on a day to day basis. That's sort of my big caveat is as much as possible. Hopefully, you don't need to be using the skills that are these in the moment meltdown overwhelmed skills. But best laid plans go awry. Sometimes things happen that we don't expect, sometimes we are just having an off day. And we are going to fall into sensory overload, sensory meltdown, that type of thing. So I would say that the the best strategies that I use are to one figure out what's most likely to send me into overload and two figure out what senses are the most calming for me. And that way, I have a better way of expecting when I'm about to go into overload. So if I know for example, that I get overheated really quickly, and I really hate the feeling of sweating. Summer is going to be a challenging time for me. So I know that when I I'm going to be out in the sun all day, I am likely to be hitting those limits much faster. And I can be a little bit more prepared, I can bring things like a fan, I can bring lots of water with me, I can tell the people around me that, hey, this might be a more difficult day for me, because I know I'm gonna get overheated and really exhausted. I might not plan as much on a day in the summer than I would if it was a little bit cooler out so that I try not to get myself to that point of meltdown. On the other hand, thinking about what calms me down. Once I do go into that meltdown state, I know that, for me, being able to chew on things is very helpful in terms of sensory calming, I know that a really hard workout helps me to calm down as well. So if I am really just overloaded and overwhelmed, sometimes moving my body in a very intense way can be very helpful for me. And I know that sometimes finding an item of food that is a very strong flavor that I really like, can help to focus me and bring me back to the present. So knowing in advance that those are things that helped me allows me to have those available, and make sure that they're ready in case I have a meltdown. Allows me to communicate that to the people around me so that they know, hey, if I'm going into sensory meltdown, here's some things you can suggest or provide to me. And that helps me because I might write it down so that when I'm in that moment, I don't have to run through all of the possibilities and say, what's going to help me I don't know, what should I be doing? I've done that work in advance. And also those are, those are going to be different for everyone, right? So the example that I gave, were just for me, yours might be completely different. And so taking the time to notice which sensory inputs, bring your emotions down a little bit versus which bring them up, sometimes you want one, sometimes you want the other, but when you're in that overload state, the calming ones are probably going to be what you want to go for. Philip King-Lowe Right. One of the things that that Becca Lory Hector and I talked about with seasonal depression, is that there are so many things that are happening during during the summer months, a lot of the holidays, and a lot of other times of the year, is there's so much sensory sensory input that is out of our control. You know, I happen to absolutely hate the sound of lawnmower motors. You know, and every week, once a week, they're outside my window, you know, mowing lawns. And I know that's gonna happen, and I know it's gonna drive me crazy. You know, and then we have those seasons, when the sensory inputs are more than we can, we can take you know, um, you know, one of the reasons that I'm doing this, these two shows during July is because as I explained in my last show, for some of us, Autistics our seasonal depression is worse, in the summer, and better in the winter. Others, it's just the opposite. And one of the things that we talked about with Becca is that sometimes as you master your sensory in one season, it can be somewhat unsettling in another. So it's almost like they, they you know, and I like to talk about sensory processing self-care as a need to work on, on a balance. Because this is just my own experience, when one of my sensory, my sensory needs goes off. It doesn't take much to upset the rest of them. It's almost like they're on their own. You know, they're on their own a little bit. So that's why we want to talk about this, this self-care. But there's that moment where you can't take any more, nor can you control how much you can take. You may or may not and, and we also know that experience, you're at sensory overload, you're just there, there's nothing that's gonna stop it. You know, no matter because you're just you're just not rational enough to do something to stop it. Let's talk about what we do in a moment like that. What do we do to care for ourselves in that moment? Zephyr James Yeah, absolutely. I think it's going to vary a little bit depending on the situation. Whenever possible, I try and remove myself from the situation that is causing that sensory overload. Now, that's not always possible. But if for example, you are somewhere that's very loud, you're out at a park and there's a lot of people and it's hot and it's busy, and you hit that moment of sensory overload. If you can go home and get yourself away from some of those sensory inputs, that's going to be one of the best things you can do to make it easier to calm down from that moment. Obviously, that's not always possible. Sometimes you might have to use tools or items that can help you to reduce the sensory input. So if you're at home, you have that lawnmower noise that's happening, it's driving you crazy. If you have a pair of noise-cancelling headphones that you can pop on, that can block out some of that noise, and give you a little bit of relief. That's one option. So if you are in a space where you can be thinking in this strategic way, and figure out a way to get rid of some of the sensory input that is overloading you, that is a great first step. If you are not in that kind of place, and there is somebody around who can support you, trying to let them know, too much noise, too hot. This taste is not okay for me. Whatever it is, that is causing you distress, and there's a person that you trust and who can support you in that moment. If you can communicate to them, they might be able to then problem solve for you, they might be able to then run and grab your noise-cancelling headphones, or say, Okay, we're gonna head out. Now let's let's get in the car and leave or, Oh, don't worry, I have a fan. And I'll set that up for you. So whenever possible, ask them for support in that moment. And again, that's one of those places where prepping in advance can be really helpful. If you let your support people know like, here's what sensory meltdown might look like, for me, here are the things that tend to be helpful for me, then when you're in that moment, they're going to be a better support person for you. The final thing I would say is, if you are feeling overwhelmed from too many inputs, sometimes getting a different kind of input can help to settle you a little bit. So if you feel like everything is too loud, maybe you need some pressure. Maybe you need the feeling of a temperature change. Maybe looking at something calming will help to distract you. There's only so many inputs we can pay attention to at once. And so sometimes if you can take one that feels good and pleasurable to you, that you like getting more input that can help to call me down when an unpleasant one is very overwhelming. So I often will try and add in inputs that feel very good to me, when I'm having a hard time with the with the inputs that are happening around me. Philip King-Lowe Yeah, yeah, I mean, we, we've just for the show, we've passed the Fourth of July, which for many of us is just no can cannot do. You know, and that's, that's, you know, where my recommendation is, if you've got headphones, and if you're a place where you can do it, you know, put your headphones on, and maybe turn up your music, so that distracts you. You know, but you know, I think it's important to, to communicate that there are times when you can do as much as you can possibly do to have your plan in place, you can have all of your tools nearby, you can do all of these things. And sometimes sensory overload or meltdown is just going to happen. And I do feel like, perhaps there's a number of number of us, who may do a lot of self blaming for that. And I think that can be that can be one of those barriers to taking care of sensory overload and meltdown, it is not your fault. It just is not your fault. And I think we need to communicate that through our audience. So please do. Zephyr James Yeah, I 100% agree with that. The world is not in your control, right? And as many things as you might do to try and take care of yourself. Sometimes the world has other plans. And sometimes your body has other plans, and it's going to respond. And I feel a really unhelpful, saying that sometimes the only thing you can do is ride it out. You can do your best to try and make it better, you can try and get yourself to a different situation. You can use all of these tools, and you're still going to have this feeling of overwhelm and you just have to wait it out until it calms down. And that's really unpleasant. I don't want to downplay how hard that is to have that sort of tolerance where you can say I know that this is awful right now and I will get through it and it will stop feeling this awful at some point. And I'll be okay. Because sensory overload is is it can be painful. And so if that is the situation that you're in, if you have reached that point of just absolute shutdown where nothing is working whatsoever, I think a really important thing to pay attention to is aftercare. Because like you said, oftentimes you'll feel guilt You'll self blame, you know, it can feel like, Oh, why was I reacting that much to this thing? Why didn't I plan better, all of those sorts of things. But you just went through a really difficult experience. And it doesn't make it better for yourself. It's very important that you take time to be gentle with yourself afterwards, to give yourself time to rest and recuperate, to do things that feel good and calm and comforting to you. And that also then gives you space to say, this is fine. It isn't, it has not hurt anyone that I had this meltdown. It is okay, that sometimes I can't be perfect. And what I need in this moment, what is important right now is for me to take care of myself. So if you have to go through one of those really, really tough meltdowns. definitely focus on the self-care you can do afterwards. Yeah. And a lot of strategies apply. Commerical Break Philip King-Lowe Yes, and that's exactly why we're having this conversation about self-care. Because it's at that moment of meltdown, when so many things have just crashed. You know, I think it's fair to say it's very similar to a computer crashing. It's frozen, it's frozen in space. There's nothing you can do, but to shut it down and restart or do some things that, you know, help you put it all back together. Sometimes part of self-care during sensory overload or meltdown, is simply pull the plug, pull the plug, just just pull it, you know, and, and sometimes you have to be very forceful, and you have to tell somebody you're you might be with, I'm having a meltdown, leave me alone, ya know, that sort of thing. You know, at because there's a lot of things that, you know, sensory overload, doesn't make sense. Don't Don't, don't I tell, I tell, I tell my husband all the time, if I'm ever having sensory overload, please don't rationalize, because nothing you rationalize is really gonna work right now. It's just not going to happen. And for some people, that's just the case. I mean, when that overload meltdown comes, it's there. And, you know, and let's just say that, that you know, one of those barriers could really be is that at, shut down, because of meltdown and/or overload, sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing. I mean, sometimes you, you do nothing. You know, it goes back to, you know, that, that spoon theory that we talk about, when the spoons are out, you have to rest, you have to rest, you have to give yourself permission to rest. And apologize to no one for doing that, you know, not even yourself. Zephyr James There's a couple of really important things I want to kind of highlight in what you just said. One of them is, you mentioned that with your husband and let him know, you know, don't try and rationalize with me when I'm in this space, just you know, leave me alone. So that's one thing that you might want to think about in advance. Does it help you to have people talk to you when you're in overload? Or do you want them to leave you alone? Because for me, if I'm left completely alone, I continue to flounder. So it's helpful for me to have somebody talking quietly in a calming fashion, kind of drawing me back into my body. But I don't for many people, that's the worst possible thing, and they want everyone to shut up. So that's one really important piece where you can figure out which of these is going to be more helpful to you. Right. Another piece is, like you said, logicing your way out of it isn't going to happen. The response that we're having is in our bodies, we are physically feeling things. And so to feel better, we need to use our bodies and our feelings to get better. So telling someone well, it's not that loud, or Oh, you can just try a bite of this or whatever it might be. Well, that's actually not how they're experiencing it. That's actually not true. Philip King-Lowe Oh, yeah. And that sort of thing of what you were talking about. It's, I'm gonna, you know, it needs to be said that's actually gaslighting. Yeah. You know, and so no, that is not those are not good things to say during an overt. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Zephyr James. It's incredibly invalidating. Yeah. And instead focusing on I'm here with you, let's notice what's happening in our body and what we can do to make our body feel better. Let's try moving or changing something. Let's focus on a different sensation. Those types of very in the moment and bodied strategies are going to be a lot better than something like let's talk our way through this on a rational basis. And if your support person is one of those very rational problem solving people then great. Tell them to fix the situation around you like sweet, make it less hot, make it less loud, figure it out, but don't bother me with your logic. If they can go and be that protective barrier for you, then great, that's a great place to send them with their energy of problem solving. Philip King-Lowe Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we're at our third question, which is what are some steps that Autistic Adults and our caregivers need to take to advocate for our needs? And you heard, you may have heard me say that I feel that one of the great strengths that Autistics have is that we have those tools and strengths already there. They're already there. It's just a matter of discovering them and putting them to our best use. Let's, let's talk about what some of those us give our audience some some good talk, good talk about what can be our strengths and tools during sensory overload that can help us advocate for ourselves? Zephyr James Yeah, so I think, actually, our sensory profiles can be one of our strongest assets when we are experiencing sensory distress. Because we also have the superpowers of stimming, and of sensory delight, and intense sensory experiences that are positive, right? So if you were a neurotypical, and you don't experience things in an intense way, and something feels really, really awful, you don't have an equal positive option that you can move to, but as Autistics we do. We have the option to say, I'm gonna go do the sensory thing that feels amazing to me. So one of the tools that I would recommend there is having potentially a literal physical toolkit of your sensory items, of the things that make you feel good. Fidgets. Music. An ice pack, if that feels really nice to you. Deep pressure. Whatever it is, but having that with you. Whether there's a small one that you keep in your car, or in your purse, or sort of a bigger one that you have at home, that's your go to spot if you're gonna, if you're saying I need some positive sensory input right now, so that you have those items right at hand, and you can just grab one, and do what you need to do. Philip King-Lowe Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Well, no, what, let me what I was gonna say is that a couple of months ago, we were having a quite the tragedy, because our cat was sick, and we had to take him to the vet. And it was just not a nice day. And so my sensory was really, really at a shaking point. And so we were actually in the vet's office, and they had taken in our cat in the back to deal with his issues. And I and one of the things that I started to do this is, this is a great example of stimming, actually. As I was having trouble finding something that was going to help start relieve me. And I just happened to notice this little scratch on the on the on the metal table. And I just was taking my finger and following that, that that thing just for a little bit. And I couldn't help notice that, the more I do this, the more I'm calming down. You know, sometimes, sometimes just a little thing like that is just enough to start working you backwards. Because because we find something so fascinating about something as small as a little scratch on a metal table. So go ahead. Zephyr James I think that's a huge part of Autistic strengths as well, because I think that plays to our hyperfocus. You know, if if you have the ability to really zone in on something, and you can find one thing that feels really good or calming in the moment, then you use that hyper focus. And you can drown out a lot of other stuff by paying attention to the one thing that feels really, really nice and just living in that space for a little bit. Absolutely. I think another strength that we can use to advocate for ourselves is that we often are very straightforward communicators. We generally will say what we mean. And I think that communication is an essential part of managing our sensory needs. Because nobody has the same sensory experiences. Nobody else can know what it's like to live in your body unless you tell them and so, being really straightforward with the people around you like hey, this doesn't feel good to me. I need this kind of support. I am going to do X, Y and Z in order to take care of myself and that is for my sensory needs. That goes a long way. If you are out and about and you are using sensory techniques to calm yourself down, sometimes neurotypicals can get confused or are, you know, find it odd or off putting, and if you just say, hey, this helps me to calm down. And I'm doing it because it's too loud out here. And I don't like that. You'd be surprised at how often people will be like, Oh, well that makes sense. The more we can be proactive and letting people know what we're doing and why the more likely it is that they're just going to be supportive of that, or provide us with what we need. Especially if you're going somewhere, like a business or somewhere like the zoo or out in a community space, and you need some kind of support, that really straightforward communication, being able to ask for what you need, being able to say, straightforwardly, I, what is an example of one of these? If you're at the Guthrie, and you say, I need to have my headphones on during the performance is that okay? They're most likely going to say yes, but you just have to let them know in advance, they're going to help you out. Philip King-Lowe Yeah, yeah. And also, I mean, this is a great, great way to to do some advocacy, not only for yourself, but for other Autistic people. This is one of the ways that you know, the more you know, your own Autism and what your what you need to deal with your difficulties. When you talk about these things, then people start to become interested, perhaps, or even "aware", and work towards accepting. You know, I mean, it's one of those things where sometimes if you don't tell them, they're not going to know. So you know, but you know, even sometimes when you tell them, they still don't understand, but still, you know, you you got to start somewhere. Zephyr James Yeah, it's not a foolproof method to tell people, but it does help more than just staying quiet. Philip King-Lowe Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, we're talking a lot about about sensory overload for those of us for whom it gets too much. But before we, there's also those who need a lot of stimulation. Let's maybe talk about some of their sensory needs to, yeah, we can we can, can you do that? Zephyr James Absolutely. So I definitely tend a little bit more towards needing a lot of sensory stimulation, particularly when it comes to vestibular and proprioceptive input. So balance, movement, pressure, awareness of your body, and space, those are those are those senses. So I am the kind of person who likes to climb on stuff and hang upside down and spin in circles and go on roller coasters. I love that kind of thing. And I get really, really weird if I don't have that kind of input. During the first lockdown for the pandemic. I mentioned earlier that I do aerial silks and aerial silks provide a lot of really good sensory input, you get a lot of pressure, you get to hang upside down, you get to spin, you're using your muscles in a very strong way. You're climbing, all sorts of things. My aerial studio was shut down during the first portion of the pandemic. And I didn't get to go and do that for a couple of months. And when it reopened, I was hesitant to go back because things were still quite, quite bad with COVID. And I, I went and did a private lesson with one of my teachers and I came home. And my husband said, please go back to aerial classes. You need this? And I said, Yeah, you're probably right. Yeah, because without it, I was literally trying to climb our house, I was losing my mind. I my body could not sit still and could not handle the amount of energy that I had. So it's integral, if you are the kind of person who has that craving for sensory stimulus, that you find something you can do regularly, and you work it into your everyday life. Whether that is a physical activity, or it is sitting and listening to a CD, one for an hour each day, or watching something very calming on YouTube, whatever it is, and it might be that you have one or two senses where you need that input and other ones where you are very sensitive. So thinking about which senses do I need, which things is going to be very helpful here? Philip King-Lowe Yeah, I yeah, that's That's so great. How you explain that. You know, I also like to give the advice that I think it's a good idea to set aside some time during the week for your sensory Safe Space day. You have a day when you're just set aside for you. I mean, one of the among the there's a lots of things that can really contribute to a lot of hopes, too much sensory input, and actually one of those can actually be if you then if you've you're overworked and overtired, and, you know not having enough sleep that can actually contribute to some sensory problems, you know, so we know that that that can really contribute to things. Zephyr James I want to pause and focus on that for a minute. Your sensory profile isn't going to stay exactly the same all the time. Right. It is changing constantly based on what you have done that day, how you treated your body that day, what's emotionally happening with you, all sorts of things. And unsurprisingly, all of the sort of very basic level things that you do to take care of your body make a huge difference in how you respond to sensory input. So have you eaten? Have you had water? Have you slept? Have you moved your body,? All of those classic things are going to make a huge difference in how able you are to tolerate different levels of sensory input. Another thing that is really important to keep in mind is that your meds might also affect it. So a lot of common antidepressants make you more prone to feel heat. And to get heatstroke. Common stimulants, likely to make you sweat a lot, you know, you're increasing sort of the speed at which your body is, is going. And so you're, you're going to be producing more heat there. So making sure that you take a look at things like side effects of your meds, so that you're at least aware of how it's going to be impacting you, and you can start to respond to that can be really important, as well as noting, I slept really poorly last night, maybe I'm going to be more sort of defensive about my sensory needs today. I'm not going to push it. I'm going to take more time for myself. I'm going to be a little bit more gentle with myself. And that isn't, isn't you being lazy or weak or anything like that, that is pure logic. It is saying I have not gotten enough of my needs met here. And so I have to meet them somewhere else. Commercial Break Philip King-Lowe And another another point that I think is is important to mention is your sensory needs will most likely change as you age. Because your body is going to feel things different. Your brain is going to feel and process things differently. I know that I'm processing things differently in my 50s than I did in my 40s, or in my 30s or in my 20s. You know, you know, someday, I think I should do a show about that. But anyway, you know, age plays a big role, and our ages our careers. Sometimes just our overall family environment sometimes can play a big role in that. And let's just put it this way that relationships, the types of relationships are in can, in fact, have a lot to do with the sensory inputs, or that you either need that you're not getting, or you're receiving in there too much. So, you know, that's why knowing your Autism, communicating about it, and making sure that you let other people know what your needs are and when and when. So that, you know, they can, you know, sometimes if you if you let them know that if you let them know what your sensory needs are, they can actually help you to say, you know, you look like you're, you seem a little bit more stressed than usual, maybe you need to go and rest a little bit. Giving your, the people around you some of that ability, they can help you turn around and take care of yourself when you need to. And there's nothing wrong with that that's actually a good thing. Zephyr James There is a great example of this recently. I'm incredibly light sensitive, I actually have a birth defect in one eye. That means I've physically perceive more light than most people. So in addition to my sensory profile, I also have a really weird optic nerve that makes me very light sensitive. But I also wear prescription glasses and executive function. I'm not going to remember to bring sunglasses with me and switch back and forth. Absolutely no way. I put my glasses on at the beginning of the day. And that's it. So I had kind of given up on feeling comfortable being outside when the sun was out. I walk around with one eye closed because it just naturally shuts because it's too overwhelmed. And I was talking about this with my husband, I said well, why don't you just get transition lenses. Those are available online for not very expensive. And I said to myself, why don't I do that? This is a brilliant idea. And I don't know why it has never crossed my mind before. And I bought myself a couple of pairs of transition lenses. It was I don't know 40 bucks, something like that. And life changing. I can drive in the morning without feeling nervous because I can't see as well because it's too bright for me and without hurting my eyes because there's too much light. So sometimes somebody who's on the outside might have an idea that you never thought of because they haven't been as close to it for as long as you have. So I think a fresh perspective can be very helpful. Philip King-Lowe Yeah. Well, um, Zephyr, thank you so much for being here today. And we look forward to seeing you in September. Zephyr James Thank you so much. Transcribed by https://otter.ai